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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just be a bit shocked by what I found on our computer today?

573 replies

MrsJangleBalls · 29/12/2011 22:34

Disclaimer - I was not bloody snooping!

Well only a little bit. Long story but bear with me...

I am currently trying to download iCloud. It says to go to Networks and Sharing. Well it wasn't there, but access to my dh's files was. His pictures file. Now I know he collects pictures of nude wimmin because I've seen him looking at them before. So I thought I'd take a peek at the kind of thing he was looking at. It was pretty harmless, just lots of posed pictures of naked women, etc. That wasn't what shocked me.

There were over 13,000 pictures.

It was like a fucking library. There were folders, sub-folders, categories, sub-categories, different fetishes, a whole folder full of folders of different women with hundreds of pictures of them in each one (and each one was named!) not to mention folders of lingerie, etc.

Now I know I probably got what I deserved, but 13,000? That's bloody years of collecting it. There's no way I'm going to tell him I've seen it. I didn't touch it, just looked through it. He obviously doesn't know I can find it.

I feel like I ought to be impressed at the sheer scale of it. I'm tempted to move it and wait for him to start asking panicky questions about whether the computer has gone wrong or not.

OP posts:
HairyNigel · 30/12/2011 09:54

I don't think there is a specific number where you'd say enough is enough but surely once you start getting into thousands it becomes a bit much!
I'm sure op has a lovely pair of boobs, why can't he be happy with hers and the odd bit of porn? Sounds to me like he has a problem

trainbrown · 30/12/2011 10:14

If everything else is alright in the relationship then why worry? If this has never been a problem before it should not be now. Just check for your 'folder'. Make sure they are all posed and not pics sent from the women.

I would 'hide' it though, not just to see the panic, but also to give an opportunity to speak to him about it. Get his perspective on this.

TandB · 30/12/2011 10:28

On the subject of the large numbers and the cataloging, I have been involved in several criminal cases relating to illegal porn (which I know this isn't) and in several of them there has been a high level of organisation and obsessive collecting. A psych involved in one of the cases said that for some reason some people who have a strong interest in sexual imagery treat it as a collecting type hobby and are almost more interested in getting complete sets of images and organising them in specific ways than they are in actually looking at them.

There may be an element of that sort of thing going on here.

YouOldSlag · 30/12/2011 11:06

Hmm. interesting one.

If you had just met him and you discovered he had 13,000 nude pictures of women, would you continue being his girlfriend?

If I had just met someone with 13000 naked women pictures, I would run a mile. If, however, I had been married to him for sometime, I would probably go for counselling with him as I could not work past the fact that I would find this very disturbing. It would affect how I felt naked in front of him. I mean thirteen THOUSAND???

molepomandmistletoe · 30/12/2011 12:38

lol, I would congratulate him on his pornganisational skills to be honest and have a laugh with him about that.

Persoanally I wouldnt be too bothered about as long as he doesnt talk to them, hasnt met them, they all are staged and he's not shagging about. He's keeping them locked away from the kids, they are not easy to access by them and I love the way OP has handled it. There are worse things out there than having pictures of posing naked women on a blokes computer.

Yes there are a hell of a lot on there but it's his computer, he's not hurting anyone and OP seems comfortable with it.

Original poster
MrsJangleBalls · 30/12/2011 16:58

Well just to give you a quick update, he's been fishing all day so he hasn't noticed yet. He's out tomorrow as well so it might be Sunday morning before he notices.

Sunday afternoon is New Years family roast dinner. Might be interesting.

Thank you mother for your nice comment and also HairyNigel for saying that I might have nice boobs. I don't think I do but dh seems to love them.

We do have sex sometimes (!) and he does like me to dress up in the bodystockings etc that I now see in the majority of these pictures. I'm not always keen, I feel a bit silly but he says I look fantastic.

So I guess every other part of our relationship is fairly normal! We've been together for fifteen years, married for eight and have two children. I've always known he likes the saucy pictures, I'm just amazed that he's collected so many! I guess it doesn't really bother me now.

Still want to see the look on his face when he finds out he's been rumbled. I may let him have them back, depends what it's worth!

OP posts:
ecclesvet · 30/12/2011 17:14

"I may let him have them back, depends what it's worth!"

Or, y'know, you could act like an adult and actually talk to your husband. Crazy idea, I know Hmm

CrabbyBigbottom · 30/12/2011 17:42

Actually eccles I think the OP has handled this very well - not everything is best solved by discussing it to death and putting people on the spot. Sometimes a bit of humour does the job much better. Wink

HereKittyKitty · 30/12/2011 17:46

YANBU to be shocked by finding this.

DH would be shocked to find a bag of his stuff on the front doorstep if I were in this situation. I could not be married to a man who did this, to be perfectly honest, but OP you obviously have a different attitude!

Collision · 30/12/2011 17:48

marking my place!!

rhondajean · 30/12/2011 18:05

It sounds like playboy online. I wouldn't be bothered about the nude women aspect but if it was take up tons of his time to the detriment of family life, Which you say it isn't, I'd have a problem with that.

My DH has similar photos of me and im sure he prob has the odd mag still.

The naked female form is actually quite beautiful, check classic art out. Now, if it was 13 thousand photos of naked men you may need to talk...

dampanddrizzly · 30/12/2011 18:09

lol at leaving someone who has nekkid pics on their puter

would you say the same to women who collect dodgy photos of half nekkid firemen and whatnot

LOLs again at the sheer stupidity of some silly women

GreenEyesAndNiceHam · 30/12/2011 18:31

Golly.

What a huge creep.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 30/12/2011 18:55

Golly ???

GreenEyesAndNiceHam · 30/12/2011 19:00

Sorry Blush I meant;

crikey

What a huge creep.

Grin
HolyCalamityJane · 30/12/2011 19:13

Tell him that you found his collection and are mightily impressed and you would now like to start amassing photos of mens tadgers and would he mind showing you how to catalogue!!

Bearcrumble · 30/12/2011 19:20

A friend of mine used to hide his porn DVDs up the chimney.

When they all fell out one day his wife hid them and then made sure there was a merry fire burning in the fireplace when he got home.

flatbellyfella · 30/12/2011 19:23

My pictures list:
Naked Ladies. 0
Porn. 0
Naked men. 0
Ladies with clothes on. 0
Trees. 20+
Flowers. 20+
Wildlife. 30+
Granddaughter 19 months. 100+
Friends. 12+
Motor Cycles 60+
car 2
Tools I own. 20+
bicycles. 3.

Adventure holidays & back packing holiday pics. 300+
Am I strange in my choice of pictures stored
On my phone & computer?
13,000 naked ladies does sound like a man with a problem of some kind.

PishWife · 30/12/2011 19:41

HolyCalamityJane... lol at "men's tadgers."

After an initial point and chuckle, I'd have gone to sleep with boredom after about 12 pictures of tadgers. 13,000 would probably put me in a coma Grin

catgirl1976 · 30/12/2011 19:43

ooh i thought "Winter sprouting brocolli" was a euphimism for something for a minute

13k is a lot and the cataloging is nerdy (if he did it - as other have said could be 1 big pre-sorted download) but hey ho - could be worse - imagine if it was pictures of trains or something.

itsbrandybutterandtinseltime · 30/12/2011 19:48

Put it all in a folder renamed "DH's porn".

SimoneD · 30/12/2011 20:17

OP you seem incredibly complacent about this. I think of myself as pretty liberal but if I found that my husband had catalogued 13000 images of naked women Id be fucking horrified. Not least because it shows such an obsessive weird side to a personality. Also, the fact that he felt the need to download this many images would suggest to me that he didnt find me sexually attractive, that he needed to constantly look at other women to get turned on and I couldnt be in a relationship like that. Im trying to imagine what sort of a mental state I would have to be in to sit and download then catalogue thousands of images of naked men, seriously disturbed! I feel quite sad for you OP

redlac · 30/12/2011 20:36

I agree that these have prob came from a torrent site which catalogued them rather than the OPs husband

Sookeh · 30/12/2011 20:36

Agree with others who say it's probably a torrent download.

Original poster
MrsJangleBalls · 30/12/2011 20:46

I shouldn't imagine he finds me sexually attractive in the slightest. I'm about three stone overweight and still have a huge flabby tummy two years after my last dc. I had assumed the pictures were for some sort of sexual gratification. I didn't think they were an appreciation of art. It's sweet that he says I look fantastic if I do dress up for him. I think he hides it because he knows that I would compare myself to them.

OP posts: