to think this situation's 'resolution' is completely unfair?

[LearnerInLife]

My son who is 17 is gay. When people chat about their children in the office, I do so about my son and his younger sister. I've mentioned my son's boyfriend in conversation briefly. I've mentioned some bullying he got at school and how we dealt with it. I've mentioned how next year we're giving him permission to go to Pride because we think he's old enough now. I also talk about my daughter's activities and friends just as much. I talk about my son's school work, friends and activities too. Talking about my son within the context of him being gay has been no more than any other member of my office talking about their children's sexuality in the context of their boyfriends, girlfriends, dates etc. This chat does not go on all the time nor does it impede work. It will be while a few of us have our coffee break together etc.

One woman who has recently joined my office told me that she can't believe I'm so blase about my son 'being a homosexual and engaging in that type of behaviour'. She has also has told me that I'm an irresponsible parent for allowing him to go to Pride because 'goodness knows what he could get up to and surely you have to think of your daughter.' She has quoted scriptures at me and yesterday gave me a card that basically said that if he carried on in this course my son was going to hell and I would be to blame! Oh, and that she'd pray for me! Throughout all of this I have kept civil with her. I tried reasoning with her. I then said that we obviously would not agree but that I was as proud of my son as my daughter and would carry on being so. I made a point of trying not to be obnoxious and 'rub it in her face' to make a point but still not, when talking to the others, to change my behaviour or suddenly act as if I should be ashamed of him and talk differently. Every single member of the office has rolled their eyes at me when she has insisted on carrying on with her behaviour or has actually spoken to me in a "WHAT is her problem?" type of way.

Anyway, my boss approached me today. This woman had complained to him that I was 'inflicting my views upon her' and that she was being made to feel uncomfortable. My boss asked me to not mention my son in office conversation anymore. I asked him if he was going to make that rule for all or just me. His reaction was that I was being 'over-sensitive and should try to be more accommodating of others' beliefs.' He then had to rush off to a meeting so I didn't see him again today. We have the bank holiday and so I have until Tuesday to think of what I want to say as I feel I need to talk to him more and stress my firm objections to the way he is handling this. AIBU?

hey ho, everyone is entitled to their opinion.
However the law has stepped in to promote certain "opinions " over others . For example, everyone should be treated with the same respect in the workplace and elsewhere, regardless of sex, colour, religion, sexual orientation.

rerevisionist I am curious to hear whether you think this is a bad thing? Not having a go at all, I'm really curious to understand those who hold views I can't get my head round at all.

Your boss has taken the cowardly route. Your co-worker has made a fuss, he has bowed to it. Make the bigger one and use melpomeme's very useful information to inform him that he is contravening your rights FAR more than you are touching on hers.
I hope it works out for you.

learner She's a fucking fruit cake Please, try not to let it upset you. People like that are not worth getting upset over. Of course you need to take this up with your boss & your union etc as she cannot be allowed to get away with that shit.

I bet your Boss has spent Christmas with his head in his hands and a glass of Whiskey - knowing this is only the beginning

Don't let the card out of your sight in case it 'goes missing'. She has really done her chips writing that to you.... watch her fry!

You are a lovely Mum, don't let her stop you being so open and natural/chatty about your son.

chipping, you've summed it up well. I bet your boss, if he is reasonable, is feeling terrible about this. He probably knows he is wrong but has to smooth things over to accommodate the workplace unreasonable lady

learner I'm in awe of your self control. I'd have knocked her into next year if she'd given me that card.

What an ignoramous she is. Her beliefs are hers, she is entitled to them, but she is not entitled to foist them on others. You're doing great.

OP: Is this the first you've heard of her rolling out her religious beliefs at one of her co-workers?

Have a look at the anti discimination laws. That woman is discriminating against you and so is your boss.

Be reasonable, send an e-mail containing the law and explaining that you have been a victim of discrimination but will not take it any further as long as it stops now.

You might, out of divilment, ask the cow orker if she eats prawns. In Leviticus both homosexuality and eating crustations are described as abominations in the same section.

In fact maybe show her a letter to 'Dr Laura' a US radio broadcaster - it highlights a few things that your religious Cow orker should be aware of:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law.

I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge
with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Law and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

1. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

1. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

1. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and

female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

1. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2.The passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

1. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an

abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

1. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

1. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

1. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable
expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

Anonymous

YANBU and I am gutted to read threads like this.

Your boss is at the very least going against your employers equal opportunities policy and at worse breaking the law. He's also a jerk.

You sound like a lovely mum, your son is lucky to have you.

Handing out religious tracts (which is effectively what you received, with the added "bonus" of her personal comments) is a huge no no at work. In my previous job we had a freelance worker try to convert a client in the middle of a professional health session! He handed out various tracts including graphic pro life ones. It was hugely inappropriate especially given the client's vulnerability. We reported him to his agency & made a note never to book him again. If he had been staff there would have been an immediate emergency meeting to begin a disciplinary process.

