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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my son had every right to use the toilet! (Long sorry)

141 replies

SleepingWithGhosts · 31/12/2011 17:07

Yes I know it's another disabled toilet thread but I am so angry and need to rant somewhere.

Just got back from our local Wetherspoons as been for a meal with the children during which my son (7 years old) needed the toilet.

In Wetherspoons the toilets are upstairs and there is a disabled toilet downstairs.

I went to take him to the disabled toilet, he has many diagnosed conditions including Dyspraxia (struggles to walk up stairs as poor balance), Global Development Delay (cannot manage his own toileting needs and needs me to wipe his bottom, re-dress him etc.), Continence Issues (can soil/wet himself if dosn't get to a toilet in time) and Autism (dosn't react well to hand dryer noise) so we always use a disabled toilet where we can as it means I can go in with him and help him whereas normally it's difficult but with these toilets being upstairs I would have needed to carry him up and being 7 months pregnant at the minute I could not have managed.

He is legally registered as disabled and has high rate DLA for both care and mobility. He has full time 1-1 care during school. Just trying to show he is disabled and fairly severe.

Got to the disabled toilet and saw they were locked, not by a radar key (we have one of those) so went to the bar and asked the waitress for the key to the toilet.

Coversation went like this, with a word or two wrong proberly:

Me: Hi, can I have the key for the disabled toilet please

Her: No problem, who is it for?

Me: My son (whilst pointing to him)

Her: What's wrong with him?

Me: He is disabled and needs the toilet.

Her: I need to know why, it's for disabled people only.

Me: He is disabled. He has 6 different diagnosed conditions (getting the blue badge out of my bag to show her at this point). He struggles to manage the stairs and I can't carry him so he does need to use it.

Her: I am sorry but we only allow people who can't walk upstairs to use it.

Me: He can't walk up the stairs.

Her: Well he seems to walk fine now (pointing over to him as he is walking round the table)

Me: Started to argue back about the fact that walking on level ground and up stairs are two different things and while he can walk he has balance issues which you can clearly see by the fact he walks with his arms sticking out at the sides but got called by my DD and had to leave the conversation.

Went back to the children and DS has wet himself and is becoming distressed. We had finished eating at that point so got the children and left.

Phoned Wetherspoons when I got back as I was so annoyed that my son had been refused access to the toilet when he is disabled and I had his blue badge to prove it.

Manager apologised to me but explained that it is down to the decission of individual staff as to wether someone is entitled to use the disabled toilet or not and that their guidence is people who can walk don't need it so the waitress did nothing wrong.

AIBU to think:

a) My son WAS entitled to use the toilet
b) It's not down to the staff to decide who is entitled to use the toilet or not
c) I shouldn't have to spend 10 minutes arguing why my son needs the toilet and giving out confidential information about his conditions in front of a bar full of people drinking.

I am considering writing a complaint but not sure if it's worth it, just bloody angry on behalf of my DS and annoyed our meal out was cut short (we had not yet ordered deserts).

OP posts:
AmIthatbad · 31/12/2011 17:45

Can't add anything to what has already been said...... YADDDDDNBU

RedRosie · 31/12/2011 17:47

Sorry gottagetanewcalender, I stand corrected. I will tell my DH that he is not as clever as he thinks he is ...

OP. Please do complain. Things won't change if people don't do something. I'm shocked.

TaffyandTeenyTaffy · 31/12/2011 17:47

YA most definitely NBU. Shocking. I would write and complain to the pub and to head office. My mother is disabled with a blue badge - she too can walk ok on the flat but not upstairs.... I would be absolutely livid if anyone said anything like that to her. Disgraceful - the staff need training in disability awareness and manners.

whomovedmychocolate · 31/12/2011 17:49

Can I ask which Wetherspoons it was?

fireandthefury · 31/12/2011 17:50

What's wrong with him?

Me: He is disabled and needs the toilet.

Her: I need to know why, it's for disabled people only.

Me: He is disabled. He has 6 different diagnosed conditions (getting the blue badge out of my bag to show her at this point). He struggles to manage the stairs and I can't carry him so he does need to use it.

Her: I am sorry but we only allow people who can't walk upstairs to use it.

Me: He can't walk up the stairs.

She contradicted herself there - first she says it's for disabled people, then she says it's for people who can't walk up stairs. SHe sounds like she was being a bitch to me.

Complain!!

RedHotSanta · 31/12/2011 17:51

Disgraceful! Please complain so that noone else has to go through that!
That sort of thing would mortify my DM who is registered disabled although could manage the stairs just (walks with sticks, but can manage stairs if necessary).

She uses a catheter and has a colostomy, and therefore needs a disabled toilet not because of her mobility issues but because she needs private access to a sink, and plenty of room to manouvre. I'm sure my DM would have just loved having to regale pub staff with her bowel and urinary issues Hmm.

icooksocks · 31/12/2011 17:52

YADNBU I'm Shock Shock at that sort of treatment, I'd be fuming.

I think a formal letter of complaint is in order. I can understand the initial why do you need disabled toilet if he doesn't "look" disabled (whatever that actually means) but the production of the blue badge (not that you should have to proove anything) should have been the cue to hand over the key. I'm quite Angry on your behalf

pinkstinks · 31/12/2011 17:58

Hi sleeping
No there was no real guidance to do with the keys, also one thing which infuriated me was only managers or supervisors had them, which meant there was not always one to hand meaning people had to wait. Sometimes I would be left on my own on the bar with a queue of people and wouldnt have the key when someone asked. Normally there was a handy regular with his own who didnt mind sharing, but I always said there should be one placed under a till or something, as on occasion I couldnt get hold of one, and would have to leave the bar unattended and run around a huge building to find a supervisor!!
I hate that company with a passion!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 31/12/2011 18:06

www.jdwetherspoon.co.uk/home/contact
HTH

lunar1 · 31/12/2011 18:51

I think she needs to be made to stand in a public place till she pees herself, she obviously likes the power to decide who is allowed access to her precious key. I hope you didn't pay.

hackmum · 31/12/2011 18:56

I agree with the others - complain to head office. What makes me so angry about all this is that what did she think was the worst that could happen? The absolute worst was that someone who wasn't genuinely disabled used the disabled toilet. The world wasn't going to end, was it?

dippydoodah · 31/12/2011 19:06

Absolutely shocking - YADNBU and should be shouting from the rooftops about their utterly shitty behaviour towards you.

Pliny · 31/12/2011 19:10

[email protected]

www.ceoemail.com

I'd go back in tomorrow and get both the manager's and the waitress's names (it may be training or lack of or it may be individual control freak pettiness so best to have names rather than tar whole staff with same brush) first and then send a lovely email to John Hutson (email address above) who I believe is still the CEO.

Maybe he'd like a link to this thread?

If he actually cares about his company's reputation he will want to hear about your horrible experience and do something about it. After all, that's what his job is - protecting shareholder investment - and stories in the news about officious waitresses refusing to take a blue badge as evidence of a 7 year old's disability from his 7 month pregnant mother, leaving him to soil himself in a pubfull of strangers ain't good press. Your one complaint might not cause a direct fall in share prices but reputational risk is massive and can quickly get out of hand with the likes of MN, Twitter and FB etc.

YouOldSlag · 31/12/2011 19:13

I am a big fan of the complaint letter. Not unnecessarily and not to get freebies or anything, but as a tool to improve customer service and to point out unfairness or deception.

In your case I would do as other posters have said and write to Wetherspoons HQ or even the CEO. Mention Mumsnet- the power of this website is mighty and has been very successful in campaigning and being a reasonable voice among chaos.

The member of staff had no qualification or right to deny you that key. She was on a silly little power trip that led your son to wet himself. The fact that this was allowed to happen within a large national chain beggars belief. If you ask me the Manager should be in deep shit as well for allowing this.

It is high time that people realised that a wheelchair or crutches are NOT the only indicator of a disability. I am astonished that this still happens.

cheekychubster · 31/12/2011 19:14

Ex spoons manager here!

I can tell you that Managers are trained to not discriminate against anyone and what you have experienced today is definately not what i would call standard by any means.

It is down to staff discretion who the key is handed out to, but thats to give staff the option to refuse a group of drunk people who cant make it up the stairs, safe in the knowledge they wont get earache for refusal from higher members of staff.

It most definately isnt to pick and choose who is disabled enough to use them and i would be furious aswell.

I would contact head office straight away and complain, they do pass it onto unit managers who have to log a response and action it.

I dont think Mr Tim Martin would be overly happy reading these posts as he really did want a family friendly pub when i worked there and i'm sure he is still running the show. He's a lovely bloke believe it or not!

The Pub is only as good as its unit manager, Pink it sounds as though you had a shit oneGrin

They will take your complaint seriously especially against a disabled child

Goodluck

Figgyrollsintoapudding · 31/12/2011 19:15

sleeping write to Tim Martin, John Hutson and Su Cacioppo who are the Non exec chairman, chief exec and legal director respectively here Any problems pm me, seriously.

spiderpig8 · 31/12/2011 19:18

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startail · 31/12/2011 19:19

Letter to management. My Dad has heart failure and a blue badge. He looks fine, but would get breathless going up and down long flights of stairs.

cornsilxkski · 31/12/2011 19:20

spiderpig you are disgusting.

RedRosie · 31/12/2011 19:22

Yes OP. Do complain, politely and with the full facts that you have laid out here ...

Sometimes we don't complain when we should because anger fades a bit over time, but we might be doing other people a real disservice if we don't.

Your little boy deserves dignity and respect as everyone else does, and this is very poor service whether it is company policy or an issue with a particular member of staff.

Good luck.

hackmum · 31/12/2011 19:22

And the other thing is, this kind of publicity is really bad for them: how many people will read this thread on Mumsnet? Hundreds? Thousands? How many of us will mention it to our friends? The end result is that several thousand people end up thinking badly of Wetherspoons. Not a good outcome!

Figgyrollsintoapudding · 31/12/2011 19:22

Nice Spiderpig. How helpful you are Hmm

herbietea · 31/12/2011 19:23

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herbietea · 31/12/2011 19:24

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gamerwidow · 31/12/2011 19:26

spiderpig don't be stupid, do you really think the OP would have argued the toss and let her son wet himself if she had any other option.
The waitress was absolutely at fault here, she had been shown at least 2 forms of proof for the OPs sons disability what more proof that could she possibly need.

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