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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my son had every right to use the toilet! (Long sorry)

141 replies

SleepingWithGhosts · 31/12/2011 17:07

Yes I know it's another disabled toilet thread but I am so angry and need to rant somewhere.

Just got back from our local Wetherspoons as been for a meal with the children during which my son (7 years old) needed the toilet.

In Wetherspoons the toilets are upstairs and there is a disabled toilet downstairs.

I went to take him to the disabled toilet, he has many diagnosed conditions including Dyspraxia (struggles to walk up stairs as poor balance), Global Development Delay (cannot manage his own toileting needs and needs me to wipe his bottom, re-dress him etc.), Continence Issues (can soil/wet himself if dosn't get to a toilet in time) and Autism (dosn't react well to hand dryer noise) so we always use a disabled toilet where we can as it means I can go in with him and help him whereas normally it's difficult but with these toilets being upstairs I would have needed to carry him up and being 7 months pregnant at the minute I could not have managed.

He is legally registered as disabled and has high rate DLA for both care and mobility. He has full time 1-1 care during school. Just trying to show he is disabled and fairly severe.

Got to the disabled toilet and saw they were locked, not by a radar key (we have one of those) so went to the bar and asked the waitress for the key to the toilet.

Coversation went like this, with a word or two wrong proberly:

Me: Hi, can I have the key for the disabled toilet please

Her: No problem, who is it for?

Me: My son (whilst pointing to him)

Her: What's wrong with him?

Me: He is disabled and needs the toilet.

Her: I need to know why, it's for disabled people only.

Me: He is disabled. He has 6 different diagnosed conditions (getting the blue badge out of my bag to show her at this point). He struggles to manage the stairs and I can't carry him so he does need to use it.

Her: I am sorry but we only allow people who can't walk upstairs to use it.

Me: He can't walk up the stairs.

Her: Well he seems to walk fine now (pointing over to him as he is walking round the table)

Me: Started to argue back about the fact that walking on level ground and up stairs are two different things and while he can walk he has balance issues which you can clearly see by the fact he walks with his arms sticking out at the sides but got called by my DD and had to leave the conversation.

Went back to the children and DS has wet himself and is becoming distressed. We had finished eating at that point so got the children and left.

Phoned Wetherspoons when I got back as I was so annoyed that my son had been refused access to the toilet when he is disabled and I had his blue badge to prove it.

Manager apologised to me but explained that it is down to the decission of individual staff as to wether someone is entitled to use the disabled toilet or not and that their guidence is people who can walk don't need it so the waitress did nothing wrong.

AIBU to think:

a) My son WAS entitled to use the toilet
b) It's not down to the staff to decide who is entitled to use the toilet or not
c) I shouldn't have to spend 10 minutes arguing why my son needs the toilet and giving out confidential information about his conditions in front of a bar full of people drinking.

I am considering writing a complaint but not sure if it's worth it, just bloody angry on behalf of my DS and annoyed our meal out was cut short (we had not yet ordered deserts).

OP posts:
herbietea · 31/12/2011 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Haziedoll · 31/12/2011 19:33

Absolutely disgraceful. My niece (adult) has a blue badge as she has chronic chrones disease. I can just imagine how mortified she would have felt if she had to disclose details of her condition so she could use the toilet.

Their staff need some disability training urgently, with that level of ignorance it is a matter of time before a dda claim arises.

What if someone uses a colostomy bag? Would they be expected to disclose that information? Angry

nappiesgone · 31/12/2011 19:36

I think you would be doing the right thing in taking this further to Head Office. Regardless of emotions and just the distress your family were caused, without training and a change of policy this will happen again and again. Very clearly state in your letter how you expect the issue to be resolved with a) an apology and acceptance that they were wrong, b) that their policy should be xy and z in the future. Any other resolution will result in official complaint/ action and possible media involvement.

pigletmania · 31/12/2011 19:36

spiderpig why should op try to carry her son upstairs Hmm, add to that she is heavily pregnant. What happens when her ds grows to be an adult, and too heavy to carry upstairs. OP might have a downstaires loo for her ds, and a stair lift at home. Spiderpig you are really something aren't you.

coppertop · 31/12/2011 19:44

Your poor ds. :(

How on earth can they believe that a waiter/waitress is suitably qualified to decide whether or not someone is disabled?

I hope someone higher up in Wetherspoons gets to hear about what happened.

saladsandwich · 31/12/2011 19:48

i can't believe she was so bothered, i mean its a toilet FFS... i know people use the disabled toilet when they shouldn't but jesus its clear by the sounds your ds is disabled, to have to prove it is wrong... i'd be complaining to anyone who would listen

annekins · 31/12/2011 19:49

Absolutely shocking...never mind you waving your Ds's blue badge at them, the company should wave the piece of paper that shows that their bar and waiting staff are appropriately qualified to judge whether someone 'eligible' to use the disabled toilet!!

ShellyBoobs · 31/12/2011 19:54

I don't think there's a training issue here.

It's a simple case of the staff being utterly fucking uncaring. They simply need someone to tell them to stop being a set of arses; no fucking training required.

