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Original poster

To think my son had every right to use the toilet! (Long sorry)

141 replies

SleepingWithGhosts · 31/12/2011 17:07

Yes I know it's another disabled toilet thread but I am so angry and need to rant somewhere.

Just got back from our local Wetherspoons as been for a meal with the children during which my son (7 years old) needed the toilet.

In Wetherspoons the toilets are upstairs and there is a disabled toilet downstairs.

I went to take him to the disabled toilet, he has many diagnosed conditions including Dyspraxia (struggles to walk up stairs as poor balance), Global Development Delay (cannot manage his own toileting needs and needs me to wipe his bottom, re-dress him etc.), Continence Issues (can soil/wet himself if dosn't get to a toilet in time) and Autism (dosn't react well to hand dryer noise) so we always use a disabled toilet where we can as it means I can go in with him and help him whereas normally it's difficult but with these toilets being upstairs I would have needed to carry him up and being 7 months pregnant at the minute I could not have managed.

He is legally registered as disabled and has high rate DLA for both care and mobility. He has full time 1-1 care during school. Just trying to show he is disabled and fairly severe.

Got to the disabled toilet and saw they were locked, not by a radar key (we have one of those) so went to the bar and asked the waitress for the key to the toilet.

Coversation went like this, with a word or two wrong proberly:

Me: Hi, can I have the key for the disabled toilet please

Her: No problem, who is it for?

Me: My son (whilst pointing to him)

Her: What's wrong with him?

Me: He is disabled and needs the toilet.

Her: I need to know why, it's for disabled people only.

Me: He is disabled. He has 6 different diagnosed conditions (getting the blue badge out of my bag to show her at this point). He struggles to manage the stairs and I can't carry him so he does need to use it.

Her: I am sorry but we only allow people who can't walk upstairs to use it.

Me: He can't walk up the stairs.

Her: Well he seems to walk fine now (pointing over to him as he is walking round the table)

Me: Started to argue back about the fact that walking on level ground and up stairs are two different things and while he can walk he has balance issues which you can clearly see by the fact he walks with his arms sticking out at the sides but got called by my DD and had to leave the conversation.

Went back to the children and DS has wet himself and is becoming distressed. We had finished eating at that point so got the children and left.

Phoned Wetherspoons when I got back as I was so annoyed that my son had been refused access to the toilet when he is disabled and I had his blue badge to prove it.

Manager apologised to me but explained that it is down to the decission of individual staff as to wether someone is entitled to use the disabled toilet or not and that their guidence is people who can walk don't need it so the waitress did nothing wrong.

AIBU to think:

a) My son WAS entitled to use the toilet
b) It's not down to the staff to decide who is entitled to use the toilet or not
c) I shouldn't have to spend 10 minutes arguing why my son needs the toilet and giving out confidential information about his conditions in front of a bar full of people drinking.

I am considering writing a complaint but not sure if it's worth it, just bloody angry on behalf of my DS and annoyed our meal out was cut short (we had not yet ordered deserts).

OP posts:
blackeyedsanta · 31/12/2011 21:14

I would definately think twice about taking children to weatherspoons. with 2 on my on, one who has hidden difficulties and another who is under investigation and needs careful management it would be difficult to manage upstairs.

notsohappymummy · 31/12/2011 21:59

This is outrageous! Please complain. What about those of us with invisible disabilities. I have Ulcerative Colitis when I need to go I need to go!!!!

I shall write to their HQ on your behalf.

champagnevanity · 31/12/2011 22:08

I will bloomin email them and complain, Which town was the weatherspoons in?

I dont mean instead of you, i mean aswell as you, just incase that wasnt clear...

MirandaGoshawk · 31/12/2011 22:12

YANBU. What a horrible expereince for you and your DS.

Leaving everything else aside, I can't believe that if someone makes the effort to go to the bar & ask for the key that they would refuse them.

Silly girl needs a good talking to re-training - I would write to her manager.

InExcelsisDeo · 31/12/2011 22:33

A branch of Wetherspoons was sued (successfully) years ago for refusing access to a someone in a wheelchair, trying to attend a family meal, due to the "no buggies" rule they had in place. They do not appear to have progressed very far since then.

I would complain directly to their head office, and question why on earth they think that only people who cannot walk up the stairs would need to use a disabled toilet.

And if they are going to give their staff such obtuse and unenlighted guidelines to follow, I would like to know what training their members of staff are given in order to be able to assess someone's ability to walk up (and down) stairs safely.

It is hard to understand the utter lack of thought, understanding or sense in such a policy. And if it was a genuine lack of thought, they should be immediately changing their policy now that they have had it demonstrated to them just how wrong the parameters of their definition of "disabled" are.

foreverondiet · 31/12/2011 22:53

Totally disgusting behaviour. Complain to their head office and mention name of staff who was so rude. Copy in the restaurant.

foreverondiet · 31/12/2011 23:03

I think also for future reference the conversation should go something like this:

Well he's registered disabled and he can't walk up the stairs and I can't carry him, so as he can't access either the locked toilet or the upstairs one he'll wet himself. Either way if you don't give me the key I'll complain about you personally to the CEO of your company, so you better be pretty sure you are right before you don't give me the key.

