Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my son had every right to use the toilet! (Long sorry)

141 replies

SleepingWithGhosts · 31/12/2011 17:07

Yes I know it's another disabled toilet thread but I am so angry and need to rant somewhere.

Just got back from our local Wetherspoons as been for a meal with the children during which my son (7 years old) needed the toilet.

In Wetherspoons the toilets are upstairs and there is a disabled toilet downstairs.

I went to take him to the disabled toilet, he has many diagnosed conditions including Dyspraxia (struggles to walk up stairs as poor balance), Global Development Delay (cannot manage his own toileting needs and needs me to wipe his bottom, re-dress him etc.), Continence Issues (can soil/wet himself if dosn't get to a toilet in time) and Autism (dosn't react well to hand dryer noise) so we always use a disabled toilet where we can as it means I can go in with him and help him whereas normally it's difficult but with these toilets being upstairs I would have needed to carry him up and being 7 months pregnant at the minute I could not have managed.

He is legally registered as disabled and has high rate DLA for both care and mobility. He has full time 1-1 care during school. Just trying to show he is disabled and fairly severe.

Got to the disabled toilet and saw they were locked, not by a radar key (we have one of those) so went to the bar and asked the waitress for the key to the toilet.

Coversation went like this, with a word or two wrong proberly:

Me: Hi, can I have the key for the disabled toilet please

Her: No problem, who is it for?

Me: My son (whilst pointing to him)

Her: What's wrong with him?

Me: He is disabled and needs the toilet.

Her: I need to know why, it's for disabled people only.

Me: He is disabled. He has 6 different diagnosed conditions (getting the blue badge out of my bag to show her at this point). He struggles to manage the stairs and I can't carry him so he does need to use it.

Her: I am sorry but we only allow people who can't walk upstairs to use it.

Me: He can't walk up the stairs.

Her: Well he seems to walk fine now (pointing over to him as he is walking round the table)

Me: Started to argue back about the fact that walking on level ground and up stairs are two different things and while he can walk he has balance issues which you can clearly see by the fact he walks with his arms sticking out at the sides but got called by my DD and had to leave the conversation.

Went back to the children and DS has wet himself and is becoming distressed. We had finished eating at that point so got the children and left.

Phoned Wetherspoons when I got back as I was so annoyed that my son had been refused access to the toilet when he is disabled and I had his blue badge to prove it.

Manager apologised to me but explained that it is down to the decission of individual staff as to wether someone is entitled to use the disabled toilet or not and that their guidence is people who can walk don't need it so the waitress did nothing wrong.

AIBU to think:

a) My son WAS entitled to use the toilet
b) It's not down to the staff to decide who is entitled to use the toilet or not
c) I shouldn't have to spend 10 minutes arguing why my son needs the toilet and giving out confidential information about his conditions in front of a bar full of people drinking.

I am considering writing a complaint but not sure if it's worth it, just bloody angry on behalf of my DS and annoyed our meal out was cut short (we had not yet ordered deserts).

OP posts:
Gargula · 31/12/2011 17:10

YADNBU

That's disgraceful behaviour by the member of staff.

i would definitely complain - just to vent your anger if nothing else.

exexpat · 31/12/2011 17:10

I would complain. There are many people classified as disabled who may be able to walk short distances on level surfaces but who couldn't manage stairs. And I don't think a waitress is really qualified to judge. Surely the chain could give guidance that a blue badge is reasonable proof of disability.

RandomMess · 31/12/2011 17:10

I would complain in writing to the head office and local manager. Their staff need educating, you produce a blue badge, you could have produced a radar key - clear evidence that he needed to use it.

I am so sorry for your experience.

My friend has an assistant dog, one pub type eating place asked us to leave if anyone complained...

PurplePidjInAPearTree · 31/12/2011 17:11

I would make sure Wetherspoons hq knew about this. Unless they employ trained and qualified health professionals behind their bar, then they have no right to decide who is or isn't disabled Angry

TapirBackRidersJinglyBells · 31/12/2011 17:11

I'd complain like stink tbh, a letter or e-mail to head office.

cornsilxkski · 31/12/2011 17:11

poor ds - that's pure ignorance

thederkinsdame · 31/12/2011 17:11

Report them and quote the DDA at them.

ilovesooty · 31/12/2011 17:12

I'd forget talking to the manager and write to Head Office.

I bet this is just the sort of publicity they wouldn't like either. Obviously the pillocks haven't heard of hidden disabilities.

GypsyMoth · 31/12/2011 17:14

They need re training.... Disability discrimination! Deciding if someone is disabled enough by what they see! Hideous

RandomMess · 31/12/2011 17:14

TBH why on earth would anyone think that you would stand there and argue with them unless you really needed to use it rather than just walk up the stairs if you could...

In your letter I would include that your son was humiliated due to her igorance and that you had to leave behind your meals!

I'm fuming on your behalf.

Cherriesarelovely · 31/12/2011 17:14

It's bloody unbelievable! Seriously do something to make them sit up and notice. This is truly shocking behaviour.

NearlyMrsCustardsHardHat · 31/12/2011 17:14

Report and complain. When I worked for Wetherspoons in my Yoof our policy was kids could use the disabled loos too as well as mums with babies (the latter because the changing facilities were in there). Perhaps the individual pubs have different rules on it though. Either way. What a bitch. If a kid needs the loo they need the loo.

gottagetanewcalender · 31/12/2011 17:15

It isn't down to an individual staff member who isn't trained in disability awareness or has common sense.

They have broken the DDA by refusing access and their reply. Please take your complaint higher.

I have had a similar response when i was recovering from pnuemonia and had various health conditions that prevented me from being able to do stairs. I have had ongoing arguements about having the right to use lifts. People need to be educated and unfortunatly, the disabled and friends/family have to pay a part in that.

dazeycat · 31/12/2011 17:15

Yes, complain. Suggest their staff need some training about disability, and the fact that it is not always immediately obvious. Actually, their policy of leaving it to individual staff to decide seems dubious. You and ds were treated very badly. YANBU

LynetteScavo · 31/12/2011 17:15

YANBU

Shock

Definitely complain! In writing to head office, and the local branch.

slavetofilofax · 31/12/2011 17:16

Formally complain. The waitress probably did do what her training had advised her to do, so they need to revise the training.

ChooChooWowWow · 31/12/2011 17:16

That is awful, I think you should complain. My local Wetherspoons is the same with toilets upstairs and disabled downstairs. If I take the dc in there we have no choice but to use the disabled. I have 5 dc, one in a pushchair. Theres no way I would drag them all upstairs and I couldn't leave some to take another.
Ours doesn't lock the door so it's easy to nip in and out. I always make sure there are no disabled people waiting.

Maybe Wetherspoons need to re think their toilet layout if they want to attract families during the day.

QuietNinjaMincepie · 31/12/2011 17:17

I'm quite shocked at this! Even if some ignorant people don't know about "hidden" disabilities ie those that don't need a wheelchair etc the fact that you showed his blue badge and she still said no!
What purplepidj said. She isn't qualifiedto say who's disabled or not. Beggers belief. Definitely complain.

ThatVikRinA22 · 31/12/2011 17:17

i would write a letter of complaint and forward a copy to the head office, without a doubt.

i would also give CAB a ring.

SauvignonBlanche · 31/12/2011 17:18

Jesus! What an ignorant cow! Angry
I'd e-mail Wetherspoons to complain.

RedRosie · 31/12/2011 17:19

Don't quote the DDA. The correct legislation is now The Equalities Act.

Definately complain. That's awful.

RaPaPaPumPumBootyMum · 31/12/2011 17:20

I am Angry on your behalf.

Please do complain.

The staff in question need educating to ensure something like this does not occur again.

Your poor son Sad

Moominsarescary · 31/12/2011 17:20

That's disgusting, I'm not usually one to complain but I'd take this further especially as you showed her the disabled badge, obviously a twat on a power trip

pigletmania · 31/12/2011 17:21

YAsoNBU what disgusting behaviour of the staff, the toilet is there to be used by ALL disabled children/people whatever the disability, who are they to decide who can use it. I would write and contact head office, go to the top, this is totally unacceptable, your poor son Sad

MrsHoarder · 31/12/2011 17:21

Terrible! I can see why they have the need for a key (otherwise everyone would just use the disabled loo, and issue with couples sneaking in sometimes), but if a pregnant woman asks so that its easier to help her children that's a case where common sense should take over (even without your son's disabilities).

Time for a stern letter to head office.

Swipe left for the next trending thread