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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just be a bit shocked by what I found on our computer today?

573 replies

MrsJangleBalls · 29/12/2011 22:34

Disclaimer - I was not bloody snooping!

Well only a little bit. Long story but bear with me...

I am currently trying to download iCloud. It says to go to Networks and Sharing. Well it wasn't there, but access to my dh's files was. His pictures file. Now I know he collects pictures of nude wimmin because I've seen him looking at them before. So I thought I'd take a peek at the kind of thing he was looking at. It was pretty harmless, just lots of posed pictures of naked women, etc. That wasn't what shocked me.

There were over 13,000 pictures.

It was like a fucking library. There were folders, sub-folders, categories, sub-categories, different fetishes, a whole folder full of folders of different women with hundreds of pictures of them in each one (and each one was named!) not to mention folders of lingerie, etc.

Now I know I probably got what I deserved, but 13,000? That's bloody years of collecting it. There's no way I'm going to tell him I've seen it. I didn't touch it, just looked through it. He obviously doesn't know I can find it.

I feel like I ought to be impressed at the sheer scale of it. I'm tempted to move it and wait for him to start asking panicky questions about whether the computer has gone wrong or not.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 30/12/2011 00:29

Agent - not banging on honest, just aghast that anyone would think I had a 'sick' mind for saying it was likely that in 13000 images one was dodgy.

She said I had a sick mind for thinking that at least one would be dodgy.

So I said that was a bit thick (to not realise that at least one image might be dodgy)

I've no idea if she's less intelligent than me, just object to being called 'sick' when I state the bleeding obvious.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2011 00:30

You're absolutely right of course Scarlett but I think the point being made further up the thread was (certainly in my case) that many of the men working with my DH have Wives who swear blind their DH's don't view porn, when they blatantly do.

I don't think anyone's talking about all men though unless I missed that bit.

Sometimes it's similar to parents swearing blind their teens don't touch alcohol, but your own teen is telling you they've just seen them neck a six pack of WKD.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2011 00:32

Laurie I think we were speaking at cross purposes because I thought you were saying the OP's DH would be looking at child porn should he find it in the downloads.

Sorry for the misunderstanding but all too often these threads end up with the man being made out as some kind of kiddly fiddler because the enjoys naked women over the age of 18.

Pandemoniaa · 30/12/2011 00:36

As a photographer myself, I'm most impressed with his cataloguing. It's a well nigh full time job in itself so quite how he finds time to make any deposits in his personal wank bank I cannot imagine.

Could you not invest in a small, er, flash drive though? Just to witness the consternation on his face when he discovers his prized archive has gone missing and he is faced with the dilemma of keeping quiet or coming clean and inviting you to assist with his enquiries.

thunderboltsandlightning · 30/12/2011 00:37

It's creepy isn't it? He likes seeing women used and objectified like this, and he likes it so much he has a catalogued library of it. He basically has a set of wank files.

It's interesting you said you'd be annoyed if there were any "real" women in the collection OP, because they are all actually real people. Real human women who your husband is having a wank over.

LaurieFairyCake · 30/12/2011 00:38

Thanks for the apology Smile

I definitely would not make any assumptions about the op's partner viewing exploited images.

I just make a reasonable assumption that in 13000 images at least one is going to be obtained through exploitation or coercion. In general I imagine it would be quite challenging to get 13000 pornographic images that are legal and obtained with full consent.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2011 00:39

I think she might have meant real as in women they personally know who have posed for him...rather than models paid to pose.

I might be wrong though.

AgentZigzag · 30/12/2011 00:40

How many 'products' could you say at least one person has been exploited making it though laurie?

It's possible the OPs DH didn't want to talk to her about it because he feels it's a private thing?

I don't tell DH everything about my whole life, it's up to me to pick and choose which bits I talk about.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2011 00:40

Fair enough Laurie but I really don't think it would be that challenging at all, considering how many modelling agencies there are in the world.

Still let's hope they're all legit Smile

alicethehorse · 30/12/2011 00:41

25 a week for 10 years would be 13K, for example.

Just to put it into perspective.
Definitely an ongoing 'hobby' then!

"I guess if he's been collecting it for years, at the same time as being a loving husband and father, it can't be doing too much harm, can it?"

Putting aside general arguments about porn, I'd tend to agree with this.

LaurieFairyCake · 30/12/2011 00:44

Modelling?

You missed the tits and fannies bit further up didn't you Wink

It wasnt Versace Grin

rasputin · 30/12/2011 00:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ComposHat · 30/12/2011 00:46

13,000 women, what on earth does he want so many for? Is his right wrist permanently in a splint?

I would put a password on the files: imagine his frustration (and your amusement) next time he wants to polish his porpoise and can't access the images and is frantically typing in random words into the password box.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2011 00:46

Re the massive amount of pics....

He might not have viewed a fraction of them. I mean if he's downloaded individual albums with say...100 photos in each of them.

That's only 13 downloads isn't it?

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2011 00:47

LOL I meant porn modelling! Grin

AgentZigzag · 30/12/2011 00:47

Fnar at polishing his porpoise Grin

Pandemoniaa · 30/12/2011 00:51

Phnar, phnar at polished porpoises.

ComposHat · 30/12/2011 00:56

or my personal favourite euphemism for the act of onanism...glazing the knuckle.

alicethehorse · 30/12/2011 01:29

WorraLiberty it'd be 130 downloads of 100 pics (the OP found 13,000 not 1,300) but still your point stands.

13,000 sounds like a heck of a lot, but actually over tim it's pretty feasible if the OP's DH likes to collect the pictures (which it would seem he does!)

I would imagine most regular porn users probably look at as many images, they just don't keep all of them. And it sounds like relatively tame stuff, the OP doesn't sound shocked by content.

I have 28,000 unanswered emails on my gmail (mainly Freecycle, I can't easily unsubscribe as Yahoo won't recognise me, long story). Sounds like an awful lot but it's just built up over time.

I reckon the OP's DH should be allowed to have his own personal space, and the OP's attitude is great.

Missingfriendsandsad · 30/12/2011 05:38

If you go into a newsagent you'll see that there are probably a good 100 or so porn mags out there in common regular use in the UK, probably with about 5 women in each (1000 women) with probably between 5 and 10 images of each woman. (5000 - 10000 images per month). Add all the lads mags, tabloids and other images of women, I bet there is more than 20,000 images of nude or near nude women in your average newsagent.

lifechanger · 30/12/2011 09:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HairyNigel · 30/12/2011 09:07

Urgh, just read this. Do you not feel a bit...sidelined maybe by the fact he has that many naked women on his computer? I can understand maybe having a few but that is just ridiculous.

Personally if I found dp had all that I would be running for the hills, it's just weird

JosieZ · 30/12/2011 09:08

We got a digital night camera for xmas we set it outside to catch night-time prowlers and next day it had 6,000 pics of waving winter sprouting broccolli leaves (windy night).

13 thousand could be a handful of downloads or a couple of cds or memory sticks I think.

HairyNigel · 30/12/2011 09:16

Just looking back a few pages, I'm Shock that not many people think this is weird. I don't mind a bit of porn and have no problem with dp watching it occasionally but to have 13 thousand pictures stored in that much order is frankly disturbing. What else does he have hidden ( if he has the time?!)

marcopront · 30/12/2011 09:45

For those of you who are saying a few pictures is OK but 13 000 is too much. How many is OK?

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