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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if I'm being OTT

157 replies

Wittsend13 · 01/01/2012 22:17

Now I've always stated I don't want DS on solids or anything other than his formula until he is ready for more ie cries when he's finished his bottle, wants more and is drinking at least 7oz.

My parents who I live with are well aware these are my wishes as recently we've discussed this and I gave in reluctantly to letting mum feed DS a rusk mashed into his milk. He's learning to eat it and is doing pretty well.

Roll on to yesterday, I asked the parents if I could go out and if they wouldn't mind babysitting. No problem. So off I go enjoy the new year and come back this morning.

This evening, I over heard mum discussing she gave DS Ice cream.. Now I've gone a bit mad as they're clearly not respected my wishes. I've told them its full of sugar and cows milk which isn't recommended for children under 1. They think they don't have to discuss with me and that there are millions of children who grew up on cows milk blah blah blah.
I'm royally pissed off that my wishes were thrown out the window here. I tried explaining had DS been a bit older, I wouldn't have minded as much. They tell me government guidelines are a load of waffle and that what do they know.

For my own peace of mind please will you tell me if I'm being unreasonable or if they are?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 02/01/2012 09:06

Paid childcare (70% help if you get working tax credits) & find other babysitters.Otherwise I think yabu.

whogivesastuff · 02/01/2012 09:18

Stop dumping the kid on them then, then you won't have to worry

Xenia · 02/01/2012 09:19

It is her child and her choice. That is the point. I don't think abny adult needs dairy products and we are the only adult mammal that drinks milk. Now I don't think we die if we eat dairy products as adults and I do have some butter but nor do I expect anyone to agree with me but if I imposed that only children or said they were to be meat free or whatever that should be respected by the grand parents. Grand parents need to tread very carefully otherwise they will alienate their children.

They may be saying it didn't do them any harm but we are the fattest generation ever and we are the first who are less fit than their parents in history and the main cause of that is sugar, ice creams and all the junk your parents' generation have chosen to eat. By all means let them destroy their own healths but it is you baby and your choice as to what it is fed and the sooner they realise that the better.

Ice cream is not a good product for any of us of any age to eat. It's dairy and it's sugar. You can't get much worse.

TheSecondComing · 02/01/2012 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Wittsend13 · 02/01/2012 10:37

Wow I guess judging by certain comments, some of you haven't read the whole thread.

  1. I don't get free child care. I pay them money every month. NOT Free childcare. This DOESN'T included rent I pay that on top.
  1. I don't live in the Uk therefore I wouldn't be receiving any benefits as I don't live there.
  1. I reluctantly agreed to a darn rusk. Was me giving in but to only that.

The issue isn't the fact DS was given ice cream it was the fact I clearly stated he wasn't to have anything other than said rusk.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wittsend13 · 02/01/2012 10:39

No problem Jiggy.

OP posts:
pickgo · 02/01/2012 10:54

The bottom line is, if something happened to the child it is the OP, not the gps, who is responsible for the child.

Parental responsibility=parental rights. The grandparents need to get their thinking clear on the difference between their rights and responsibilities to their own child and that to their grandchildren.

Is this their first grandchild OP? Really as a gp I would be ashamed to be putting my wishes before the welfare of my grandchildren in this way. Not to mention the upset they are causing you as their daughter, particularly at a time when you have turned to them for help and support. May be they should be tuning in to the Archers, Pat and Tony seem to get it about right! Smile

I hope you can arrange other childcare and still take the job.

Original poster
Wittsend13 · 02/01/2012 11:01

Hi pick go, yes DS is the first GC.

Kungfu your post is right. Maybe I shouldn't have given in but she told me she will do it regardless as apparently DS NEEDS to have one. She is always over ruling me. I guess giving in was my way of trying to meet halfway.

Best thing to do is stay with a friend while getting emergency housing list. Not exactly ideal first week back after Xmas.

OP posts:
festi · 02/01/2012 12:08

I think the confusion with benifits lay with your posts not being too clear about the whole situatuation and the mention of benifits by your self.

I do think OP you need to get this sorted now seems like an exhausive situation for you and if you have a friend willing to put you both up for the time being either untill this blows over and you and your parents can talk. I dont think a compromise is needed, he is your child. Definatly make housing your priority, good luck.

Original poster
Wittsend13 · 02/01/2012 12:15

Thanks festi. I don't thinking talking is good for a while. They refuse to see my point as far as they're concerned, I don't have one. I do have a family friend who is the only person I can stay with but it would be hard for her as she would be getting involved even though I've no other option right now.

If I apologize for then I'm stuck where I'm admitting I was wrong even though I'm not.
I'm backed into a corner here and it feels so unfair. Would it be worth doing that and sucking it up until I have my own place? It wouldn't be as quick mind as if I'm staying here I'm not an emergency.

God, what a mess.

OP posts:
festi · 02/01/2012 12:18

is moving back to the U.K an option at all, as it may make your financial situation some what better in gaining indipendance.

festi · 02/01/2012 12:20

and no I would not suck it up nor appologise for how you want to parent your DC. if things have got heated I may appologise for things that have been said that are now regretable but other wise no no not appologise.

HappyMummyOfOne · 02/01/2012 12:38

Can the chidls father not help with childcare costs or have more care?

Giving up work to live on benefits because you dont want to pay childcare is plain daft, what did you think would happen when you became a parent and all the associated costs it brings.

Feminine · 02/01/2012 13:23

Where do you live? op

valiumredhead · 02/01/2012 13:29

To put it into perspective 10 years ago babies were weaned at 16 weeks so a bit of ice cream won't hurt your baby OP, it's not ideal but not the end of the world.

FabbyChic · 02/01/2012 13:31

You will get help if you move out, help with rent, help with council tax, help with childcare costs and you will probably be better off.

Claim what you can you are entiteld to it. But move first and bring your child up how you see fit.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/01/2012 14:09

Fabby, we don't know what help she'll get if she moves out, as she's not in the UK.

whackamole · 02/01/2012 14:21

I don't understand why you are getting such a hard time about this. I would probably not be too bothered if this was a one off thing (my dad when visiting last week thought it was appropriate to give my 10 week old 'just a taste' of tomato ketchup Hmm) and would bite my lip, but I don't live with my parents and have to constantly tell them what I feel is appropriate for my children.

I am astonished that people are basically judging you and saying you are not allowed to have a say or an opinion in what your child is fed because you live with your parents and are not in a relationship.

YANBU to be upset about it. I think if I was in your shoes I would be begging, borrowing or stealing for a deposit so I could move out and have a registered childminder or nursery look after my child.

Original poster
Wittsend13 · 02/01/2012 15:23

No the ex left me when I was pregnant. Couldn't find him if I wanted too.

While its not the end of the world giving Ice cream, it was against my wishes.

Mother of one, I didn't expect to be bringing up a child on my own. I was expecting to have a partner who I could shared the responsibilities with and I was to go back to work and DS would be at a child minders.

I'm not too worried about being given a hard time here as I know in my heart I'm not being unreasonable. Guess I'll start making plans to move out. Thanks for all the replies Smile

OP posts:
Feminine · 02/01/2012 16:03

What kind of help can you get where you are?

calamityboo · 02/01/2012 16:09

hiya, have not been on this sort most of the day, and just have to say - Omg! ladies please remove your judgy pants and un hoik your bosoms! op, emergency housing is not the end of the world me and ds 1 managed fine, also it is ok to ask people for help. please talk to your parents one last time though before it goes too far, let them know in no uncertain terms how they make you feel and what decisions they are forcing you to make. sorry to hear that your xp has left you to deal with this alone, also not the end of the world, just what happened to me and ds. it is not ideal, not even nice, but whatever happens you will be ok.

scottishmummy · 02/01/2012 16:13

it is really a hard deal that the baby father left, and set of circumstances you have unfortunately ended up in. I know you're not in uk but what entitlements can you claim?is there any way online you can check eligibility fir benefits

diddl · 02/01/2012 16:36

It´s the lack of respect, isn´t it?

The being treated as a child because you are back living with your parents?

Depending on what you pay them of course, professional childcare might not cost much more!

RosemaryandThyme · 02/01/2012 16:51

Guidelines change frequently, some say nothing solid till babe 6 months, others 4 months, your the mum and you decide what is best for your baby.

Your question should be do I trust whoever looks after babe to be warm, caring, loving, seek help in an emergency, keep babe clean, cuddled and fed.

Any more detail than that is really unimportant.

No one will ever follow exactly the way you do things, nursery will give them too long a nap, playgroup will proffer biscuits when you want rice cakes, school will put them in reading group B when you want them in A, Dad will over-excite them at bed-time when you would do a nice quiet routine etc.

zest01 · 02/01/2012 16:56

yanbu - I would have reacted the same way for my first, but became more chilled out the more I had. Your child, your decision imo

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