To give a lot of what my dc received for christmas away to charity?

[Barbielovesken]

We have been blessed with a large, kind and generous family (on both sides) who adore our dc and who continuously choose to spoil them rotten at Christmas.

I am extremely grateful for this and got a bit teary eyed at how lucky our dc are when I looked at the amount of presents under the tree this Christmas eve.

This year is our first as a family of 5 as dc 3 is only 6 months so despite always receiving so much, this year really rang through as the volume of presents for 3 was staggering.

To put into perspective, I'd roughly estimate that each child had received 25 presents (not including Santa coming who brought "big" ones). I'm not talking small presents either - whole farm sets with barns and tractors and figures, baby alive dolls (2!!!), laptop (worth €70 as I bought one for dd last year).

I genuinely don't mean this to sound boastful and hope it doesn't come across this way but am trying to paint a true picture. I sat in our sitting room yesterday morn and couldn't see the floor and despite being so appreciative of our families kindness couldn't help but think the whole thing was vulgar, over the top and insane particularly considering how much other children have gone without this year due to the recession etc.

So I bagged about 17 unopened (boxed) toys and hid them in the wardrobe with the intention of giving them to charity/ next years toy appeals. My children have yet to notice as they have so much they don't know where to look or what to play with tight now.

I've had a massive argument with my mil this afternoon when dh (stupidly) told her this and she has stayed that I'm cruel and nasty and ungrateful that I've taken my dc's presents away.

I take her point that other people have kindly bought these things for my dc but she says I have no right to give them away because of this - AIBU?

My oldest (6) understands that others aren't as lucky as she is and happily donated new toys before Xmas so I can't see it being a problem.

If you had asked me not to buy then no I suppose it wouldn't but I would warn people next year that anything they buy will be going to charity if its not x y or z.

But then I wouldn't buy them if you asked me not to cos I can barely afford to buy them in the first place.

I would think this is a lovely idea, but can understand the upset.
We give each of our girls a box, every so often and ask them to fill with toys they longer want/need and donate them. They are food toys and means dds get the full impact of giving, rather than me taking. Could you do that?

vicaria believe me, I've genuinely tried. Mil in particular just rolls her eyes. People are just being kind and I get that butmost seem oblivious to what's going on at the minute.

The only one who has sense is my cousin - shes worth absolute millions and buts crayons for my dc each year ( which they love btw) and then gets vaccinations for newborn babies in third world countries, chickens, cows etc and gives me the card stating so.

She knows dh and I can provide enough for Xmas morning and just makes sure our dc knows she's thought of them which is truly lovely

Thanks again for the input folks. Lisa we do that (the shoe boxes I think you mean?) dd1 loves it.

No I mean massive boxes! They too are spoilt and have plently of toys to share!

Hmm well, I'd be a little upset if I gave someone a present and they gave it away - but on the other hand, if they asked me not to buy, and I did anyway, how can I possibly complain? (In fact if they asked me not to buy, I'd be thrilled, but then I am Scottish.)

Save them up for next year and donate them to a woman's shelter/refuge. Any more eye-rolling and tell them that you did say not to buy and that any other surplus gifts will be going the same way for the rest of their childhood.

Thanks for starting this discussion, I agree with Cromwell, we had our first baby July just gone, (naive fist time parents etc!!!) and I'd asked family to not go mad, even offered gift ideas when asked of things like books, wooden puzzles etc, all my side of family adhered to this, my mil and fil arrived on Christmas day with two boxes larger than the baby and a bear, also bigger than the baby, we have just bought a new house and firstly don't have the space for similar toys twice (SIL has bought wooden walker with bricks, pil have bought vtech plastic one claiming they are very different) and also I really don't want a spoiled child now or in future years, luckily Most bought thoughtful and sensible presents and in some cases 'topped up' his gift with a cheque for his account, one encouraged us to use to go on holiday next summer. I also have a bit of an issue with too many noisy toys with lights and batteries, especially as the happiest time for our baby on Christmas day was when my husband and I sung him 5 little monkeys using an inexpensive hand puppet he had in his stocking!
I don't think you are being at all unreasonable, the challenge for me is how to address this now, as clearly I've offended mil, but equally don't believe it's right to have a house full of toys that won't be used when other families are not so fortunate. Any tips gratefully received?

Couldn't you do a list instead of being inundated with loads of stuff?
Membership to soft play/zoo etc or for your younger dc, someone to pay for a class like Jo jingles or baby sensory etc?
Or ask for clothes or vouchers for whatever shop you buy their stuff from?
I personally would be if I spent £70 on a laptop for your child and you gave it away because they already have it. Why not tell them & let them get their money back?
Swap it for something else or explain they really don't need anything...

OP I would do the same as you - probably keep one nice thing from each relative so that if they ask the dc if they liked the present the dcs can truthfully say yes, and get rid of the rest. Your dcs don't need all that stuff, they will be much happier with a few well-chosen toys.

If you've asked your family not to give so much and they continue to ignore you, there's nothing you can do. Give the extra away and don't tell them.

I am forever grateful that we live overseas and can avoid this problem. When we used to go to my parents for Christmas they used to give us a heap of big presents that we couldn't carry back on the plane. Eventually I told them that if they gave the dcs large toys, we would leave them there, and we did (gifts not dcs!). They have now got the message. Now we live too far away to visit at Christmas so I buy something for the dcs from the grandparents - works perfectly! (for me....). This year I bought dd1 a computer game for the PC, ds some lego and dd2 a puzzle, and they were happy. They also got a couple of presents from Santa plus stocking and were delighted with these.

I totally get where you are coming from - in the past when they have received way too much I felt almost sick with the excess of it all. Don't let them bully you into accepting all these unneccesary gifts OP!

I agree with Cromwell too. My dc got a lot of pressies this year but nothing in the region of what yours have received. DS has not even finished opening all his yet and thankfully he does not have as much a material take on pressies like I know dc of friends do. When I gift pressies I don't really care much about what the child or parent decides to do with it. Once it's been given there shouldn't be an attachment to it. In all honesty I do often forget what I give people so its never a problem of parents regift
When DS opened a couple of pressies he was disappointed and actually said he didn't like them.
My PIL are classic examples of people who do not listen or care about how parents feel about presents/toys. They always bring us huge waste of space toys which,on most occasions, DS has something similar already. DH has asked them lots of times to open a trust fund/bank account and put money in there instead. DS is 4 and every year for bday and Xmas PIL ignore our request. This year we have double the amount of space-consuming toys now we have another DC.
People should have a look at the true tradition of boxing day (not just for the purposes of a BH or sales). In your situation, OP, I would ignore MIL comments but give your children the opportunity to honestly tell you what they would not play with/use out of their huge piles. Then put these away letting them know what you intend to do with them. This not only teaches them about charity and giving but also not to think materialistically about things in life.

I'll now await my flaming from others!

YANBU in the sense that it isn't really their business. Once a gift is given, what happens with it afterwards is nobody else's business.

I think YABU though in thinking the children won't, at some point have any enjoyment out of the gifts. Even if they're not playing with them right now, a month or 2 down the line you could give them a gift or 2 and I'm sure they'll love it. My DS (2.1) had 42 presents this year and every single one he's managed to play with already. There's nothing he doesn't like and not one present he didn't get excited over when he opened it.

Of course, if I took something away, no he wouldn't notice. But, he does notice, play with and enjoy it if it's there.

We give all his toys, when he's finished playing with them to the Local Authority who use them for contact centres and give to children in care etc so I know they'll all have their uses long after he's had some pleasure out of them.

OP AND MrsRed I totally hear where you are coming from, the only problem OP was DH telling hims Mum! I would so what others have suggested and give the toys away in a bit - end of Jan? Let MIL see them with the toys, then hopefully she will forget the giving away by then.