YuleingFanjo · 31/12/2011 23:09
  1. it's not for disabled people it's for people with a disability. They need to brush up on their disability awareness training.
  2. if I were you I would go back with a big sign saying 'Toilet for people who can't walk' and stick it on the door.
  3. complain again.
iscream · 01/01/2012 01:19

YaDaNbu. So this was a Wetherspoon's waitress was it! What is it to her if he used it anyways? Some people, give them a key, or a small bit of authority, they think they rule the world. She was out of line, wrong and Wetherspoon's should apologuise and get their policies in order.

I would complain in writing and even to the newspaper/local tv station.

"What does the Disability Discrimination Act (DDA) state?
.
4.7 (p39): ?From 1st October 1999 a service provider has to take reasonable steps to change a practice which makes it unreasonably difficult for disabled people to make use of its services. ?

iscream · 01/01/2012 01:28

From Wetherspoon's web site. I guess they forgot to tell that waitress this policy.

"Let?s be blunt: without the best people, we can?t offer the best service ? and it?s great service which you, the customers, want above all else."

LulaBear · 01/01/2012 01:45

Shocking! I've spent a lot of time as a waitress and would never dare ask somebody how they were disabled :O if somebody asks for the disabled toilet, you NEVER ask why (not a big deal) let alone see a blue badge. Complain!

PinkPepper · 01/01/2012 01:53

Write to head office, That is not company policy, when I worked there we didn't ask why someone needed the key. There are way to many reasons someone needs more accessible toilets, much easier just to give key to anyone. Even if that does open it to misuse, no way would I want to make a decision if someone needed it or not.

Bogeyface · 01/01/2012 02:14

When you complain to head office, make sure you include a addy to this thread. I am bloody sure that WSpoons wont be happy that MNers know about their appalling treatment of you.

pigletmania · 01/01/2012 08:46

Contact head office, telephone and write, and include a link to this thread in your e mail. If no joy, and you receive the same standard response, than go to the local press, and shame them. I am Shock Angry, how anyone can lack any common sense and compassion, especially after you showed them your blue badge.

pigletmania · 01/01/2012 08:48

oh yes I would definitely go to the local press if you do not get anywhere.

MrsHoarder · 01/01/2012 12:40

Be wary with the local press: especially as a web search will turn up the information that your son actually wet himself. This is liable to end up on the front page which you may not want to happen (obviously you may feel humiliating WS is worth this, but ijust be aware it could happen).

Complaining to head office has no such risk.

dampanddrizzly · 01/01/2012 12:49

how does he get upstairs at home?

dearprudence · 01/01/2012 13:04

I am fuming on your behalf and you should definitely complain.

madhairday · 01/01/2012 13:05

This is awful Shock I am so sorry for your ds, op.

Do complain to head office and state that they are clearly in breach of the DDA and need to not only re-train their staff in clear guidelines but also in simple humanity and sensitivity.

I'm disgusted, tbh. I have a disability which can't be seen as it's in my lungs. Do I really need to go through the whole process of explaining this if I am unable to climb stairs on a day I am visiting a pub? Angry

I'm appalled on your behalf. I really think this should go further tbh. Has anyone tweeted this thread at Wetherspoons? I can do this if you like oP.

IndianOcean · 01/01/2012 13:13

It is completely unreasonable of Wetherspoons to have a policy which relies on the 'expertise' of a waitress or bar person to be able to assess or diagnose disability. And goes against every model of good practice and law.

Write a calm letter to Head Office, and copy it to your MP and local council.

No way would I personally go to the press or Twitter etc with anything making my child public in a toilet incident. There are proper channels for complaint and protest which do not involve as much humiliation and exposure for the child as the complained-of incident.

edam · 01/01/2012 13:14

poor ds! That is shocking. When will these idiots get the point that discrimation against people with disabilities is actually, you know, illegal? And that random strangers don't get to decide who is disabled and who isn't?

DO complain to the chief executive. In your shoes, I'd want an apology and assurance that all staff will be told very clearly that it's not their job to demand confidential medical information from customers.

pigletmania · 01/01/2012 13:20

MrsHoadre I did not think of that, but yes I would consider legal action against the chain if nothing is done.

Feenie · 01/01/2012 13:24

dampanddrizzly Why do you want to know? It's irrelevant to this thread.

ReindeerBollocks · 01/01/2012 13:39

I just saw this thread! Very similar to the other one(mine), but absolutely your son had a right to use the toilet. A strong complaint to Wetherspoons HQ is in order.

I am so sorry he had to wet himself - poor mite doesn't deserve that treatment.

And yes he would absolutely qualify to use the toilet, they shouldn't have stopped you and definitely not after you produced the badge. Awful treatment of a child with a disability IMO. I hope your son is ok about the incident now.

festi · 01/01/2012 13:46

why does it matter if and how he gets up the stairs at home? he was not at home he was in a different environment.

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