to not have any resoutions for myself but could write a LIST for DH

[catgirl1976]

I love him to bits but I have got a load of resolutions he should make.

I am not a naggy type and I don't want to cause a row on New Years Day but some of these things are driving me insane and I need him to sort them out.

I worry I may be losing perspective as, other than drop the baby weight, I haven't made up any for me. To be fair - we have a 5 week old baby so the drinking and smoking went out of the window when I found out I was pregnant and I don't really have any other bad habits (at least I think I don't).

DH's resolutions would be as follows:

1. STOP leaving your coat on the floor. Whenever he takes it off, he drops it on the floor. Wherever he was at the time. I pick his coat off the floor upwards of 20 times a day.

1. STOP staying up till 6am playing on the computer. I am sick of sleeping alone. We are married - I am not single so why do I sleep alone every night? You are nearly 40. This is insane.

1. START getting up before the afternoon. We have a 5 week old baby. I do all the night feeds then get up with him at 7am. You come downstairs in the afternoon. This is not fair. I appreciate if he sorts No. 2, No. 3 will follow.

1. STOP drinking so much. 1, sometimes 2 bottles of wine a night. Every night. Its a dangerous level. The other night he did 2 bottles of wine and half a bottle of port. I know its Christmas but you have a son now and he would like you to live a while.

1. STOP leaving the fecking back door wide open EVERY night when you come to bed. The house is freezing when I get up and just because we live in a naice area does not mean we are immune for being burgled. Especially when you have pretty much fecking invited them in.

1. STOP smoking. Again - you have a son now. For him and for you - stop. I know you are down to a few a day and you smoke outside (see back door issue) but STOP.

1. STOP opening a nicotine patch and leaving the scissors, patch wrapper and patch backing on the work top EVERY SINGLE DAY. I am SO tired of picking them up.

1. GO TO THE TIP. You have promised you will go every day for over a month. There is a pile of shite in the back garden and its getting bigger. Seriously - I cannot ask you again.

1. START doing some housework. Any house work. Even if you just pick up after yourself it would help. We haev a 5 week old. I am tired. You don't even close cupboard doors when you open them. In the mornings I can see exactly what you have done the night before by the trail you leave me.

I make him sound bad here - he isnt he is great but these things are doing my head in. I have asked and asked but nothing changes. I have no intention of "leaving the bastard" - I love him and he is a great husband apart from the above and a brilliant dad but I am at my wits end.

How do I get him to stop without becoming a nagging old trout?

Sorry - that was long I needed to rant.

nearly

you facilitate all his laziness by gushing how much you love him,and therefore overlooking and excusing his slovenley behaviours

you are both fuckwitted

thanks sm..............really helpful

You clearly don't want help.

I do have one question...
If he is "nocturnal", and sleeping all day, when exactly is he such a perfect husband? Surely you need to see him for that to be true. Unless of course, he is the perfect husband because you never see him?

:) we have been together a long time, during which he has demonstrated lots of perfctness. and i do see him between about 1pm and 2am

and pergaps i dont want help but being called a fuckwit by sm is perhaps a tad much :)

you want to have your mn hand held,but hear nothing you no likey
you are both the problem
and worst of all you get the arsen when that's pointed out,but hey you love him so.

actually I said you are both fuckwitted
both of you
him for being lazy man child
you for facilitating and accepting

You are married to a total douchebag. If you think nagging will solve it you are deluded. He cares not a fuck for you.

no i just wanted to vent. no hand holding required

Think you need to up the anti. If he is great then let him show you how great he is. Empower him. From tomorrow let him take over. Stop with the martyrdom. Don't nag him just tell him what needs to be done in the house and sort who does what. You cant keep this up for his sake or yours. Whats going to happen when you children get bigger I hate to tell you this but they are easier as babies in many ways. Children are a lot of work you need to get him on side now.
Before you know it you will asking whats for dinner and has he washed your smalls?

consensus is that he's fuckwitted,and you're too soft
you're venting to the wrong people
bigger q is why aren't you apoplectic at your lazy dh

i like the sound of that aqua :) although i am concerned the house could fall down before it happens but worth a try :)

Lol he sounds a right catch!
You must both be very well off financially to afford fags and 14 bottles of wine aweewk

Are you on maternity leave at the minute, then?

What's the plan for when you go back?

Has he got an extremely large cock/tongue perchance

How exactly is he 'lovely' OP? Is it because he says the right things? Unfortunately his actions tell you that he has little respect for you or your DC. The drinking is a huge problem on its own by the sounds of it.

I'm for you that you expect so little and make excuses for him. What do YOU want?

If its for him to change remember, If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.

im on maternity leave although i go bak 1 day a week on 2 weeks - ds will be only 7 weeks and will be going to my mums. i go back full time in april, he will be with my mum one day, nursery 2 days and dh is having him 1 day.

sorry about spelling - am typing one handed as breast feeding at the moment

we have a 4 week old (and a toddler) and I can't imagine treating my partner like your DH treats you - and quite why you are even thinking about baby weight at this point is beyond me. Is he having a hard time adjusting to parenthood, because all of his behaviour in relation to you and the baby seems deeply avoidant? He needs to realise that he has to work at building a relationship with your dS and that the arrival of a child means that he needs to reconfigure his relationship with you...

I am sorry for you - you are carrying the can completely, and you love him, and that makes things doubly difficult for you. Good luck, I hope he sees the light soon

He doesn't work and your mother is having the baby. Words fail me.

I have been in a similar situation to this and have made excusses for my now useless XH (and have been told I still do!) I have now come to the conclusion that if he loved me like he claims he wouldn't treat me that way.

If you are happy to live like this then that is your choice but if not you need to sort it before you have too many wasted years.

He sounds completely crap. If you want him to change then you have to really set some boundaries. If you don't want him to change, then take no action and continue doing everything for him.

I know you're just venting, Catgirl, but c`mon, play the game - tell us how he's a fantastic dad and husband!!! I could list a few things about my DH I'd like to change, but, if pushed, could also come up with one or two positives... And ignore SM. She's not, er, known for being nice tactful.

Hello OP - just wondering if you would like us to move this thread into relationships? Let us know
Thanks
M Towers