Xmas presents I am not happy and feeling like a child...

[sassyminder]

There was 2 couples and a single women at our home for Xmas, all from my usband family ( mother and father in law, brother in law with girlfriend and sister in law) and I made sure I bougtht them all of them gifts on behalf of me, my husband and dd.
For the lady's one hand made to order ( very pretty and one of a kind) handbag each, one expensive umbrella each and one L'occitane en provence set of 3 hand cream each. For the gentlemen I bouth 1 pringle of Scotland Polo Shirt, for FIL, Diesel Laptop Bag for BIL and Animal manbag for DH + L'occitane en Provence after shave for all of men.
Here is what I get:
2 primark pyjama bottoms from BIL and girlfriend (one is XXL and other is S, I am size 8 so only one is good)
1 hideous hat from SIL
1 bodycream from poundland from In Laws.

They really took the piss this year!
My husband and daughter got nice things obviously.
it is not all about presents, but it hurts see they give each other nice stuff and do this to me, I would rather them tell me what the fuck the problem is they have with me and give me absolutely nothing!!!
Next year I am going all the way to spend Xmas with my own family fuck them.
My DD is the only child in the family so they will be sad and alone.

And they won't have my hospitality ( yes I always host spending on food, drinks, eletricity and so on) even tough we work full time until the 23rd (hubby until 24th) and boxing day.

I don't blame my DH, he always waits for his bonus after new year to buy me nice presents, and this year I am getting an Iphone and Apple laptop.

Bitches.

Hi ZZZ, I think that what you said above could be possible...BIL and girlfriend are students after all and being in their family I know thay have a lot to buy for as the adults care more about gifts than the only child in the family - my DD - (who cares more about the nativity story than Santa tbh). I am the sort of person who wears PJ's bottoms with random tops and I dont mind Primark, I still buy there sometimes and used to buy a lot more when I was worse off. When DD was born I stopped working and DH was not doing so well so anything we had for her was either second hand or primark. Receivinh a XXL piece of clothing when you are obviously a size S is shocking but I put this down to a mistake. And about the hat - maybe SIL just got it wrong I did it too is past years. Maybe they just gave me token stuff for the obvious fact that me being me (blunt and honest) always said (when they ask me to talk about Xmas in my Brazilian family) how we don't care about gifts for adults or wasting money on people who have everything and we much rather do charity, not only money wise but spending physical time doing nice things for poorer people instead of spending the whole day watching TV.
And this is one of the reasons I like to host Xmas. They can sit down in front of TV and watch it as much as they possibly can, while I do get things done and faff around. When I want to relax I go read a book, magazine, newspapaer or call my family. If I go to theirs, I loose my bedroom, privacy and freedom to, and I won't go there to do everything for them iykwim.
Anyway what hurt me was the poundland bodycream from my in laws, I know they could at least buy from somewhere else (eg: boots??) I have received Dove stuff from them before and did not feel insulted.
And yes they can afford.
And we were paying them instalments to pay off our debts with them and she wrote me a long email on beggining of december asking if I could possibly pay the december instalment earlier ( I usually pay on the 20th) as she was organizing for Xmas (not that she needed this money FOR SURE, unless they are hidding something from us) and I decided just to pay off the whole debit and made a transfer of £1430 on the beggining of December which made her gobsmacked and grateful.
So to give me a poundland thingy was to hurtful, again not for the money but the gesture.
Nevertheless, I am really happy I got my presents right this year, as I got it wrong previous years and probably hurt people whiotut it being intentional and hope they enjoy it.
I am glad I am not Xmas shopping for 2012.

I think that a lot of people on here are finding it difficult to get their head around because of the way the original post is worded.

Basically what has happened is: the OP has gone out of her way to purchase gifts that she knows they will all love and cherish. Her DP and DD have been bought absolutely wonderful things that have the same thought and care put into them.

The OP was subsequently given shit that looks like it had been bought as an afterthought, one item of which she can't even use.

If you were sitting at home and your PIL's came in and went "Here you go, little'un! An iPad! Here you are son, just what you wanted - an XBOX game and a bottle of whiskey! And here you are, DIL, some teabags, cheese and a 99p facemask because even though you don't drink tea and you're lactose intolerant, it's the thought that counts!"

I'd be absolutely furious if I were you, and would have said something. You gifts to them may not be conditional upon what they give you but it certainly is conditional upon how they treat you! You don't go out of your way to give gifts to people you fucking hate can't stand, so why should they expect gifts on the premise of "But we're family! You HAVE to!".

If they treat you like this on a regular basis then I don't think they deserve such a thoughtful daughter-in-law.

but what could you say to them? After all the effort of cooking and hosting the celebrations, seriously how could she have worded it? It would be difficult to do

"Excuse me, I'm terribly sorry but it seems as though there's been a mistake. You appear to have confused my actual presents with the presents of someone you don;t like very much. And obviously I don't want you going and giving my wonderful present (that must surely be back at your home) to someone you don't approve of, as it would give very much the wrong impression. Everyone is human, I just thought I'd let you know of your mistake!"

