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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Xmas presents I am not happy and feeling like a child...

281 replies

sassyminder · 26/12/2011 17:29

There was 2 couples and a single women at our home for Xmas, all from my usband family ( mother and father in law, brother in law with girlfriend and sister in law) and I made sure I bougtht them all of them gifts on behalf of me, my husband and dd.
For the lady's one hand made to order ( very pretty and one of a kind) handbag each, one expensive umbrella each and one L'occitane en provence set of 3 hand cream each. For the gentlemen I bouth 1 pringle of Scotland Polo Shirt, for FIL, Diesel Laptop Bag for BIL and Animal manbag for DH + L'occitane en Provence after shave for all of men.
Here is what I get:
2 primark pyjama bottoms from BIL and girlfriend (one is XXL and other is S, I am size 8 so only one is good)
1 hideous hat from SIL
1 bodycream from poundland from In Laws.

They really took the piss this year!
My husband and daughter got nice things obviously.
it is not all about presents, but it hurts see they give each other nice stuff and do this to me, I would rather them tell me what the fuck the problem is they have with me and give me absolutely nothing!!!
Next year I am going all the way to spend Xmas with my own family fuck them.
My DD is the only child in the family so they will be sad and alone.

And they won't have my hospitality ( yes I always host spending on food, drinks, eletricity and so on) even tough we work full time until the 23rd (hubby until 24th) and boxing day.

I don't blame my DH, he always waits for his bonus after new year to buy me nice presents, and this year I am getting an Iphone and Apple laptop.

Bitches.

OP posts:
RomanChristingle · 27/12/2011 01:01

Willy The point I was making is that the in-laws wouldn't know that the op had carefully selected their presents as the op was using this as reason that she should get the same spent on her.
If you are going to be mercenary about it as they are the only one's with a child if they got her a gift she would consider 'nice' as well as her dh and dc then other people may be spending more than her.

Original poster
sassyminder · 27/12/2011 01:13

I always give each 3 gifts, say on my behald, dd's behalf and dh behalf but on the gift tags it says from my DD.
Only this year the men had only 2, but they were really nice so I do not think the missed ou on anything.
Because the women had one unbranded gift each (which I had the feeling they could under appreciate even though it was handmade, unique and one of a kind) I bought them two other things each to kind of 'make up' for the lack of big name on the label.

Maybe I am the silliest one of all, lesson learned.
Going to buy nice things for me on Sat for sure.
Specially one L'occitane hand cream. I love it.

OP posts:
RomanChristingle · 27/12/2011 01:19

You have mentioned a few times on her op that you don't think presents are as important as the real meaning of Christmas. Do you say this to your family a lot? Maybe they thought it would be a waste to buy anything expensive and did just get you something so your dc could see you open something.
I think it is definitely a lesson learned. If you spend that kind of money on gifts 99% of the time you won't get back something that cost anywhere near the same. Next year just buy yourself some nice handcream then you wont be disappointed.

Original poster
sassyminder · 27/12/2011 01:34

this is my last post for today
as I said poundland sells more popular bands too, and this is the 4th xmas we spent together so I know their gift giving habits....giving a very shitty looking handcream from poundland was a cheeky passive agressive statament as they could have bought say dove or nivea for the same price at the same place.
Anyway I just needed to rant and get over so job done.
Not going to play their dirty game and will acrry on being myself honest and authentic and let them be two faces and fake if they want to not my problem

OP posts:
Mya2403 · 27/12/2011 02:43

My mum's in laws are the same she always goes out of her way they give her tat, earier this year my cousin got married my mum spent nearly £2000 on clothes and makeup perfumes for her didn't get even a small thank you in return. If I was you I'd give them a card each and donate to charity on their behalf.

Alligatorpie · 27/12/2011 06:11

They sound awful. I would be hurt too. Dd you dh talk to them about why they gave you such crap and him and dd nice stuff?

I wou tell them next year that you are donating to charity on their behalf and ask they do the same. It sounds like they don't appreciate your gifts anyway.

WinkyWinkola · 27/12/2011 07:59

Roman, nobody should think hand cream from poundland is a nice, thoughtful Christmas gift. It is rude. For example, a second hand book for £1 on a subject of interest is worth so so so much mire because of the thought.

"I didn't spend any thought in your gift because I didn't think you'd spend any on mine" is a pathetic argument. Why would one even begin to defend it unless one is that kind of thoughtless person oneself?

redwinegum · 27/12/2011 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smithster · 27/12/2011 08:18

it's simple really, if they really were buying you rubbish presents just to suit you, just take satisfaction from being a better person and rising above it. if you react, you're just taking the bait.

smithster · 27/12/2011 08:19

sorry, meant to say "to spite you" not "suit you"

LoveInASnowyClimate · 27/12/2011 08:24

YANBU, OP. There is nothing wrong with hoping to receive nice, thoughtful presents rather than some random tat grabbed from £land without any thought. You clearly put a lot of thought into their presents, and the fact that they bought your DH and DD nice presents shows that it isn't just that they are fundamentally hopeless at choosing things for others. I would have been hurt too.

skybluepearl · 27/12/2011 10:51

just get them a token gift next year. spend about 5 pounds per person.

Catslikehats · 27/12/2011 12:50

OP I think you have had a shockingly hard time on this thread, I'm assuming English isn't your first language and that this may account for the quite formal written english you use. That is not a dig BTW I just think perhaps some posters have mistaken your style of prose as something else.

It sounds like you have gone out of your way to buy nice gifts - which is a lovely thing to do. I would be really disappointed if I had made so much effort and received so little effort in return. Especially when you are also hosting Christmas.

Definitely go to Brazil next year I am sure you will have a fab time Smile

nicknamenotinuse · 27/12/2011 12:51

I'd just spend less on them from now on and try not to get too upset, although I don't blame you for being upset, I too would be upset by the lack of thought from your relatives.

RomanChristingle · 27/12/2011 13:56

It quite possibly is a passive aggressive statement op. If you go on about how you don't care about presents when you clearly really really do then maybe they have done it to annoy you.

WinkyWinkola · 27/12/2011 13:58

Yes. You need teaching a lesson and punishing, op. Well done your in laws for that. Hmm

RomanChristingle · 27/12/2011 17:49

So I assume Winky that if a relative of yours annoyed the hell out of you banging on about the fact that presents aren't important them (when they clearly are) seemingly having a go about the fact that you don't appreciate the 'true meaning of Christmas' and implying you are grabby Hmm you would go out and select them something with great care?

WinkyWinkola · 27/12/2011 18:27

I would think that person felt neglected definitely. And I wouldn't necessarily spend ££££s, but I would ensure that they could see any gift I got them, however small, was of interest to them.

They complain after that effort, then they can get stuffed. Grin But hand cream from poundland is two fingers up at the op. No Two ways about it

Original poster
sassyminder · 27/12/2011 19:57

The pounland cream is on the top of my dressing table in front of the mirror to remind me to give it to my MIL on her B'day in a very nice wrapping paper. Now hear the latest news from today (it is getting better and better): Dh went to the high street to check out on sales and I spent the whole day thinking he went to get a little something to cheer me up (even tough I didn't show I was so upset about the poundland shite as I promised myself I will never fight with him because of PIL specially because of Xmas) anyway he came back with take away food for us, a gift for himself, a gift for DD and for me...nothing...at first I thought he was waiting the right moment to give me something and when I couldn't wait anymore I asked him and he bought anything for me and he didn't. .... I was hurt but didn't make a big deal of it as we already agreed on the things we will buy for me after bonus and he even mentioned he got something else in mind to... So I just thought maybe I preached too much about not wanting gifts and went to have a nice shower. Than after shower I receive a call from PIL's phone and lot is DD - someone rang me for her as she can't do it herself (she is there with them until Thursday) I say hello and she says: I want to talk with daddy. So I say: don't you want to talk to me?? She says: No, daddy. I say: if you want to talk to daddy than why did you call my number? Hung up and call his number. Than MIL get the phone and says hello, I say hello and she says: oh is it you?? I say of course it is me it is my number...than she starts the small talk she and all English people love and after enough small talk she asks my DD if she wants to talk to me and DD says : no I want to talk to daddy. So MIL asks me to hand the phone over to Dh (he was right next to me) and I said: no, if you or anybody else wants to talk to him just call his number not mine. Than she says ok, hangs up and call him, he talks to her and DD and asks DD if she wants to talk to me and she keeps saying no. Than after more blablabla DD finally agrees to talk to me and I say I'm not talking to her. He is shocked and asks why and I say I won't and I don't want to because she was rude and didn't want to talk to me and all that. Now I'm well pissed off and angry and sad. I think DD probably spent the whole day listening to MIL, PIL and SIL badmouthing me over there she does not even want nothing to do with me. F*them all. If she wants to turn into a chav, uneducated, rude, two face bad mannered, untidy with bad hygiene habits person like them her problem.

OP posts:
WhatsWrongWithYule · 27/12/2011 20:00
Shock
ilovesooty · 27/12/2011 20:00

That last post sounds incredibly petty. If I felt remotely sympathetic towards you before that sympathy has just evaporated.

indyandlara · 27/12/2011 20:10

I had a lot of sympathy for you OP after your original posts. However, ^ is just bizarre. You wouldn't let your daughter speak to her Dad because she called your phone instead of his? YABVU

Ephiny · 27/12/2011 20:12

You sound very obsessed with people giving you stuff - now you're sulking because your husband didn't buy you a present he had no idea you wanted?

For someone who says she doesn't care about gifts...you certainly seem to care a lot! It's as though you only see other people, including your own husband, in terms of what you can 'get' from them. You sound like a spoilt child.

Don't see what's wrong with the Poundland cream myself. I know lots of people who shop there, and they say much of the stuff is basically the same as you get in more expensive shops, you just pay more for a different label. But from your OP, I'm guessing labels and brand names are highly important to you.

LoveInASnowyClimate · 27/12/2011 20:21

Shock at your last post, OP. Isn't your DD four? I was sympathetic over the crap presents but speaking about your DD like that is really vile.

Original poster
sassyminder · 27/12/2011 20:26

I moved on from the gifts and poundland issues and I'm not going to explain again and again why I found it offensive and why I bought label stuff for them. It is all written already. It is not that I wouldn't let my DD talk to my Dh because she called my number but we were gonna call her together anyway after my shower, it just happened she (somebody else) called me straight after I leave the bathroom and I say: hello!! How are you?! I was happy to talk to her and she just says: I want to talk to daddy. Not even hello or nothing. So phone him them if you clearly can't stand saying even hello to me.

OP posts:
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