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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Xmas presents I am not happy and feeling like a child...

281 replies

sassyminder · 26/12/2011 17:29

There was 2 couples and a single women at our home for Xmas, all from my usband family ( mother and father in law, brother in law with girlfriend and sister in law) and I made sure I bougtht them all of them gifts on behalf of me, my husband and dd.
For the lady's one hand made to order ( very pretty and one of a kind) handbag each, one expensive umbrella each and one L'occitane en provence set of 3 hand cream each. For the gentlemen I bouth 1 pringle of Scotland Polo Shirt, for FIL, Diesel Laptop Bag for BIL and Animal manbag for DH + L'occitane en Provence after shave for all of men.
Here is what I get:
2 primark pyjama bottoms from BIL and girlfriend (one is XXL and other is S, I am size 8 so only one is good)
1 hideous hat from SIL
1 bodycream from poundland from In Laws.

They really took the piss this year!
My husband and daughter got nice things obviously.
it is not all about presents, but it hurts see they give each other nice stuff and do this to me, I would rather them tell me what the fuck the problem is they have with me and give me absolutely nothing!!!
Next year I am going all the way to spend Xmas with my own family fuck them.
My DD is the only child in the family so they will be sad and alone.

And they won't have my hospitality ( yes I always host spending on food, drinks, eletricity and so on) even tough we work full time until the 23rd (hubby until 24th) and boxing day.

I don't blame my DH, he always waits for his bonus after new year to buy me nice presents, and this year I am getting an Iphone and Apple laptop.

Bitches.

OP posts:
thepeoplesprincess · 26/12/2011 19:31

Cost of Poundland smellies- one pound. Cost of cheap multipack card- 2p. Conveying the message to your DIL that she means less to you than a cup of tea in Asda's cafe- priceless.

YANBU.

talkingnonsense · 26/12/2011 19:33

Well I think they sound mean, especially if they got nice stuff for dh. Mind you, a hand made handbag could be tricky/ no chance if changing it is you don't like it! What did your dh think about it?

MynameisnotEarl · 26/12/2011 19:40

YANBU. And you know what to do next year.

Poundland/99p Stores/M&B are great for any old tat gifts. Hand cream, cheap chocolates, novelty socks will do (how about a nice pair of oven gloves for MIL? Xmas Grin). Spend half an hour max on choosing presents - job done.

Then you can sit back and enjoy Christmas instead of fretting over what they've given you.

spottyscarf · 26/12/2011 19:41

Tbh once you have kids I don't think you can expect family to get more than a 'token' gift for you. I know once SIL had kids we stopped getting very much for her and her DH as we were spending loads on the kids and they know that. Now that we all have kids, we don't buy for adults at all.

crazygal · 26/12/2011 19:42

im with you there myname,x

ZZZenAgain · 26/12/2011 19:42

what did they get for dh?

Wondering too what they got for each other?

Tortington · 26/12/2011 19:46

dya know what op - i know exactly what you mean, my in laws all did the same thing to all my family - bil and sil fil and mil

no its not about the money - its about teh thought

so for you xxl PJs are thoughtless - they clearly put thought into other peoples
so when people say 'oh aren't you lovely' they aren't getting the point

the point isn't 'they were skint andd they on'y spent a fiver on me' the point is - they actually spent money, time effort and thought on other people but just thought i wasn't worth it.

my in laws have shit it with me - this year was fucking hiddeous mysoginistic bollocks

Ilovedaintynuts · 26/12/2011 19:46

I think there is a back story to this.
The OP is tring to hard to impress and the in-laws are not playing ball.
What happened last Christmas? There is usually a precedent with presents.

I think you sound very needy OP.

troisgarcons · 26/12/2011 19:47

Out of curiosity, before you came on the scene, what sort of presents did you DH buy for his family?

I'm curious what he received though.

I'm also sniggering wildly at anyone over 14 receiving a manbag as a gift

Remove theburden of present buying back to your DH next year. There thats that sorted.

ZZZenAgain · 26/12/2011 19:47

tell us more custy? What have they done?

katkitya · 26/12/2011 19:48

You spent far too much!! What did they buy for you DP and dd?

LaurieFairyCake · 26/12/2011 19:48

Token presents or none for adults are fine if agreed.

Shit, cheap presents when others in your family get nice ones is just cuntishness done to make a point.

JosieZ · 26/12/2011 19:49

Their presents sound like the rubbish I buy for the secret santa at work - in fact they sound cheaper and nastier than the stuff I buy forthe secret santa at work.

Presumably you put on the food etc for them on Xmas day.

Buy them crap next year whether you spend Xmas with them or your own family. If they choose to spend on DH or DC that's up to them.

But I think you overspent on them. Noone deserves that much.

Miette · 26/12/2011 19:49

I think you spent far too much but agree that they didn't spend enough! One poundland present from someone is very scroogelike, particularly as you were the host and the primark pj bottoms were rubbish if they bought one in S and one in XXL! By all means go to your family next year though.

youarekidding · 26/12/2011 19:50

I am a LP with very little money and buy gifts I can afford for mum/dad/ bro and his GF, sis her DP and new DS.

I put more thought into what I am buying than money tbh and spend hours finding good books, fave choc packs/ spicy sauces for sis DP!, specialist CD's, and things that bring back good memories etc.

I got a TV this year Shock

I really hope my M/D aren't thinking the same about me right now. Sad

scrappydoodah · 26/12/2011 19:51

My ILs buy DH a 'nice' gift, and me a token present. That is totally normal, and I have always been really touched that they think of me at all. They are lovely lovely people.

My parents send us flowers, and only really buy presents for children which seems a very sensible approach.

Xmas isn't about presents OP.

Miette · 26/12/2011 19:52

and I agree with the pp who said that you should buy them extreme cheap tat next year.

aquashiv · 26/12/2011 19:53

Some people like giving way over the top presents its about power rather than the act of giving. If you arent happy with your gifts then just say next year you are only buying for children.

ZZZenAgain · 26/12/2011 19:53

there are no children other than her dd

ZZZenAgain · 26/12/2011 19:54

which when you think about it makes it a good decision

DaydreamingOfAWhiteXmasDolly · 26/12/2011 19:55

Hmmm. Maybe they don't like you.

RomanChristingle · 26/12/2011 19:58

It's fair enough to spend however much you want on presents but not if you expect the same value to be reciprocated imo.

Willowisp · 26/12/2011 19:59

Op, I think done of the comments are quite heavy handed & whilst it's not all about money, it's nice to feel that family have put some thought into your presents.

As mentioned, nothing wrong with Primark pj bottoms, but getting a size xxl is plain stupid.

I would take it on the chin & buy very small & inexpensive presents or perhaps nothing at all next year.

YANBU, btw.

DressingGownSnowQueen · 26/12/2011 20:01

I think you spent too much, sorry. I would be very very surprised to receive gifts that much from anyone.

I am also slightly boggling at having a moan about presents and then dropping in that you are getting an iphone and laptop Xmas Shock

Original poster
sassyminder · 26/12/2011 20:06

Ok so just to clarify:
I am the only one in the family who is a Christian and like to spend Christmas time to the real meaning so I always being weird about adults caring more about presents. For me (this is the way I have been brought up) presents are for children and I don't even talk about Santa Klaus too much. But my FIL gets more excited about the presents than my 4 year old.
All they care about is more quantity than quality. They usually give each other 1 or 2 really nice stuff and loads of crap just to make olume under the tree.
I always noticed that they gave my husband and daughter nicer stuff but I used to get Boots buy one get one free kind of things. Getting from poundland now was a bit too much of a crap to be honest.
It is not they are short of cash what so ever. They all have more than us a part from BIL and girfriend who are students, but they managed to give everyone else something nice...nevertheless I liked the pyjamas bottoms from Primark unfortunetely I am obviously small and thin, so the XXL one will go to the charity shop.
They always invite themselves to come over, and we do acomodate them the best we can. They always say whitout my DD Xmas would be nothing and we cant go anywhere as we usually work Xmas Eve and Boxing day and we dont drive. But we always make sure we do a very nice Xmas for them even tough we would rather be relaxing.
Anyway, they are fake, 2 face, people anyway because they always say how much they love me and how glad they are I am in the family and how nice was the Xmas blablablabla, but they really show they hate me when the buy my gifts.
As for my mac laptop and iphone, I work very hard and have joint bank acc with my DH, I manage the money and all outgoings and ingoings, (and I organize the whole Xmas things and presents as he can't be bothered) so if we pay off all of our debts and save anything it is down to me. We earn pretty much the same. He buys what he wants to himself all year long and I wait for his bonus to get something. And it is not that I have something like Iphone and mac laptop every year. I just nee an Iphone to talk to my family abroad using skype and face, and a good laptop for work. So it is kind of I am giving the presents to myself too.

OP posts: