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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend A has asked me to babysit for 3 1/2 hours on 2nd January

139 replies

pingu2209 · 22/12/2011 20:45

Hello again all.

I started two threads on here regarding help I give to friends in terms of looking after their children for free to enable them to work. Sorry I don't have the links.

Friend A works on a Friday and other odd days and regularly asks me to look after her 2 children, which I was getting fed up of.

Anyway, friend A asked me to look after her children overnight on 2nd January so that she could go out. I said no because the 3rd Jan was the last day of the holidays and I wanted the whole day as a family and knew that she wouldn't pick up her children before 10 at the very earliest.

Friend A has now told me that her mother can look after the children overnight on the 2nd Jan but is going out between 2 and 5.30 so could I now look after her children for those hours. She has pretty much begged me because she really wants to go out and it is essential that the children are not there.

I do want to help and for her (single mum) to have a social life. But really the whole of that time is 'family' time and I really want it just to be my family. My DH is also taking a days holiday so the 2nd is his last day before going back to work.

I did explain all this to Friend A and said that DH may well want to have a day out so getting back for 2pm will cut short the day. However, friend A is really desparate.

AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
TeaCider · 22/12/2011 20:46

YANBU, you've already said no. she is cheeky to push it. Stay strong.

redlac · 22/12/2011 20:46

I would say no. Your family time is more important than her social life, esp since your DH is taking a days holiday.

Bearcrumble · 22/12/2011 20:46

No, of course not.

TheAnnoyingSatsuma · 22/12/2011 20:46

YANBU.

LondonMumsie · 22/12/2011 20:47

YANBU. It is nice to help, but it is not an obligation and her need is not urgent (i.e. watching one child while she took another to the doctor or whatever).

troisgarcons · 22/12/2011 20:47

Just say you have prior family arrangements tht are unchangable. Dont go into details.

cece · 22/12/2011 20:48

YANBU to say no. Do not feel bad about this. You have said no and Friend A either needs to cancel her plans or find someone else to have them. I certainly would not cut short a family day out to look after someone elses children!

It is your friend who is BVU.

HappyMummyOfOne · 22/12/2011 20:48

YANBU, she choose to become a mother and has to accept that she is not child free and if she wants to go out then paying for a sitter is the way to go.

oohbabybaby · 22/12/2011 20:49

defo say no, your DH is using a full days hol - blame him & say he wants his moneys worth!

pinkyp · 22/12/2011 20:49

Yanbu

FestiveFriedaWassailsAgain · 22/12/2011 20:50

It is so she can go out? Not for a vital appointment or a legal meeting or a job interview?

YANBU to still say no, so she gets a couple of hours less time socialising? She'll live.

kidsinamerica · 22/12/2011 20:50

Third thread read.

Please - enough now.

She takes and takes and gives nothing back.

Just say no.

YANBU

duvetdayplease · 22/12/2011 20:50

YANBU. I would say you need to stop explaining to Friend A why you can't and just say no, I can't, already busy.

You may want to help but you are not responsible for solving her problems. You have a right to a family day out.

slavetofilofax · 22/12/2011 20:50

Tell her no! Just say it won't work for you in a firm voice, and if she persists you repeat yourself like a broken record.

Practice in the mirror if you have to!

complexnumber · 22/12/2011 20:50

Good for you for saying 'no' in the first place.

Now stick to that.

TheSecondComing · 22/12/2011 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DelGirlsRingAreYouListening · 22/12/2011 20:51

Say no, not easy though. The cynic in me would also be worried that just maybe the mother wouldn't be able to babysit at the last minute and you'd be stuck!

Loobyloo1902 · 22/12/2011 20:52

Would it be so terrible to include her kids in your family time? It's your call but if you can spread the love a bit more at Christmas, I'm sure it would be appreciated. You never know if you'll need the favour returned one day!

Original poster
pingu2209 · 22/12/2011 20:54

She needs her children out of the house as she is having a male friend round. They met on line and get on really well, but he lives on the other side of the country. She has met him in London once but he is in this area on the 2nd and 3rd - which is extremely rare and both of them want to make the most of the fact they are in the same location.

She doesn't want her children in the house whilst her man friend is there for both their safety (as she doesn't REALLY know him and he could be a perv) and also to enable her to have child free time with him.

OP posts:
ChaoticAngel · 22/12/2011 20:58

Tough. YANBU Just say no.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 22/12/2011 20:58

Hang on - she wants to get rid of her children for the day so she can shag some random man she met on the internet?

And that's your problem why?

Just say no.

pictish · 22/12/2011 20:59

You already said no to the 2nd. So continue with no.

troisgarcons · 22/12/2011 21:01

Sorry - but - its time she put her children first.

I did say similar on another thread a few weeks back and was told that every one is entitled to shag themselves silly with a random pick up to a private life.

LordOfTheFlies · 22/12/2011 21:03

No No No

You know something will come up and her mum won't be able to have them at the agreed time.
And Friend A will just assume you will take up the reins. Because what would you do in that situation? Keep them or march them round to your friend and interupt her romantic evening?

Stay strong (and grow balls) Xmas Wink

troisgarcons · 22/12/2011 21:04

but is going out between 2 and 5.30 so could I now look after her children for those hours

She needs her children out of the house as she is having a male friend round.

So is she in or out?

both of them want to make the most of the fact they are in the same location.

blergh TMI

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