Xmas presents I am not happy and feeling like a child...

[sassyminder]

There was 2 couples and a single women at our home for Xmas, all from my usband family ( mother and father in law, brother in law with girlfriend and sister in law) and I made sure I bougtht them all of them gifts on behalf of me, my husband and dd.
For the lady's one hand made to order ( very pretty and one of a kind) handbag each, one expensive umbrella each and one L'occitane en provence set of 3 hand cream each. For the gentlemen I bouth 1 pringle of Scotland Polo Shirt, for FIL, Diesel Laptop Bag for BIL and Animal manbag for DH + L'occitane en Provence after shave for all of men.
Here is what I get:
2 primark pyjama bottoms from BIL and girlfriend (one is XXL and other is S, I am size 8 so only one is good)
1 hideous hat from SIL
1 bodycream from poundland from In Laws.

They really took the piss this year!
My husband and daughter got nice things obviously.
it is not all about presents, but it hurts see they give each other nice stuff and do this to me, I would rather them tell me what the fuck the problem is they have with me and give me absolutely nothing!!!
Next year I am going all the way to spend Xmas with my own family fuck them.
My DD is the only child in the family so they will be sad and alone.

And they won't have my hospitality ( yes I always host spending on food, drinks, eletricity and so on) even tough we work full time until the 23rd (hubby until 24th) and boxing day.

I don't blame my DH, he always waits for his bonus after new year to buy me nice presents, and this year I am getting an Iphone and Apple laptop.

Bitches.

It's not about how much thought has been put into the presents. As a pp has said she got the women and men practically identical gifts herself!
OP if you feel short changed just spend less next year and buy yourself something nice with the money you save.

but they really show they hate me when the buy my gifts.

You equate money with love/affection.

maybe it is a bit hard not to if she is the only one singled out to receive no "nice present" as she sees it, when the others all get 1-2 expensive gifts and a pile of cheaper stuff to give volume to the piles under the tree. She is the only one who is treated differently, whether or not they mean anything by it, it is a bit strange IMO

next year couldn't you go to your ILs instead of everyone coming to your place? You say you don't drive but couldn't someone pick you up or do they all live far away from you?

I can sort of see where OP is coming from although I do think OP spent too much.
For example, my BIL always, always spends more on my DH and our children than on me. It just makes me feel as if I'm not considered part of the family. I find that quite hurtful. Yes, I'm not 'blood' but I consider myself part of the family.

I got a little upset last year when we hosted Christmas, spent money on food, drink etc etc (he stayed for about 5 days), I put a lot of thought into BIL's present and then got a book in return. I wasn't upset about the value of the book but about the fact that no thought went into it and especially that there was a clear distinction between what he must have considered 'family' and me (both in terms of thought gone into presents and value). If BIL had bought a book after putting some thought into whether I read that kind of stuff etc then it would have been lovely. It just seems that in DH's family there is a distinction between family and others that marry into the family.

There is no distinction in my family. Nobody is rich, nobody can spend a fortune on presents but some thought goes into everybody's present - there is no distinction ie spend £100 on a blood family member's present and spend less than a tenner on someone who marries in.

So from the point of view of feeling excluded from the family when it comes to thought being put into presents I can empathise. There is certainly no back story in my case - even DH has noticed and is bewildered. It just seems that some families make distinctions.

As others have said, let DH buy presents in future etc.

OP I think you have had a bit of a hard time from some other posters, by no means do you sound awful or needy, just hurt by the fact your DH's family don't seem to care much for you.

Next year I would honestly leave it all down to him to buy gifts for them. Put less effort in to them, and you won't care as much that they don't put any effort in to you!

I am the only one in the family who is a Christian and like to spend Christmas time to the real meaning

So what is the problem then?

nevertheless I liked the pyjamas bottoms from Primark unfortunetely I am obviously small and thin, so the XXL one will go to the charity shop

So take them back and exchange them then for gods sakes... Primark are notorious for having the wrong sizes on the wrong hangers. I can completely understand someone mistakenly getting 16-18 instead of 6-8 in that shop.

