to ask dog owners to keep their "friendly" dog away from my toddler?

[CultureMix]

Happened again today, we were out for a walk with my two boys (2 and 4), when a big dog bounded along, with the owner miles behind, and charged right up to the boys. Not in an aggressive manner, more just curious, but had DS2 leaping into my arms screaming in fright and DS1 clinging onto my legs.

The owner called out from a distance "oh he's friendly it's alright". No it's not alright, you can tell my two kids are scared, the little one is hollering in terror. Come and get your mutt away right now... grrr.

I'm not against the right of anyone to walk their dogs nor even saying they should be on a lead (this was a local park so perfectly ok to let dogs run). And yes my boys haven't grown up used to dogs as we don't have one at home. But when it's obvious the dog is scaring the children, don't just laugh it off and make no effort to a) fetch the dog asap -that means run not stroll- and b) apologise. How would you like it if a huge creature the (relative) size of a donkey came galloping up to you looking like you'd make a tasty snack?

It's the "he's friendly' that drives me crazy, like that excuses anything and should of course reassure the children, or indeed guarantee that nothing will happen....

Fenton...Fenton....Fenton....Fenton.. Jesus Christ, Fenton....

Well something like the dazer would incite a fight or flight instinct in the dog, many would chose flight, but there are some that would not. Let's hope you don't meet one of the latter one day, eh?

And yes they should be banned, as should shock collars, prong collars, choke chains and retractable leads. Unfortunately they are not. It is legal to cause your dog or your neighbours distress and pain so long as it is with the intention of training or preventing unwanted behaviours.

Ivy the dazer is an aversive method of training so therefore all the links will apply.

I will try and find you the campaigning links for banning of the Dazer but off to an agility class in a minute - will look when I come back.

There are a lot of scared children these days, though.

My dog adores children. She is only little, and certainly not aggressive and beautifully behaved. On a couple of occasions, she has sniffed near a child who has screamed and ran and since my dog was only really a puppy, she thought he was playing with her.

I'm so sorry - I was U - but I thought "wimp!"

I love dogs but having one is not an option for us.

My dd developed an extreme fear of dogs based on large ones coming bounding up to her - her fear was so extreme that it rubbed off on ds, who also developed a deep fear.

Walking to school was a bloody nightmare - owners let their dogs run off the lead in areas where they are supposed to be on a lead (according to the signs). We were fortunate enough to have someone with a very old dog take alot of time to help dd realise that dogs were maybe ok. Five years on and lots of very gentle introductions to dogs, dd now loves them really wants one of her own but is still very, very nervous and runs to me when a dog goes near her - reassuring noises about the dog being friendly from an owner do not help her, I just feel annoyed that they can't keep their bloody dog under control.

You see I'm sorry but that is where I disagree seasons - I am not saying your DD is wrong to feel as she does but assuming a dog isn't hurting anyone and is just doing it's doggy thing, so to speak, why should my dog have to be on a lead on the off chance we bump into someone who is scared?

If we were out for a walk and my dog was having a little run and I saw she had frightened someone I would say something about the dog being OK. I'm not being horrible as I have a couple of irrational fears myself but I can't expect the world to stop because of them.

I wanted to add my story about my 15 mo DD

She is really keen on dogs and her first couple of words were "woof woof". Probably because she might have made woof sounds absolutely we taught her there a doggy says woof woof.

Anyway, she actually only met a dog for the first time on Christmas day there. She loves anything doggy. We don't have a dog but she's not scared and extremely fond of them.

So I reckon its bollocks non dog owners need to own a dog to help their children overcome a fear of them.

I don't think YABU OP. If I was a dog owner and my dog happened to scare a child, I'd be upset and keep the bugger under control.

That applies to everyone really. Alot of folk wouldn't appreciate a big mutt all up in their face

I said "owners let their dogs run off the lead in areas where they are supposed to be on a lead (according to the signs)."

TeapotsInJune said "why should my dog have to be on a lead on the off chance we bump into someone who is scared?"

Because the signs on the lamp post suggest that all dogs should be on a lead at all times or face a fine! Are you suggesting that as a dog owner you shouldn't have to obey the law?

Dazer is designed to be upsetting to dogs thus causing them distress after exposure. That is what it says on the tin ivy. I hope it is clear. It causes maximum distress at short distances, but still at 10-15 m dogs get affected, especially the sensitive types whilst the humans around it cannot hear it. Any dog in the proximity of this tool is affected and if it is on the lead it cannot escape.

Dad used to take me on walks in the countryside when I was young, and I remember I was about five and he got attacked and bitten by a dog (owners left the gate open; dog was territorial). From that day onwards I was terrified of dogs. I've had to work quite hard to understand why something the size of me, barking and leaping towards my face was a good/neutral thing. He always promised he would hoist me onto his shoulders and keep dogs away from me, and he showed me the firm, shouted "NO. Go HOME," which always worked too.

If you have care of something which can injure other people, it's your duty to look after it and make sure it doesn't.