What an awful thing to have put you and DS through. Angry

runningwilde · 31/12/2011 20:02

That is disgusting and I am fuming on your behalf. Take it all the way UP and please DEMAND an apology from thar fucking ignorant cow who didn't let your poor son use the loo. You know what? I would even phone the paper - the daily mail (!) - and get them to write a story on this. The ignorance and stupidity of that woman is breathtaking - take it all the way so she NEVER does that again

I hope your boy is ok now and please update us x

runningwilde · 31/12/2011 20:09

[email protected]

www.ceoemail.com

I'd go back in tomorrow and get both the manager's and the waitress's names (it may be training or lack of or it may be individual control freak pettiness so best to have names rather than tar whole staff with same brush) first and then send a lovely email to John Hutson (email address above) who I believe is still the CEO.

Maybe he'd like a link to this thread?

If he actually cares about his company's reputation he will want to hear about your horrible experience and do something about it. After all, that's what his job is - protecting shareholder investment - and stories in the news about officious waitresses refusing to take a blue badge as evidence of a 7 year old's disability from his 7 month pregnant mother, leaving him to soil himself in a pubfull of strangers ain't good press. Your one complaint might not cause a direct fall in share prices but reputational risk is massive and can quickly get out of hand with the likes of MN, Twitter and FB etc.

If you want, I too will email and link to this thread!? But please use this info and yes! Get those high up to read this thread!

thederkinsdame · 31/12/2011 20:11

Personally I think we should organise a MN boycott of weatherspoonspoos. If its up to their staff who looks disabled enough to use their loo then I think we should vote with our feet and tell them they can stick their pubs where the sun don't shine.

runningwilde · 31/12/2011 20:19

If the op wants, I will happily email my disgust about this and link this thread to the manager of weatherspoons... The more of us who do this the better, but it is up to the op. X

Moominsarescary · 31/12/2011 20:25

runningwilde yes do that!, I'm crap, can't link

Does that mean if someone was blind they would have to use the upstairs toilet as they can walk or do they just discriminate against unseen disabilities

Moominsarescary · 31/12/2011 20:27

Thinking about it, I know someone who is a chef at a wetherspoons, I will ask him what their policy is ( and he has a disability)

spiderlight · 31/12/2011 20:29

Poor lad. Definitely complain in writing to someone at a very high level. Absolutely disgusting treatment!

thederkinsdame · 31/12/2011 20:30

Reason I'm suggesting a boycott is my DS has an unseen disability too. I'm equally happy to email the CEO too, but why not hit them where it hurts, by not using their pubs?

two4one · 31/12/2011 20:31

I will email them too - just tell me who to rant at and I'll do it.

Poor you and poor DS Sad

Can't believe they made such a fuss about a loo. Was there a queue for it or something? Who would care so much? Especially when it's for a child. Jeez.

ScaryFairy28 · 31/12/2011 20:34

Thats terrible complain to head office state you woukd like a response as to how they are handling. The situation. Within 28 days or you are going to the press. Absolutely. No excuse for what happened to you today.

cestlavielife · 31/12/2011 20:40

definitely complain in writing poitning out that disabled does not jsut mean "wheelchair user".
also given you had large bump that should also
mean discretion used to allow you not to have to lug yourself upstairs.

for future also - if in simialr situation - say calmly to the person - "ok then i am going to have to ask you to come up the stairs with me and DS as i cannot manage him and the stairs on my own"

"oh i cant leave the bar"

"then please let me have the key..."

i had similar situation different place with ds but 10 years ago... guess not much changed in some places! i wrote to the establishment and got profuse apology... and their promise to train staff

also 7 years ago in airport disabled toilet being told "you cant go in there it's for disabled " - i did turn round and say "yes he is disabled he is eight and wearing nappies"

(now trained but needs help/supervision so disabled toilet is much easier option as more space for two)

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 31/12/2011 20:45

Absolutely disgusting. YANBU Angry

FWIW, my local wetherspoons would not do this, we have asked to use the disabled loos before with no problem.

The staff at yours clearly need educating.

runningwilde · 31/12/2011 20:47

Someone posted this email further up the thread

[email protected]

OP - let us know if you want us to email too x

ImpOfThePerverse · 31/12/2011 20:47

YANBU please complain, what a horrible experience. At the very least the waitress should be offered further training to prevent this happening again.

ProPerformer · 31/12/2011 20:49

DEfinitly complain!!

That is disgusting behaviour from both the staff member and the manager. They need training and a kick up the a*se!

justasmallglass · 31/12/2011 21:00

Unbelievable. Definitely make a formal complaint, I suggest their HQ will be concerned and will respond to you. It is certainly not for them to judge whether your son is eligible to use the toilet, you said he is disabled and at that point they should have given you the key, not judged on how disabled he appeared. You were treated terribly, that would have infuriated me.

Bossybritches22 · 31/12/2011 21:02

I would def. complain but playing devils advocate here make sure you name her it could be that she is a particularly crap member of the human race staff & if your complaint is one of many it might help them get rid of her.

Either way they can have a kick up the arse as regards their standards of staff training & hopefully act on this. Disgraceful.