Then again I'm an incredibly snide, sarcastic and passive-aggressive bitch when someone fucks me off. But essentially: ^ that's what she could have said ^.

Thanks twelve that is waht I would have said if my english was fluent enough, if I was well spoken enough and if I wasn't too shocked by it all.
TBH when we were cleaning out together this morning MIL saw a bit of wrapping paper under the sofa and said: Oh Look an unopen present!! anf for few seconds I thought: it is mine! finally my nice xmas present!!
But it turned out to be only a piece of wraping paper LOL
Nevermind. My clients gave me nice stuff and Me (I mean DH) will get my things after bonus so all good.
Just really needed to check if I have being unreasonable for being shocked by my xmas gifts.

i really feel for you,xxx
like i said earlier if they had to cook there own xmas meals it would have cost them lots,you put the food on the table and cooked it,and waited on them,you deserve a nice gift after that!
enjoy you ifone and ipad when you get it,xxxxxxxxxx

Don't know about anyone else but I'm finding the image of a group of adults getting excited over the pile of presents under the tree unbelievably repulsive.

It does sound as if either they've taken you at your word and think you'd rather not receive anything extravagant, or they're trying to pay you back somehow for the times in the past when you got it wrong.
I think your best-placed to decide which is the case.

Whatever the reason, it sounds like a horrible Christmas and I'd hate to be regularly putting myself out for people like that - in fact, I'd hate it even once let alone every year! Couldn't you say you're going out for lunch next Christmas, and anyone who wants to come is welcome? At least then no one can accuse you of being unfriendly - just say it's too tiring doing all the cooking and shopping when you work long hours.

Out of interest, how did they react to your presents?

OP, yanbu

they sound like horrid people, and I really feel sorry for you.

what you give them, and what your DH buys for you with his bonus is actually totally irrelevant here.

the fact is they have put thought into what they've bought each other, your husband and your daughter, and they've gone out of their way to buy you really shitty stuff.. i can only assume because they dislike you for some reason.

nasty. really nasty.

those aren't the presents of people who are a bit strapped for cash and aren't sure what to get. I was strapped for cash this christmas, but I still tried to make/get things that looked nice and I thought people would appreciate.
a cream from poundland??? FFS.

I would TOTALLY pay to go to Brazil next year if I were you, even if it means taking your daiughter out of school for a week or so to make it a longer break.

and if they genuinely thought that you wouldn't like anything they could have said "OP, we know you don't like getting gifts, so we've just put our money together and sponsored you a child/got a goat for someone in Africa/etc etc"

they seem to have actually made an effort to get ridiculous presents that send a very clear message... you aren't worth anything. not time, not money, nothing

Tricky... I can see how they have possibly intended these gifts as a bit of a snub to you and why you are hurt. On the other, if you owe people quite a lot money such that you are paying in instalments, it's perhaps surprising that you are spending a lot on expensive gifts? or have I misunderstood? Could there be more to this and they think you are living beyond your means?

WhatsWrongWithYule _ i think it is a mixture, they are very very shalow people so they can't understand WHY I dont feel excited as they do with so many presents under the tree amd they probably feel I am looking donw on them when I say that in my family we dont make the presents to be a big deal and Christmas is about celebrating Jesus and reflecting on how to make things better for the following year.
I do think they gossiped about me behind my back and group together to give me "shity" things to make a point (whatever point it is) but it backfired on them because they were embarassed I think when the whole exchanching present thing was over and they talked about all other presents they got from themselves but not about the ones they got from me....or maybe it was part of the plan???
A part from SIL who clearly LOVED her handbag and other stuff and wasn't afraid of admiring them, so I think she knew I wouldn't like her to spend a fortune on me and go me that hat. I like hats and she was right on the style but unfortunetely not on the colour, so I think it was a genuine mistake.
As for BIL he loved the gifts they got for me and girlfriend was a bit embarassed and i didn't hear any special comments, but she was thankful. Again I dont mind PJ's bottoms and it is a shame one of them won't fit on me.
As for InLaws they put thier gifts to a side or under the sofa and hasn't talked about them at all.
I like them all specially SIL and BIL but I just have to keep remind myself that we are all too different and from different cultures, I am living here and they love my DD, my DD loves them so I have to put up I think.
If I dont go to Brzil next year I will let them Know that DH is Xmas shopping and they can all donate to NSPCC on my behalf.

I agree. If you were so in debt that they had lent you money which you paid in installments, I would be if you then immediately spent a fortune on extravagant gifts.