Good luck with your complaint & you sound like a fab mum. :)

you have been given such amazing advice on here - with exception or rere ignore that advice.

Your boss is clearly being outrageously unreasonable but I do think you need to consider whether his response to the complaint by the religious nut has been one of knee jerk panic or is he actually homophobic himself?

Whilst it being the former is not an excuse, it does IMO, mean you ought to work with him rather than against- if all this kicks off which it likely will (and so should it) he may well be your best ally.

If of course he is of the same ilk as revisionist then go for it.

As an aside you sound like a lovely mum who is rightly proud of her DCs and I hope this matter is resolved swiftly and to your satisfaction.

That is such a great letter sashh

Learner what a rotten situation for you. I really hope that your boss comes back from the Christmas break having thought some more about his words and immediately apologises (somehow I doubt he will if he has already used the "PC' line). If he doesn't then I hope that you have a good HR department who can sort this out for you without causing too many ructions.

On the plus side you have some great evidence from your frankly unhinged co-worker. It can be really difficult to prove this sort of discrimination, but you have it all in totally outrageous black and white.

Yanbu you've had some good advice so can't add to that but I had a argument with a homophobic prick at my workplace years ago. He said aids was because gay people had had sex with monkeys and all sorts of utter shite! I was then declared a lesbian for defending gay people (I am not but my mum is) I was > < this close to punching him in the face!
Youre in the right and the law is on your side to get your boss onside unfortunately bigots likemthis woman very rarely stop being bigots so you might end up telling her not to speak to you or knocking her out

First, you do sound like a brilliant mum. Don't worry about Pride at all, it is a wonderful celebration and nothing untoward will happen to him.

What is happening to you is unlawful discrimination. You are being treated less favourably because of a "protected characteristic" (your son's sexuality).

I would make a note of all incidents to th best of your memory, and then tell your boss that what he has asked to to do is unlawful discrimination. If he or she continues make a formal complaint.

Hope the situation gets sorted.

I'm not normally a fan of getting HR involved in stuff - but I would make an exception in this case. Your boss sounds as if he hasn't a clue as to how to be a people manager and has himself behaved outrageously. Your work colleague is not worth wasting breath on and I think you have been very tolerant with her. I would find it very difficult to work with someone like that - she certainly seems to have issues.

From what you have posted your boss has acted in a weak way to get an easy life. Once you have pointed out how you feel I suspect he will jump ship again. FWIW. I see no need to talk about your son to your colleague when she clearly feels uncomfortable with it

Everything I was going to say has already been covered on this thread but in summary YES you are covered by the Equalities Act 2010 and YES both your colleague and your boss are therefore acting illegally and YES you sound like an ace mum.

It makes me happy to hear a parent talk so positively about their gay child, I hope that the world is changing and soon your attitude will be the norm. I'm glad you're proud of him and I hope he's proud of you as well.

"I hate the way 'Christians' give themselves the moral high ground and feel entitled in the name of their God to dish out the most horrendous comments in a disingenuous bid to help."

So do I. As a Christian I am ashamed that people like this exist. Learner I am horrified that this cow has been allowed to get away with this load of b**cks. Please come back and let us know that this woman has been dismissed has been dealt with appropriately.

You are being harassed and are covered by the 2010 Equality Act : the section on discrimination through association is worth reading.
Sorry if this has been mentioned earlier; I skimmed the thread and was fuming that you have to put up with this crap.
Don't change ANYTHING you do.

YANBU!
I am shocked by your boss and colleagues actions (slightly less by your colleague as I know people who would act like this, and have no idea of the legal danger they place themselves in). As a Christian I would like to point out not all Christians share your colleagues views, and most certainly wouldn't seek to impose their opinions on you in this way whatever they maybe (its a pity I can't say all).

At my DCs school homophobic bullying is in the category of offences punishable at the severest level, and this is homophobic bullying.

As others have said, your boss is also in the wrong, as well as the woman. If it cannot be resolved, use the grievance procedure.

Quite right Mummy and Bun, this aresehole, lady needs reminding that most Christians in this day and age do not hold this viewpoint. And if you she gives you the spiel about Gods Law, quote Sash.

Go and get some advise from ACAS, join a union

this is discrimination

Does anyone else think that rerevisionist isn't getting any sex of any kind whatsoever? He might unclench a little if he was......

OP - you are entirely in the right in this situation. There have been some very good suggestions on this thread and I would push this as hard as you can. You have two approaches - you can raise the fact that you are having this woman's views forced upon you in quite an extreme way and you feel harassed, and you can go down the anti-discrimination route. The card is pure gold in terms of proving your case.

Good luck.

So glad that soemone has found the links to show this is discrimination as I wasn't sure if this would be covered.
TBH I'd mention that to your boss and see what he says. As Aitch says though, I'd do it in a manner of "working with him"- unless you do think he has been unreasonable rather than just misguided.

Also agree with whoever said surely the most risky sex is heterosexual sex - wasn't childbirth the number 1 killer of women of childbearing age, up until recently?