I think she is hurt too

My mum always buys more for me and the kids than dh and dh's mum and dad do the same. I''ve never been offended. MIL has 2 kids to buy for as well as dh and me so I think it would be cheeky for me to expect an expensive gift.

I would say you need to learn from experience and make less effort/spend less next year - at least, you will hold less resentment. That's been my mantra this year and it has worked! I've also reduced the gift list to cut out some people with whom I've exchanged token gifts for the last decade. (We're talking cousins here not siblings!) I suspect that the fact that we haven't given them reciprocal gifts will speak volumes.

Heloooooo
I didnt buy identical things, it was one handmade handbag each, different colours and sizes and styles, as they all love handbags and I wanted to give something unique to them. It was good quality too, hand made but to professional standard. To the men, I got them their favourite designer brand each (pringles, diesel and animal) I got gifts wrong in the past even though I never went to primark, poundland route, just genuine mistakes when you get cuaght up on the whole xmas shopping craziness so this year I wanted to make sure they would get something they love even if it meant more time spent in finding it and more cash (I dont regret anyway)
The L'occitane stuff were all the same but which women wouldnt like nice bidycream stuff and which men wouldn't like nice after shave??
The umbrellas were all different matching their styles so there were thought behind it.
I just think they really went too far and took the piss.
I accept they may not like me but I think it is childish they been so 2 face and feel sorry for them.
I alway label the gifts with my DD name, next year, if I am spending with them I will buy NOTHING and DH can do the job if he wants too.
Maybe they did it because I always tell them how in my family back in my country (too far away unfortunetely) we do buy only for kids and for charity specially orphans. Adults dont expect nothing and it is so different from them who just care about gifts and always write on their cards
" hope you get everything you wanted"
Sad really
I feel sorry for myself TBH, to having to put up with this kind of people.
My DD loves them. bless her, only 4 years old. she got a complete wooden dolls house, special books with her on the story, clothes, accessories, colouring stuff...so many things she was bored opening it all like always.
My DH got: CK perfume, Whisky, Bench and Puma clothes and other silly bits and pieces.

It does seem that they have put very little effort into your gifts which I understand must be hurtful, and I think you should probably hold back on what you give them in future.

However, you lost me a bit with this:

"My DD is the only child in the family so they will be sad and alone."

So only children are important at Christmas then? It is a little arrogant to believe that they can't have a great time as a family without your DD.

Well dh doesn't like aftershave and I probably wouldn't use body cream no matter how expensive it was because I have really sensitive skin that reacts to a lot of things. Poundland or l'occitane it would be headed for the charity shop.

I can kind of see why you are upset, and think you have got a bit of a hard time on here from some holier than thou posters. It means a lot to me when people buy me thoughtful gifts, and a little hurt when they don't (not money related).

However, I also think you are a bit of martyr who has gone to far too much trouble. If this has happened to you before, why go to so much effort for them again, knowing it won't be reciprocated (unless you don't mind).

It sounds like you don't like them and are looking for reasons to be pissed off. I get on well with FIL and BIL but DH is in charge of buying all of their gifts. If your DH isn't bothered about it then neither should you be.

"I always tell them how in my family back in my country (too far away unfortunetely) we do buy only for kids and for charity specially orphans. Adults dont expect nothing and it is so different from them who just care about gifts and always write on their cards
" hope you get everything you wanted"
so why on earth do you spend so much on them .

OP, why not have a year off next year and see if someone else will host? Just say you have decided you are too tired to host - it may make them think twice. I can see it is the lack of thought that has irritated you, not the money aspect. Make them some fudge for a couple of pounds next year and stick a big bow on it.

I can't go to nobody's house on xmas as i work xmas eve and boxing day and I don't drive and won't make anyone drive me around (we are in London, public transport dont run on Xmas day) anyway FIL is the only one who drives and for him is more important to get DRUNK
They are the ones who say that whitout my DD Xmas is meaningless and sad, even though they get more excited about the presents than my 4 year old.
It is hard for me to go all the way to Brazil with DH and DD for Xmas holidays as school holidays are not long enough to justify spending that much money...would be very hard for us to take the time off at this season anyway.
Next year I might still host, I don't mind. But I will not buy anything FOR SURE.
I will tell DH it is his turn and this it it.
I made a bigger effort this year as I got things wrong in the past for not having enough cash or time to think properly about presents, but this year I started earlier and by end of November my shopping was done.
As I said, I dont regret but the lesson was learnt for sure.
It is not about the ££££££ but as someone else said they did it on purpose cause they dislike me and dont have the balls to tell face to face what the problem is.
The Primark hunger had the xxl sticker too, but I just assume they bought in a rush.

And I know they all like aftershave and bodycream stuff.
I might take the xxl pj's bottoms to primark but dont have the receipt...
Maybe I will just give to MIL next time I see her, it is her size anyway
DH was embarassed today, when they were gone and he asked me to show him my presents. I have just told him he is charge of shopping next year and he said Ok. I know that some of you people can't understand what I mean but I am glad DH can.

sassy hun some of the women on here are truely horrible but we are not all like that. I sympathise with you and send loads on Christmas love xxx.

Wouldn't it be great if your mum or a sibling could come out next Christmas instead of spending all the money on presents, you could be spending money on the ticket? If Christmas is always going to be celebrated in your home and you are racing in from work to do it all, I think you should have a wee bit more say in what Christmas is like. If one of your relatives is there, you can have a bit more of a Brazilian touch to it. Some of what dh's family like and do and some of what your own family like and do. You don't have to be working yourself to the bone and bending over backwards to get everything the way they like and be overlooked somehow in the process.

Btw really maybe they are not two-faced. When they say they love having you in the family, maybe they really mean this. When they give you these cheaper presents and so on, could it be that they are doing this because they think you don't like the tradition of adults giving to adults somehow? You said you told them it wasn't common in Brazil and that you are used to only the dc getting presents. Do you think they are maybe spending an extra amount on dd and just giving you a token because of what you said? Is that possible?

Romantingle, you really think maybe the op's dh is choosing or paying for the gifts so the in laws think it's ok to buy the op cheap, ill fitting stuff?

I've never heard such a nonsensical, bizarre point of view before. They are married. Their money is theirs. They are a unit to be treated with the same consideration. Otherwise it would appear one is trying to create ructions.

I know when I'm a mil I will take umbrage if my family do not treat my dils and son in law with the same thought and kindness as their partners/husbands/wives.

In fact, I would probably treat my dcs' partners with more kindness for putting up with my lot if their current behaviour continues into adulthood.

Op, crap thoughtless gifts. Don't get upset though. They are really not worth any more effort. Next year, give them each a box of horrid nylon undies.

Mabey they cannot afford it! Yes you did go overboard with the gifts, you should give because you want to, not with expectation

For what its worth I can understand how you would feel as I would feel the same but I think when you say that you got it wrong in the past you mean you got them things they were not happy with ? It sounds like there is a bit of tit for tat going on which you intend to continue with by not buying them anything. Fair enough let your DH do it and invest your time in buying something nice for yourself instead. Or just say only buy presents for my daughter this year please.
Your gifts sound lovely and very thoughtful I would have loved a handmade bag.

No but whether poor or not, you should put thought and care into gifts. They are not just things to be given for the sake. That reduces their value no matter how much they cost.

I think it is the op's critics on this thread that emphasise the cost of presents too much.

Well I can see where the op is coming from.
I would suggest you go out but difficult if you don't drive.
Could you stick to your guns and tell dh that you do not want to host next year?
FWIW I find it incredibly rude when someone comes expecting to be waited on hand and foot treating my home like they are a paying guest in a luxury 5 star hotel.
Perhaps all the people saying you are ungrateful have the luxury of going out for Christmas lunch and letting someone else do all the work.
I always end up hosting too and have said,yet again, that I won't do it next year.
Your in laws should at least bring a bottle of wine with them or a dessert.
Stick to your guns, do not buy any of them a present next year and tell them that you are not cooking for them either.