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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend A has asked me to babysit for 3 1/2 hours on 2nd January

139 replies

pingu2209 · 22/12/2011 20:45

Hello again all.

I started two threads on here regarding help I give to friends in terms of looking after their children for free to enable them to work. Sorry I don't have the links.

Friend A works on a Friday and other odd days and regularly asks me to look after her 2 children, which I was getting fed up of.

Anyway, friend A asked me to look after her children overnight on 2nd January so that she could go out. I said no because the 3rd Jan was the last day of the holidays and I wanted the whole day as a family and knew that she wouldn't pick up her children before 10 at the very earliest.

Friend A has now told me that her mother can look after the children overnight on the 2nd Jan but is going out between 2 and 5.30 so could I now look after her children for those hours. She has pretty much begged me because she really wants to go out and it is essential that the children are not there.

I do want to help and for her (single mum) to have a social life. But really the whole of that time is 'family' time and I really want it just to be my family. My DH is also taking a days holiday so the 2nd is his last day before going back to work.

I did explain all this to Friend A and said that DH may well want to have a day out so getting back for 2pm will cut short the day. However, friend A is really desparate.

AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 22/12/2011 21:04

She's unreasonable and rude to try to manipulate you. You've already said no.

SugarPasteChristmasCake · 22/12/2011 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AKMD · 22/12/2011 21:08

For goodness' sake! Just say no! Repeat ad nauseum until these rude people go away.

If you ask a favour of someone and they say no it is beyond cheeky to ask again unless it is life/death. Don't feel the least bit guilty saying no again, and again when her mum is unable to make it at the last minute . Just no. Your family time comes first in this situation.

SugarPasteChristmasCake · 22/12/2011 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PattySimcox · 22/12/2011 21:09

Pingu I can't believe the way your friends continue to try and take advantage of you.

Don't let them.

Yes she is a lone parent, but why does that become your problem.

Tell her no. If she is that bothered she could pay for a sitter

Pandemoniaa · 22/12/2011 21:11

I can quite understand Friend A wanting to entertain this internet innamorata. But she's doing so at the expense of some fairly precious time with your family and actually, I think she's being unreasonable to prevail on you.

Also, if she is yet to meet him in real life she's taking a huge risk inviting him home at all. Surely a neutral venue is the sensible place to meet?

Either way, YANBU in saying no on this occasion.

joanofarchitrave · 22/12/2011 21:13

God almighty, NO.

'Friend A is really desperate' equates to 'Friend A thinks that I am the only person she knows who will give way if she pushes hard enough'.

Get your dh to ring her and say it if you really can't.

SardineQueen · 22/12/2011 21:14

The answer is no.

If she wants to get some time with her internet man then she needs to arrange it properly in advance. Not just try and bung her children at you when he happens to be around. If he likes her and she likes him then they can arrange to meet other times.

Just say NO.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 22/12/2011 21:14

So she thinks her sex life is more important than your time together as a family basically. And is rude enough to ask for a second time.

Deal with it now, text her and just say no you can't. No explanation, then don't answer the phone if she rings.

Groovee · 22/12/2011 21:14

Just say no. We don't all get time off to have daytime sex, so why should she? I reckon her mother will let her down and you'll end up with them.

AnnoyingOrange · 22/12/2011 21:16

Just say no

ChristinedePizaTinsel · 22/12/2011 21:17

She's got all bloody night, she really doesn't need all day too.

Careful - you're starting to tip from very lovely indeed into mug territory here

LittleJennyRobyn · 22/12/2011 21:18

Absolutely no way should you do it!

I read your other threads and quite frankly she is taking the piss, its one thing to ask in an emergancy but seems like she wants you at her beck and call...you do enough already. And i think i would be putting a stop to all these favours you are doing for her and tell her no more.

ballstoit · 22/12/2011 21:18

YANBU. How does it go? 'No is a complete sentence'.

I'm a lone parent, I like the occasional shag (sorry if TMI), I do not expect everyone else in the world to drop their own plans to enable me to have said shag though.

Repeat after me 'No, sorry, that doesn't work for me'...and keep repeating until she finally gets the message.

Have a lovely Christmas and an even better 2nd Jan Smile

LydiaWickham · 22/12/2011 21:18

Just joining in the 'say no' (are you getting a theme??? Wink )

Look, it's not something important. She wants to have sex with a random man, she's lined up childcare for after 5:30pm, so she'll just have to have a cold shower wait for a couple of hours.

It's really really cheeky of her to ask after you've said no. This isn't something you need to do. Why should your time with your family be sacrified so she can have an extra shag?

Original poster
pingu2209 · 22/12/2011 21:19

I know I will have to have the conversation and say that we are going out for the day and DH would rather not have others over on his day off.

I can see the next conversation though... can you take the children with you. She knows we have a 7 seater so I can add her 2 children to my 3 and take them out.

I think my concern isn't having them for the 3 1/2 hours, it is the fact her mother is just a nightmare and I would put the odds at 50:50 as to whether she suddenly gets ill and can't have the children. I would be hugely angry, although I am 100% comfortable saying to friend A that if her mother says at the last minute she can't have the children, under no circumstances can they stay with me, that friend A will need to kick out the internet bloke.

She will be really really upset. She spoke with me for over half an hour about how this is the only time they can really meet up. She has met him once before in London for lunch - even then I looked after her children for that and London isn't exactly close to where we live either.

She can't have a babysitter - the whole point is that the children need to be out of the house.

OP posts:
TheMonster · 22/12/2011 21:20

Grow a pair and say no.

toddlerama · 22/12/2011 21:21

Obviously not. Your 'friends' are really weird. They need to arrange childcare or stay at home. This "I-work-but-not-enough-to-pay-for-what-I-need-can-you-do-it?" is no use to anyone. Very strange state of affairs. As for putting further demands on your time to shag strangers, you should have laughed in her face.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 22/12/2011 21:23

That's why I think you should text her a simple no can't do it and not engage further. I know someone like your friend and believe me when I say you really need to make a stand now or you will hugely regret it.

ChristinedePizaTinsel · 22/12/2011 21:25

Honestly, I'm a single mother and it's just tough fucking shit that you can't have a 24 hour shagathon if you fancy it. I can't imagine you get a lot of opportunity if you're in a relationship either.

This. Is. Not. Your. Problem.

LadyFlumpalot · 22/12/2011 21:26

Say no, and hand her the phonenumber of your local playscheme, childrens centre, nearest childminder, whatever is open on the 2nd that can take kids. I know it is difficult to say no, especially to a friend but just tell her, no, you can't have the kids, you are going out for some family time. Make sure you stress the FAMILY bit.

LadyFlumpalot · 22/12/2011 21:27

Bloody hit enter too soon, Make sure you stress the FAMILY bit so that she knows you won't be taking her kids along too.

ilovesooty · 22/12/2011 21:28

I know I will have to have the conversation and say that we are going out for the day and DH would rather not have others over on his day off

No, you just say no. Never explain to users like her.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 22/12/2011 21:29

Tell her no!!! Definitely tell her no!! She sounds like a cheeky madam, I would end the friendship with her tbh, she isn't much of a friend, just a cheeky using entitled freeloader.

crunchbag · 22/12/2011 21:29

Don't make excuses or justify yourself, just say NO

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