Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 ··· 20 21

Original poster

to want to sleep with this married man?

507 replies

pumpkincarver · 22/12/2011 22:09

so. Met a wonderful guy, married, no kids. Am on the verge to start an affair, a fling (I'm not sure what yet) with him. I've never felt such strong attraction towards anyone else, hence my strong desire to go ahead.

I'm separated and single.
Am wondering how this rates on Mumsnet's grand moral scale.
Opinions appreciated, and no offence will be taken : )

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 23/12/2011 00:34

Ohhhh some wonderful passionate fling in a skanky hotel with him sneaking in separately from you paranoid in case he sees anyone he knows, turning his phone on to silent in case the little woman rings....

This steaming pile intensity is almost unbearable....

Does he have dark good looks, manly stubble and smoldering eyes??

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 23/12/2011 00:42

It's the opposite of romantic, isn't it?

I always think the least sexy thing to happen in such situations would be for the wife to be absolutely fine about the OP.

strictlycomedancingdiva · 23/12/2011 01:15

I'm usually a lurker, but your smug attitude makes my blood boil

Anger can be directed at both parties - the 'D'H for being a twunt and the OW for being a disrespecting bitch in respect of the total lack of interest in the hurt her actions cause!!

I really cannot believe you are for real!

Merry fucking Christmas to the DW, eh??

Oh, but am enjoying AF and Fabby's responses, thank you both!

GoingForGoalWeight · 23/12/2011 04:29

Laughed so hard, these ladies speak the truth :)

OriginalJamie · 23/12/2011 04:50

you sound like a 15 year old because at that age people sometimes don't understand or care about the consequences of their actions. You should.

Santageekmum · 23/12/2011 04:54

Just go and have a read on the relationship topic at all the threads posted by the wives... Even the ones who have marriage problems are absolutely horrified when they find out about affairs, whether physical or emotional.

It is absolutely impossible to have a 'fling' and not affect the marriage in some way. She will get suspicious. And even if not found out this time, you are encouraging him to have affairs, who's to say you'll be the only one? Then at some point down the line the marriage will fall apart.

If the marriage is bad, they should split before you get involved. If it's good, you are encouraging it to go bad. Either way, you would be a horrible, horrible person for considering it. Affairs and flings get a bad rap for a reason - someone always gets hurt.

And as for the blame being solely on the married man - it takes two to tango.

BratinghamPalace · 23/12/2011 05:06

OP his relationship is not your responsibility. He is married - up to him to look after that. Sounds to me like you are horny for this guy. As soon as you shag him you know it will be a) great, bring me more and all the crap that will be involved in that or b) a total waste of time and you walk away.
My advise? Use all that amazing sexy energy to go out and have a bloody brilliant time over Xmas and see how you feel then. Do you really want to waste that energy on a pretty squalid road?
Take care whatever you decide...

CheerfulYank · 23/12/2011 05:48

Ugh. Of course yABU. Get the fuck over yourself, and sharpish.

santastophere · 23/12/2011 05:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Akiram · 23/12/2011 06:23

santa AnyFucker a troll, Shiney a secret gardener - all we need now is to find out that SM isn't actually Scottish and MN will implode

Missingfriendsandsad · 23/12/2011 06:30

what's wrong with getting a bit of pleasure in this way.. really.. why do we limit ourselves with so many rules that leave us miserable - as long as its clear what you are up to. Its better for you as the single person, because its him that makes the decision about the level of his involvement and you can wash your hands of it a bit. If its a 'we enjoy having sex' then if you are safe etc and know its a secret and limited - ok. If you think that perhaps you will snare him etc then its not.

Dustinthewind · 23/12/2011 07:19

Interesting that you all seem to think the husband is up for this and are happily slagging him off.
When I'd been married for a while and had a small child, some woman fell passionately for my OH and was sure she was the one for him, active pursuit and all that. He was puzzled at first, then annoyed when he finally worked out what she really wanted. Took him a while to realise that it wasn't his etchings she was interested in.
Stupid, selfish and deluded bitch on heat.
Both her and you OP.

Whatmeworry · 23/12/2011 07:25

The OP is a free agent and can do what she pleases, and as statistically between 1/3 and 1/2 of DHs will cheat this is hardly a rare situation. As to the issueS between this man and his wife, that is between them and all's fair in love and war.

Saying that OP, if you can keep it to a fling you will probably be OK but beware a greater involvement - you are at the very least sharing the affections (the last few pages have some graphic discussions of other things shared:o ) of someone who you know will cheat, so you are probably better off putting the energy into single men.

tulipgrower · 23/12/2011 08:01

Ask his wife, if she's ok with it, then go for it.

rainbowinthesky · 23/12/2011 08:07

You sound about 15 and about to be used by some wanker.

sunshineoutdoors · 23/12/2011 08:09

I don't often post here but... statistically between 1/3 and 1/2 of DHs will cheat

Really? Is that true? Fucking hell that's awful. Please don't add to that statistic op. It shows no respect for the wife involved, what's she ever done to you?

If it's just a shag, get one from somewhere else. If it's more than that, give him the space and time to work out if he wants to be with his wife or not. Don't let him have his cake and eat it. People's feelings are involved.

Still that that many men cheat. Really? Please say it isn't so

exoticfruits · 23/12/2011 08:25

I would say that it was perfectly alright as long as you both tell his wife before you start.

exoticfruits · 23/12/2011 08:27

I also don't believe the statistic given.

I really don't mind what other people do as long as they are open from the start. Lying to the person that you are married to is the thing that is unforgivable.

itwontwork · 23/12/2011 08:48

OP, speaking as someone who was in exactly the same position, and acted on it...i'll give you a brief synopsis of what happened...

I was single, he was married, no kids.
He was irrisistable and I couldn't resist.
I fell deeply in love, he didn't, but claimed he did.
We discussed him leaving her, he didn't want kids.
He claimed they rarely slept together, she didn't do it for him anymore.
After 3 years, bingo, she was 'miraculously' pregnant.
I completely and utterly fell apart and spent the next 4 months sobbing into my cornflakes.
He still persued me, but by now I realised he'd fed me bull..and I had in all probablity spent 3 years sucking his DW's juice off his cock.
I told him to fuck off, and still regret those 3 wasted years when I could have found someone who actually loved me.

Don't let this be you OP. It won't be casual, it will develop into a full blown affair, and it's very likely someone (probably you) will be very hurt.

lockets · 23/12/2011 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thunderboltsandlightning · 23/12/2011 08:53

I want to know how the OP knows that sex is on the cards with this guy.

Whatmeworry · 23/12/2011 08:56

I also don't believe the statistic given.

Feel free to do your own research, Google is but a click away, forewarned is forearmed as they say.

Incidentally, infidelity by women is typically supposed to be c 1/5 to 1/3, so (statistically anyway) quite a few women on this thread have/are/will play away.....

jkklpu · 23/12/2011 08:57

Amazing this thread has lasted so long - OP clearly has no intention of taking any of the advice given. Just kill it off.

Whatmeworry · 23/12/2011 08:58

Statistically it's also very unlikely that the husband will leave the wife and get together with the OP btw.

noblegiraffe · 23/12/2011 09:21

If you sleep with him you will become a skank who sleeps with married men and he will become a bastard who cheats on his wife and that will never go away.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 ··· 20 21