*You see I'm sorry but that is where I disagree seasons - I am not saying your DD is wrong to feel as she does but assuming a dog isn't hurting anyone and is just doing it's doggy thing, so to speak, why should my dog have to be on a lead on the off chance we bump into someone who is scared?

If we were out for a walk and my dog was having a little run and I saw she had frightened someone I would say something about the dog being OK. I'm not being horrible as I have a couple of irrational fears myself but I can't expect the world to stop because of them.*

Why do dog owners think them saying soothing words that dogs won't hurt should be an acceptable response to an obviously scared child.

My youngest, now 8, went to a childminder who had a dog - and she was fine with him. However when she was 2/3 we were walking in local park (off to feed the ducks) when a huge dog bounded up to her and "stood up" and put his muddy paws on her shoulders - almost knocking her over and with its face in hers - she was not surprisingly scared, the owners thought it was very funny and made no attempt to control dog . So now if she is in the park and sees a loose dog running towards her she tends to get a bit anxious (not hugely scared) but will hold my hand and look for reassurance, some owners will notice and call their dogs away from her but others just laugh and give a cheery "they won't hurt you" - well physically maybe not.....

'Terrible shame' insomnia11? I think that's a slight over-reaction. We are talking about dogs here not all pets in general.

I don't get why it's so important for children to get used to dogs. Some children are scared of them. Some adults have fears that they live with. Two of my children are wary of dogs but I don't see it as a big problem or one I should be dealing with. As long as dog-owners are responsible and take them off the lead where appropriate I don't see a problem.

I try and put myself in the position of dog owners (I'm not one) - if I had a dog with poor recall skills, I wouldn't allow them off the lead around other people/dogs, and if my dog approached children who were obviously scared I would call the dog away - it's called being considerate!

To people who cannot get to grips with children who are scared of dogs - next time a strange dog approaches you or runs at you - sit or kneel on the floor - the world looks very different when you are 3ft-nothing tall and dogs are a little more alarming when their mouths are level with your face. At the end of the day, sometimes our DCs develop fears of things that seem so harmless to us, but that's because they see the world through their own eyes rather than ours - it doesn't mean that we're doing anything wrong!

OP - YANBU

This is my first post to the thread. I would echo what others have said about the fact that it should be obvious why a big dog running at a child would be frightened. The dog should have been leashed. It's a no-brainer.

In general, I don't mind dogs but if I don't know the animal personally then I couldn't care less if it was a yorkie or a rottie- keep it the Hell away from my kids. Why should I trust a stranger's word that their dog is no danger and is a 'big softie?''

Our kids interact well with dogs belonging to family and friends and I'm fine with that because I know these animals' idiosyncrasies and have taught the kids how to behave around them accordingly.

YANBU!! large dogs that are bigger than small children, would i think be intimidating for most children. Similar incident with my daughter except the German shepherd tried to lick her. imagine those teeth coming at you. She is now very wary. We don't have dogs as I am allergic butmnit frightened, but don't like big dogs bounding over to young children. They may be your pet but please keep the, under control. Unfortunately while most dog owners are responsible not all are. :(

*why the child would be scared, not the dog

Because the signs on the lamp post suggest that all dogs should be on a lead at all times or face a fine! Are you suggesting that as a dog owner you shouldn't have to obey the law?

Either there is a lot of illiteracy among dog owners or they think the law doesn't apply to their dog, because walking round our local lake there are usually more dogs off the lead than on.The signs are there to protect wildlife as well as humans.

don't take your kids to a place where there are dogs of the lead? what, a park? are you serious?! of course kids have more right to play in a park.

OP, you could be me. This drives me NUTS and has happened about 3 times in the past year. My poor wee girls (now 3 and 5) are not used to dogs and not surprisingly are terrified having had (quite possibly v friendly) dogs bounding into them and knocking them over.

also, just remembered another bad experience from a few years ago (again, at a park ): border collie ran up to DS (who was about 3 at the time), barking as it ran. i picked DS up as it really didn't look like it was going to stop. the dog then started running in circles around us, jumping up at DS and trying to 'get' at him past my arms. the owner then came strolling down the hill, LAUGHING and saying "oh calm down, he's just playing". i was so angry! told her exactly what i thought.

thing is I have never seen anyone come on these threads and say yabu, everybody agrees dogs should be under control, my dogs are under control, I have very rarely come across dogs that are not under control, but then everybody piles in about all dog owners being selfish and useless and dogs being evil etc, the dog owners get defensive, the dog haters get defensive, then it dies down, until a week later the exact same thing starts all over again.
we all share the world, we all share the parks, dogs are allowed to be excercised, if there are on lead rules they should be on leads, people are allowed to have pet dogs for whatever reason they choose, people are scared of dogs, people are sscared of spiders. I am glad that I have never met any of the people on these threads on my usually lovely walks.

Well said dita.

Our dog is huge. He's a retired racer, so he goes at a fair clip. His recall is 'in training' non existent so he's always on the lead when we're out in public spaces. I hold him right back around children we don't know. He would never hurt them - he doesn't jump up or anything, just give them a little sniff - but it is scary to have a massive black dog, taller than you right in your face.

YY dita