Sassy, in must confess you do sound like you look down on them and seem to spend a great deal of time telling them how differently you do things. That could be cloning across wrong.

again... irrelevant.

they had no idea what she was planning for presents i presume, until they opened them

from what OP has said they were lent the money when they really needed it, and now have been able to pay the sum off and are better off money-wise...

so no issue

They lent us some money when my DD was born in 2007. Only in 2010 I started paying stalments of at leats £10 a month or more when I could. I had some months gap beteween last years and this year but it was my plan pay everything before New Year anyway. I would probably finishing paying by the end of December, but when she asked me for it I just thought I would pay off as I had a very good year business wise, my Xmas shopping was done and I had savings sitting on my account.
Maybe because I am not a native speaker obiously I can'r express myself perfectly and when i talk about what we do for Xmas in my own family it could sound I am looking down on them, but it is most probably they feel this way as I just tell what we do, answering their question, I never say our Xmas back home is better, I just say how we do it.
So if the feel bd about the way they celebrate it is not my problem.

'.. When they talked about the presents they got..'
See, in my family, on the rare occasions we're together and presents between adults are exchanged, the bloody things aren 't discussed afterwards!
It's such a cliche, but 'it's for the kids' applies, and everyone is politely thankful for whatever crap they've been given, then nothing more is said.
And we're not religious, either - we just no longer expect other adults to make a fuss and effort over us now that we're adults.the sound like a spoiled, princessy lot, OP - and you are superior to them. It might help you to bear this in mind in future .

For the lady's [sic] one hand made to order ( very pretty and one of a kind) handbag each, one expensive umbrella each and one L'occitane en provence set of 3 hand cream each. For the gentlemen I bouth 1 pringle of Scotland Polo Shirt, for FIL, Diesel Laptop Bag for BIL and Animal manbag for DH + L'occitane en Provence after shave for all of men.

AND

I don't blame my DH, he always waits for his bonus after new year to buy me nice presents, and this year I am getting an Iphone and Apple laptop

You come across as avaricious and label-obsessed in this post, bragging about your material wealth and perceived good taste. If I had to buy for you, the £1 chocolates would be chocolate laxatives.

oh no, overhere they do say: look it is from d-i-e-s-e-l or look at my k-i-n-d-l-e, how smart.
and beacuse I am not used to this kind of thing I probably pissed them off big time previous years getting it wrong they probably thought I was doing on purpose and it was clear they werent happy that is why this year I made an extra effort just to make it a happy ocasion. They used do sulk at xmas when they dont like the presents and I used to feel terrible bad coz even though I got it wrong I never gave them poundland stuff.
I will write Xmas cards for all of them next year saying I am not expecting anything nor giving anything and all the money will go to charity instead. They can do the same if they want to send anything "on me".... regarding DD and DH it is not my problem and they can do what they want.

They like their brands that is why I made sure I got them those stuff.
My old laptop is falling into pieces and I once years ago had an apple laptop, so now I want another one as it is good for my work and will last longer than other brands. As for iphone I never liked them, but with an Iphone I can talk to my family via video call skype anytime anywhere, so there you go.

just chalk it up to experience, and dont make the same mistakes again next year, op. no good whining over this year though. Just make xmas cheap and cheerful next year. No big gestures. sorted!

OP it does sound like you tried very hard to please people who have actually made you feel like an outsider in the past. Maybe they sense your insecurity here and, like bullies, think it's acceptable to behave like this towards you. Of course it is not.

You did spend/give too much to try to please but never again. The amount of money you spent would be much better put towards a trip to Brazil

no, not insecurity at all, I just had a bit more money this year ad wanted to make up from previous years when doing shopping was harder but I still bought with love een though spent less.
Also I didn't want to have the feeling I bought wrong things again nor seeing sulking faces but nothing to do with insecurity.

How about this:
I own a very unusual handbag that was very cheap when I bought it over 8 years ago but is in perfect condition and MIL absolutely LOVES it, she always asks me to give it to her and says it would be the best present EVER.
I got bored of the bag and thought about giving it to her for Xmas but didnt want to give her a second hand thing so now I am thinking about give it to her on her B'day.
how about if I wrap the unused poundland cream and put inside the bag as part of the gift
Would that be nice??? :O

Out of interest, how do you know the handcream is from Poundland? As far as I am aware, they don't do own brand stuff do they?

The hand cream is not from any recognizable brand or maker and just have that look/smell/style of poundland or 99p stores to it.
I know their products as I used to go there a lot and still do sometimes.
I know they also sell other more popular brands and as I said I had Dove staff given to me before (along with more nicer things) and poundland sells Doe too, so I just think they wanted to put some point across in the lines:

"if you think we are silly and shallow because we are all excited and expect a lot about our xmas presents and you are better than that, so stick this cheap shitty £1 thingy up your ass...we just gave you this so your DD wouldnt think we are mean people...""

See, usually my DD gives out all the presents to everybody.
And Grandad has to be the first one because he gets to anxious if everyone is opening presents and he isn't.

Ridiculous really.