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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think this situation's 'resolution' is completely unfair?

335 replies

LearnerInLife · 30/12/2011 22:50

My son who is 17 is gay. When people chat about their children in the office, I do so about my son and his younger sister. I've mentioned my son's boyfriend in conversation briefly. I've mentioned some bullying he got at school and how we dealt with it. I've mentioned how next year we're giving him permission to go to Pride because we think he's old enough now. I also talk about my daughter's activities and friends just as much. I talk about my son's school work, friends and activities too. Talking about my son within the context of him being gay has been no more than any other member of my office talking about their children's sexuality in the context of their boyfriends, girlfriends, dates etc. This chat does not go on all the time nor does it impede work. It will be while a few of us have our coffee break together etc.

One woman who has recently joined my office told me that she can't believe I'm so blase about my son 'being a homosexual and engaging in that type of behaviour'. She has also has told me that I'm an irresponsible parent for allowing him to go to Pride because 'goodness knows what he could get up to and surely you have to think of your daughter.' She has quoted scriptures at me and yesterday gave me a card that basically said that if he carried on in this course my son was going to hell and I would be to blame! Oh, and that she'd pray for me! Throughout all of this I have kept civil with her. I tried reasoning with her. I then said that we obviously would not agree but that I was as proud of my son as my daughter and would carry on being so. I made a point of trying not to be obnoxious and 'rub it in her face' to make a point but still not, when talking to the others, to change my behaviour or suddenly act as if I should be ashamed of him and talk differently. Every single member of the office has rolled their eyes at me when she has insisted on carrying on with her behaviour or has actually spoken to me in a "WHAT is her problem?" type of way.

Anyway, my boss approached me today. This woman had complained to him that I was 'inflicting my views upon her' and that she was being made to feel uncomfortable. My boss asked me to not mention my son in office conversation anymore. I asked him if he was going to make that rule for all or just me. His reaction was that I was being 'over-sensitive and should try to be more accommodating of others' beliefs.' He then had to rush off to a meeting so I didn't see him again today. We have the bank holiday and so I have until Tuesday to think of what I want to say as I feel I need to talk to him more and stress my firm objections to the way he is handling this. AIBU?

OP posts:
NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 04/01/2012 11:39

Hope things went well OP.

suburbophobe · 04/01/2012 11:58

Thank God YOU are his mum and not HER!!

Wishing you lots of support.

bringbacksideburns · 04/01/2012 12:18

Hope it went well Learner. What did the Union say?

I disagree Heartburn, i don't think she is harmless. She is homophobic, and just like you would challenge a Racist, this needs to be dealt with seriously. She is the one with the problem. She complained about her! Unbelievable.

Your boss handled it disgracefully - How is she accomodating you? In any way, shape or form?

Definitely take it higher - you have handled it very well. I would have told her where to shove her card. Sanctamonious Bigot.
And i'm surprised not one of your colleagues have supported you in this - maybe they should be spoken to?

DancesWithWolves · 04/01/2012 12:37

Another one marking my place.

UnexpectedOrange · 04/01/2012 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 04/01/2012 15:28

Hope it went well Learner.

Pendeen · 04/01/2012 15:56

I think the boss has been put in very difficult position and to be blunt handled the sitution in a cowardly way.

These sort of personal spats have no place at work.

MarthasHarbour · 04/01/2012 16:05

But pendeen the OP didnt cause the 'spat' it was the colleague who has made a massive issue out of nothing.

NewYearsRevolution · 04/01/2012 17:08

Pendeen - I disagree actually. Someone properly training in equal opportunities law would know that this is a pretty straightforward situation and their reaction leaves them exposed to a legal claim. The OP didn't start this, the colleague tried to force their privately held religious views into modifying someone else's perfectly reasonable behaviour.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 04/01/2012 17:23

I hope you managed to sort it out with your boss and don't have to take it further.

tribpot · 04/01/2012 19:14

Also marking my spot for an update.

heartburn · 04/01/2012 19:49

In non-politically correct terms this 'christian' lady would be described as a bit of a nut. I think it is very likely she has mental health issues.
Her homophobic remarks are so outrageous as to be funny. If she were my colleague I would make a conscious effort not to let her live 'rent-free' in my head.
Real discrimination in life, the kind that interferes with your career, is far less obvious.

tethersend · 04/01/2012 19:54

heartburn, if the boss is now not going to employ a gay person for fear of upsetting someone, then this is 'Real' discrimination (according to your definition).

aquashiv · 04/01/2012 19:57

Your boss doesn't know the law. This is discrimination and he needs to be very careful. I would first explain to him how uncomfortable this is making you feel. Give him a chance to think about what he is saying but if it continues I would think about starting a legal process.

Hullygully · 04/01/2012 19:58

I have only read the first page and last.

Arses

and, tethers, is there a single thread you ain't on today..?

tethersend · 04/01/2012 20:02

Off sick.

No voice.

Bored.

Bleeeeuuurrggghh.

Now admit you're stalking me- I was on this thread simply days ago, darling Wink

KatieScarlett2833 · 04/01/2012 20:08

Shamelessly marking place

Fucking loon bitch, hope she gets sacked and your boss too

fit2drop · 04/01/2012 20:24

Rerevisionist Im sorry but I am pronouncing your nick as rear-visionist so I can only laugh when I keep reading your anal comments.

sorry , im such a child when Im bored Grin

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 04/01/2012 20:26

fit2 Grin

smackapacca · 04/01/2012 20:44

Hoping today went as well as you'd hoped op

ZenNudist · 05/01/2012 00:56

Marking place. Sounds like your boss is a tit and made an ill judged knee jerk response (operative word: jerk). I hope your strategy works out for you but keep an open mind about boss. Yeah he has made a mess of this and that probably belies a bit of prejudice on his part... But you still have to work with him. Don't let this bigot woman drag you into anything too epic. She is wrong. Keep it simple and be good natured with everyone other than her.
Ignore the troll everyone - how lame is he? Smile

UnexpectedOrange · 05/01/2012 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarthasHarbour · 05/01/2012 10:18

bump

SardineQueen · 05/01/2012 10:40

Just seen this and marking place to see how it all turns out.

Good luck to OP with it all, what a nightmare.

Pendeen · 05/01/2012 15:24

NewYearsRevolution

If you believe that anything to do with employment law and conflicting personal claims is straightforward I'm afraid you would be sadly disillusioned.

Even though the manager has tried to evade the issue I still maintain that personal spats should be nothing to do with work and both parties should shut up and get on with their work.

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