We have a 10 week old and since she was born I have been having to give away bits of crap to charity. It annoys me because I have made it clear to my side of the Family (PIL have listened) but my Mum and Gran seen to have lost the plot. So far I have swapped:-
Age 12 month Halloween slippers for babygrows
Age 12 month hideous Halloween t-shirt for babygrows
6-9 months "1st Christmas" baby socks - going to charity as I cannot tell where they are from (PFB is only 10 weeks!)
Other stuff is either swapped for something she will actually wear or given to the charity shop. Next year might suggest soft play vouchers etc as that sounds a good idea.

If you want to give away some of the toys that your children got for christmas - bag up the ones you got them and give those away. It is very rude to give away gifts that other people got for your children. I am glad your later posts suggest that you are not going to do that after all.

Like I say - give away what you bought them, if you really want to give some of their gifts away.

Otherwise, bag up two thirds of their presents and put them in the loft. If you rotate the toys that are out every three months, then they'll always have stuff to play with that they haven't seen in a while.

And the things will stay in far better condition.

And on the run up to next christmas, you can have a massive clear out of the toys and give them to charity and they'll be in much better condition than if they'd all been played with all year, iyswim.

We always have a massive clear out just before birthdays and Christmas, which them makes more room for the assorted stuff they accrue at that time.

The only light at the end of the tunnel is as they get older, the physical size of the presents reduce somewhat.

Can't you let them have the toys for now, surely young kids grow out of toys fairly quickly, and then you can give them away if they're still in decent condition? Yes you do have the 'right' to give them away any time you want, but that doesn't mean it isn't rude.

Is this a storage issue, or a moral one? If the former, can the relatives keep some of the stuff at their house, for when the children come to visit (assuming they do)?

Yanbu. I've cleared out a lot of toys when the edc's have received too many gifts. The sad thing is that it's XP's family who buy them large gifts and we have no where to store them.

Just get rid of the excess toys.

Might be best to speak on a level with your relatives - about present giving. People don't have a lot of spare money these days and maybe the subject could be broached and reviewed.

My Dad, his siblings and his Dad's siblings (when they were children) used to all have every one of their Christmas presents taken away on December the 28th and given to poor local children. I think that's a bit over the top, but your plan makes sense to me.

For my daughter's birthday, I asked for donations to Save the Children but only 3 people listened! So far (she's only 15 months) I've bought her one present, which was this Christmas. I know she'll get presents from other people, she doesn't understand what's going on and I have absolutely no money. Maybe you could cut down your own present buying to lighten the load a bit.

YANBU

If somebody chose to give a gift I'd given away I'd be fine with it. The child probably doesn't appreciate it so why not give it to some one needy? I'm giving one of the toys I bought DS away (a music set, my sister bought him a similar but much better one) and there are some other gifts I was thinking about donating but haven't for the reasons others have stated,

He's 9 months, was massively overwhElmed with everything christmas day and wouldn't really give a toss what I gave away. As long as it wasn't the bit of wrapping paper he's fallen in love with. [Hmm]

I agree you can't give away what others have given to your dc, its their presents. Could you not just put them away for later for a few months, when they get bored with the other gifts, or they have gotten broken.

I agree you can't just give the presents away without your children even getting a chance to enjoy them!

There are ways around this if you really think it is excessive, as other posters have suggested, I would;
Have a clear out of old/outgrown toys to give to charity;
Put a load of the gifts aside in wardrobe/attic whatever and rotate gifts every month or so (this also means that the toys will still be in pretty good condition when you do decide to give them to charity)
If you really want to give things away brand new, select the things you bought as you are the one who doesn't mind giving stuff away.

I do think your heart is in the right place, as you know giving away brand new things will be more valuable to the charities but it would be really rude to do this to your family who obviously love your children!

Still don't understand why the subject would be by-passed with those who are spending the money.

You want to take your children's gifts away ?
That's horrible.

I understand you want to help less fortunate people , but with your own kids belongings ? .

The gifts were given to them , not you . Give your own stuff away instead if you feel that strongly. I'd count it as stealing from your children.

My mother would take my belongings and give them away when I was a child ... I never forgave her . Nothing was safe , gifts even things I had paid for by myself. It was all to do with her need to " look good " infront of others .

Seriously , she has issues.

Don't do it op .