Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my son had every right to use the toilet! (Long sorry)

141 replies

SleepingWithGhosts · 31/12/2011 17:07

Yes I know it's another disabled toilet thread but I am so angry and need to rant somewhere.

Just got back from our local Wetherspoons as been for a meal with the children during which my son (7 years old) needed the toilet.

In Wetherspoons the toilets are upstairs and there is a disabled toilet downstairs.

I went to take him to the disabled toilet, he has many diagnosed conditions including Dyspraxia (struggles to walk up stairs as poor balance), Global Development Delay (cannot manage his own toileting needs and needs me to wipe his bottom, re-dress him etc.), Continence Issues (can soil/wet himself if dosn't get to a toilet in time) and Autism (dosn't react well to hand dryer noise) so we always use a disabled toilet where we can as it means I can go in with him and help him whereas normally it's difficult but with these toilets being upstairs I would have needed to carry him up and being 7 months pregnant at the minute I could not have managed.

He is legally registered as disabled and has high rate DLA for both care and mobility. He has full time 1-1 care during school. Just trying to show he is disabled and fairly severe.

Got to the disabled toilet and saw they were locked, not by a radar key (we have one of those) so went to the bar and asked the waitress for the key to the toilet.

Coversation went like this, with a word or two wrong proberly:

Me: Hi, can I have the key for the disabled toilet please

Her: No problem, who is it for?

Me: My son (whilst pointing to him)

Her: What's wrong with him?

Me: He is disabled and needs the toilet.

Her: I need to know why, it's for disabled people only.

Me: He is disabled. He has 6 different diagnosed conditions (getting the blue badge out of my bag to show her at this point). He struggles to manage the stairs and I can't carry him so he does need to use it.

Her: I am sorry but we only allow people who can't walk upstairs to use it.

Me: He can't walk up the stairs.

Her: Well he seems to walk fine now (pointing over to him as he is walking round the table)

Me: Started to argue back about the fact that walking on level ground and up stairs are two different things and while he can walk he has balance issues which you can clearly see by the fact he walks with his arms sticking out at the sides but got called by my DD and had to leave the conversation.

Went back to the children and DS has wet himself and is becoming distressed. We had finished eating at that point so got the children and left.

Phoned Wetherspoons when I got back as I was so annoyed that my son had been refused access to the toilet when he is disabled and I had his blue badge to prove it.

Manager apologised to me but explained that it is down to the decission of individual staff as to wether someone is entitled to use the disabled toilet or not and that their guidence is people who can walk don't need it so the waitress did nothing wrong.

AIBU to think:

a) My son WAS entitled to use the toilet
b) It's not down to the staff to decide who is entitled to use the toilet or not
c) I shouldn't have to spend 10 minutes arguing why my son needs the toilet and giving out confidential information about his conditions in front of a bar full of people drinking.

I am considering writing a complaint but not sure if it's worth it, just bloody angry on behalf of my DS and annoyed our meal out was cut short (we had not yet ordered deserts).

OP posts:
hwjm1945 · 31/12/2011 17:21

def complain, completely unacceptable for you to hae to justify in detail, when you are able to show blue badge etc. obviously they have to guard against it being used by all and sundry so disbaled people have to wait, but really no excuse here

jubilee10 · 31/12/2011 17:21

My Mum is not registered disabled and can walk slowly, indoors, on the flat, but can't manage stairs and when she has to go she has to go. We would have had to leave if she could not have used the disabled toilets.

YADNBU, complain.

Honeydragon · 31/12/2011 17:22

Utterly shocking. Also fuck training, she showed a total lack if compassion. There is no way on earth she would have been sacked for relinquishing the key. Petty control freak springs to mind Angry

Original poster
SleepingWithGhosts · 31/12/2011 17:22

Thank you, glad it's not just me who thinks this was wrong.

I understand some people may use it when they don't need it but like someone said why would I bother to stand there and argue.

I wonder if she spied the rather large pregnancy bump and thought I couldn't be arsed with the stairs hence why she was so reluctant but you don't get a blue badge for being pregnant.

To be fair my DS didn't care either way, he dosn't understand being embarrased, but obviously once he had wet we had to leave (although I had a change of clothes on me just no-where to change him)

This Wetherspoons has a baby room upstairs with a changing mat and feeding chairs etc. so they don't let kids use it as routine like some of them do.

Trying to find some information to back up that they were wrong but it seems the use of a disabled toilet IS down to the individual premises in the eyes of the law, surely this can't be right?

If trained preofessionals agree my son is disabled who are they to argue, it's not like they hand out DLA and blue badges to everyone.

OP posts:
Annpan88 · 31/12/2011 17:22

I would complain about the girl at the pub and the manager you spoke to.

Bar staff can't decide that they don't think someones disabled enough to use the loos. They are disabled. And as for her asking what his disabilities are? Very poor staff training

MrsMcEnroe · 31/12/2011 17:24

Please complain in writing, and don't ever go to a Wetherspoons again - and I won't either (not that I do anyway if I can help it!) as I am so outraged on your behalf, and on your poor DS' behalf too.

That waitress has been shockingly badly informed, and obviously has not received proper Equality and Diversity training.

Hope your DS isn't too upset by this horrible incident.

gottagetanewcalender · 31/12/2011 17:25

Redrose- the Equaliy Act brought the leglislation together and filled the gaps, but in terms of access etc, the DDA sets out the law.

Moominsarescary · 31/12/2011 17:25

I think the badge is the key here, there was no excuse for her not giving you the key once you showed it her, although it's bloody appalling that they won't just take a parents word, it's only a bloody toilet ffs

Original poster
SleepingWithGhosts · 31/12/2011 17:27

It's not really the waitresses fault, as annoying as she was, as the manager I phoned said that's the policy so she was just following orders I suppose, although she should have accepted the blue badge.

Definately won't be going back!
We go quite a lot but it's never been an issue before as I would normally just carry my son upstairs to the toilets (or my DP would) as there is usually someone else wanting the toilet at the same time but being heavilly pregnant I can't do it at the moment and DP wasn't with us.

OP posts:
SuePurblybilt · 31/12/2011 17:28

Really? Complain x a squillion. That is terrible.
I hope someone from their marketing dept self-googles a lot and comes across this and wees their pants

youarekidding · 31/12/2011 17:29

OMFG - complain woman - how utterly discusting. Angry

I work in a special ed school and we always use the disabled toilets as we don't send the pupils in alone (my class all male and staff all female). None of my class are physically disabled, they are all autistic though.

We often take our pupils out for meals to places and I will be showing our HT this as we have a weatherspoons near us and it has been discussed as a future venue.

Why the fuck the woman thought you'd argue the toss about using it when actually you didn't need to I don't know.

I'm often a bit Hmm when people suggest this - but I would be going to the paper - even if just the local one.

Chubfuddler · 31/12/2011 17:30

There is no good reason why you should have shown her the blue badge, but once you did it is outrageous that she refused.

go to papers I would also contact the licensing department of the local council.

whomovedmychocolate · 31/12/2011 17:33

Personally I'd skip the complaint and go straight to the local paper. There's nowt like a public stink to help companies comply with the law. And just after new year there is very little news, you'll probably get front page and force them to grovel to you.

TheMonster · 31/12/2011 17:35

God, when I used to go the Wetherspoons the downstairs disabled loo was used by old men too pissed to walk upstairs.
Shocking. Kick up a stink.

PeneloPeePitstop · 31/12/2011 17:36

Escalate to head office citing the Equalities Act 2010

Eglu · 31/12/2011 17:38

Don't even know where to begin with how wrong the whole situation is. Absolutely complain to HQ, and then papers.

Molehillmountain · 31/12/2011 17:38

Good grief-if you have to ask for a key it's hardly likely that many people would do so if they didn't need to. Does that mean people with colostomy bags have to explain their condition to the bar staff? Or any number of disabilities. That is absolutely outrageous and the manager should not have supported his staff member. I'm Angry you had to go through that. You've done manager, Jo joy so it would be head office. I am very live and let live but not only do you deserve a proper apology but no one should be interviewed over their entitlement to use a loo.

pinkstinks · 31/12/2011 17:39

I have just left a job at wetherspoons as they treated their staff so horrendously. But i am shocked you were refused the key. I always gave the key to anyone who asked, as chances are if they bothered to ask they needed it, I always gave it to them as quickly as possible too!
I started with the company six months ago and received absolutely no training on disabilities etc, luckily I have always been aware of things like this due to my degree etc (sociology and politics), but also just used common sense.
I am really sorry you have had to deal with someone who obviously has no clue, and a company who are more concerned with measuring wastages and over pours of beer than their customers. Since I left I havent been in a wetherspoons, and definately wont be ever again!

Molehillmountain · 31/12/2011 17:40

Btw - it is the manager who is most at fault here- the staff member may have been ignorant or inexperienced and if it's a first offence might need educating rather than a rollicking to get the best resilt fir everyone. The manager is paid to know better.

bochead · 31/12/2011 17:40

Did you ask her to carry him upstairs then clean and change him for you once he'd wet himself? I would have!

I'd include in your letter to head office that you've informed the readership of mumsnet so that mothers like me (kid of same age with similar issues) know to avoid Wetherspoons in future. Funny thing is once treatment like this family & friends tend to avoid the chain too. In a recession no chain can afford to lose cutomers, especially over something so simple to resilve (eg follow the law!).

Original poster
SleepingWithGhosts · 31/12/2011 17:41

pinkstinks Interesting to find someone who has worked with this key system. Did they give any guidence as to who should be given the key?

Obviously you used common sense but not everyone has that clearly. Just wondering if this is a Wetherspoons policy in general or just my local one.

OP posts:
Shakirasma · 31/12/2011 17:42

I am no expert on the DDA, but surely in the same way as an employment contract cannot override employment law, wetherspoons company policy of staff discretion cannot override the law either.

They are obliged to provide toilet facilities as they are an eating establishment, and these must be accessible to the disabled. Yet they see fit to refuse access to disabled people for no good reason!

Get in touch with head office and make a formal complaint. Kick up a huge stink

FreudianSlipper · 31/12/2011 17:43

that is terrible

your poor ds and you. yes you should complain

youarekidding · 31/12/2011 17:44

yes, agree with bochead. I am already showing this to the HT of my special school - these things do pass down the line.

Original poster
SleepingWithGhosts · 31/12/2011 17:44

bochead No I didn't but would loved to have seen her face when asked that :)

Not trying to tell people not to use Wetherspoons, it may just be my local one that's like this and the others could be lovely.

One we went to out of town was amazing, but the toilets were downstairs there so no issue like this.

OP posts: