To not understand why he hasn't proposed yet...?

[Tanz825]

Hi,

Me and my partner have been together 5 and a half years now and he still hasn't asked me to marry him. We have been living together for 4 years and have bought our own house together last year and are living there with our 9 month old daughter. There has always been talk of getting married ever since very early in our relationship, not just from myself but from my partner too but he still hasn't asked me to marry him. I'm starting to wonder why and sometime get upset about it because he knows how important it is to me. I wouldnt be so upset but he keeps referring to where we might get married (abroad) but he hasn't asked me yet and it's like pouring salt in a wound. Over Christmas two of my friends have got engaged and they have been together half the time we have which I was so happy for them but at the same time I felt like it was my turn. His family keep asking him why he's waiting and he just says theirs no rush. He is a romantic at heart and I believe he wants it to be perfect he says we can't afford it. I think hes setting his expectations to high, which is lovely but i dont care about those fancy things. He also thinks that once we get engaged I'll want to get married straight away which is not the case. I've told him I don't care about fancy rings or a big wedding all I want is to be married to him and have the same name as him and my daughter and be his wife. I just feel like the longer were together the less he thinks it matters and that he's just taking his time because he knows he can. Iv thought about asking him but he said a while ago that if I ever ask him he'll say no coz that's his job. I know I may sound selfish but it's getting to me and I'm feeling a little resentful which I don't like. Anyone know how I can't stop feeling like this? I generally just push it to the back of my mind but then something comes up about marriage or engagements and I get a hollow feeling in the pit on my stomach and all those feeling come back. I know I shouldn't feel like this and I should just wait till he's ready, which I will, but In the mean time I need to find a way to block these sad feeling. Anyone have and suggestions?

Thanx
Tanya

X posts, giraffe.

And what Mme said.

I feel that if an unmarried couple have a baby in an unplanned pregnancy it's quite different to deciding to have a family together before marriage. If you decided to have your baby, did you discuss beforehand what it means for you as a couple I.e. a lifetime together raising her? Do you see the two of you bringing her up together as a unit for the rest of your lives? Does he see it like that too? Whether you marry or not, that is surely the important thing. Your DD needs you both.

mummy good for you for having that conversation. At least you know where you stand now. Also it says a lot about your relationship that he was willing to marry you to make you happy :) Have a good think and keep talking to him, I'm sure you'll work something out.

olgaga iirc, a solicitor on the other marriage thread was saying that some of the info you are posting is actually wrong. Just sayin'! I know the next of kin thing is, in England anyway - have been in hosp a lot recently and was able to nominate DP as NOK but was told it doesn't have any legal force anyway. Perhaps that site is out of date or sth?

Aaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!Why are you waiting to be asked? This asking stuff is ridiculous you have a mouth and as everyone is always telling me on here it has nothing to do with romance and everything to do with the legals so you should just say you think it time.

well at my school, majority in class unmarried
don't see any indignant teachers though
and don't care

Yonder, please point me to this "solicitor".

I can assure you that none of the information I am posting is wrong.

I have clarified, on other threads, that Next of Kin is a red herring, and has no legal status. Unlike spouse.

any capable adult can be nok,nominate via gp or hospital you attend

nok is not defined in law,and one can nominate any adult with capacity and so long as you let nhs trust and gp know.indeed in times of same sex, civil partnerships and cohabitation it's v common

useful nok link.

and fire
police
nhs
local authority
pensions allow to nominate an unmarried partner

as do some private sector pensions, allow unmarried partner nomination

scottishmummy... for someone who doesn't care, you post a lot about it. I don't think your repeated comment about 'he doesn't want to marry you, get over it, stop asking, blah blah blah' is very nice either. I'm wondering if you protest too much?

I have this strange sense of déja vu

Sorry olgaga can't remember, it was someone who popped up fairly late in a thread. I thought she said she was a solicitor and what you had posted was wrong - didn't you post that same link on another thread?

Also, not being picky, but how do you know it's right? Do you have legal expertise in the area?

I'm actually contesting the nok point
and yes if a dp wanted to marry, you'd be married. no ooh ahhh or let's see

I'm not married, hence neither one of us wishes to be married.if my dp or I wanted to marry we'd be married. he's not into marriage.I'm not into arriage

I don't hint,cry,or bang on about marriage as I don't want to be married

But you do bang on about it ....

Okay, well I am not a lawyer and don't know, but I think your point no. 5 is if not wrong at least misleadingly phrased - you make it sound like there is some impediment to partners being NOK, whereas obviously this is not true, and of course the pensions point is rather more complicated than you make out. Obv many private pensions allow you to name a beneficiary and state pensions will be worth bugger all anyway in a few years.

Many of the other points can be covered legally in other ways, such as fathers having rights to access etc. And obviously there are lots of situations where the benefits you cite wouldn't apply to married couples, e.g. not all divorced fathers have rights to see their children.

You are not allowed to be happily unmarried on MN

or you get accused of protesting too much or lying

I bang on about loads on mn
oj/ biddulph tambourine
working mums
all things Scottish
the trams
previous moments mamas
oh I love a good gurn about my fave topics

Hasn't this been debated a hundred times here already?

aye
working mums
baby in nursery
housewife or work
precious moments mamas
mil
all mn perennials
.....All habitually revisited

yeah same old same old

I think sometimes people have a bit of a rose tinted view on what happens financially when a marriage fails . You are not automatically entitled to spousal maintanence , your ex DH only has to give you a percentage of his income as child support , this is i think 20-25% of his net income . So financially as a woman it is always better to be as secure as you can be independently .

exactly!
and yes no one can be happily unmarried or else deluded, fibbing or doth protest too much

mn urban legend is make ultimatum, marry or else! in foof of perfume and ego, she will be gone

And of course if he then goes on to meet and have children with anyone else that 20-25% goes down again .

I am really sorry, but when i hear of men in really long relationships of this length, I just think "they don't want to marry her".

I was in a relationship for nearly two years, and we lived together, No proposal. Turned out he was not very faithful and moved on remarkably fast after we split.

When I met DH it took him 6 weeks to propose. Six years and 2 Dcs later, I see things clearly and I know I'm with someone who values me and who I don't have to hope and try and wait for.

Slag but why don't you think 'they don't want to marry - full stop!'

Seriously, not being narky - do you think that deep down everyone wants to get married and will if they find the right person?

Not making any comment at all on your relationship, but someone proposing after 6 weeks would freak me out. I don't really like the idea of being married - it's just so connected in my mind with various bad relationships - and I think lots of others feel the same.

Do you think people like us shouldn't have long term relationships or something? Or can't?