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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend A has asked me to babysit for 3 1/2 hours on 2nd January

139 replies

pingu2209 · 22/12/2011 20:45

Hello again all.

I started two threads on here regarding help I give to friends in terms of looking after their children for free to enable them to work. Sorry I don't have the links.

Friend A works on a Friday and other odd days and regularly asks me to look after her 2 children, which I was getting fed up of.

Anyway, friend A asked me to look after her children overnight on 2nd January so that she could go out. I said no because the 3rd Jan was the last day of the holidays and I wanted the whole day as a family and knew that she wouldn't pick up her children before 10 at the very earliest.

Friend A has now told me that her mother can look after the children overnight on the 2nd Jan but is going out between 2 and 5.30 so could I now look after her children for those hours. She has pretty much begged me because she really wants to go out and it is essential that the children are not there.

I do want to help and for her (single mum) to have a social life. But really the whole of that time is 'family' time and I really want it just to be my family. My DH is also taking a days holiday so the 2nd is his last day before going back to work.

I did explain all this to Friend A and said that DH may well want to have a day out so getting back for 2pm will cut short the day. However, friend A is really desparate.

AIBU to say no?

OP posts:

mumofbumblebea · 22/12/2011 21:32

another one for saying no. she is taking the piss. fancy risking giving a bloke off the internet her address before meeting him a few times. he could show up at her house anytime with his mates or anything (i know that sounds paranoid but she really shouldn't be giving her address out to someone she barely knows when she has children). plus it is hardly likely to turn into anything serious if she has so much trouble managing to see him anyway, she'd be better off spending her time off with her kids. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY.

fhdl34 · 22/12/2011 21:35

I have to say, she doesn't sound like a very good friend; she sounds like a piss taker. Just say no and if she asks you to take her kids with you, say no again. What does she do in return for you with all the childcare you provide for her?

Mulledbee · 22/12/2011 21:38

You obviously don't want to and you have a right to have time alone with your family so just say no. And as others have already said, don't give excuses or explanations as it will encourage her to find solutions so you can do it. Just say no, firmly. Your friends completely take advantage of you from what you've posted before.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 22/12/2011 21:38

The shagging random men off the internet would put me right off a friend tbh. It's irresponsible for her to behave like that.

HollyTwat · 22/12/2011 21:38

I'm a single mum and I have NEVER used my friends in this way

Ever

In fact I very rarely ask for favours, if I do I'm desperate and they're glad to help me. Say you've got family plans and it isn't possible.

Pantofino · 22/12/2011 21:41

Um just say NO! Fair enough if she had to work and was let down or something. I might be more amenable in those circumstances. You just need have "family plans".....

pinksomething · 22/12/2011 21:42

"pingu2209Thu 22-Dec-11 21:19:27

I know I will have to have the conversation and say that we are going out for the day and DH would rather not have others over on his day off"

No you do not need to have that conversation! You need to say "No. Sorry I can't."
I'll repeat what somehas has already said No is a complete sentence
Just try and avoid getting into a discussion.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 22/12/2011 21:43

Pinksomething is right; don't get into a discussion about it. Don't apologise or say "hope you don't mind", don't offer an elaborate explanation or excuse, just a "It's going to have to be a no for 2nd January, very busy day for us, hope you get something else sorted". Use the broken record technique if she goes on and on trying to get you to do it.

BellaVita · 22/12/2011 21:46

Just say NO. End of.

hippoCritt · 22/12/2011 21:47

No is a complete sentence!
I think if you agreed you wouldbeworrying about losing your day and her mum.ettingher down, yes I can see you want to help her havea social life but in reality she could change her plans by a few hours,please just stick to no!

hippoCritt · 22/12/2011 21:48

I also think suggesting 2 extras on a family trip out is reserved for emergency,hospital dash or funeral notinternet dating.

OhTheConfusion · 22/12/2011 21:49

Don't mean to be dim... but why can't she get a babysitter and she goes out? Suerly this man could meet her for lunch, day out, evening out etc?

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 22/12/2011 21:53

Of course she can get a sitter. If she wants a shag they can go to a hotel.

ElfOfThePerverse · 22/12/2011 21:55

Just say no!

Or start asking for her to have your children, if she can say no to that, you can say no to her.

mumofbumblebea · 22/12/2011 21:56

just to add, someone in DPs family met a man off the internet, met him once, then arranged to meet him at hers and arranged a babysitter. she gave him her address that morning before she went to work (he knew she had a 9-5 job). anyway, she got home and found that her house had been burgled and never heard from this bloke again. profile deleted and everything and she couldn't contact him on the number he had given her. she reported it to police and i'm not sure what happened in the end (not something she likes to talk about or be reminded of so we tried to stay out of it). i gather if he did it (which it seems more than likely imo) he got away with it anyway. i know the internet works for a lot of people in terms of meeting someone but you have to be so careful. i think your friend is taking a big risk.

Lotkinsgonecurly · 22/12/2011 21:57

Umm, just say no. You are going to have to.

Icelollycraving · 22/12/2011 21:59

Ok,I've read your other threads. She uses you because you allow it.
It is not your fault she is a single parent. It is not your responsibility to take her children out on a family day when hour husband has taken a day off. Her mother is odds on to cancel. If you feel strong enough to say you won't have them overnight,use that feeling to say no to the day. Tell her to keep being asked is making you feel bulldozed into fitting your life around hers when most people would fit around the person doing the favour.
Odds on he is married or involved anyway. If a man wants to see you,he will. It won't be when he's passing!

IloveJudgeJudy · 22/12/2011 22:03

You really do have to say no. Who is more important to you, your family and DH or your friend? I'm asking this because if you do sit her DC, you are putting them above your family, aren't you?

Please for your own and your family's sake, say no this time. You don't always have to say no, just this time.

Appuskidu · 22/12/2011 22:13

God, what an unpleasant 'friend'. Why can't internet shag just arrive when the kids have gone to her mum's??

As for asking you to take her two kids on a family day out with yours; she's taking the piss big time.

Nanny0gg · 22/12/2011 22:28

I don't know why you're asking.
You don't want to.
Your DH doesn't want you to.
I bet your children don't want you to.

You've been told before.
Say No.

nightowlmostly · 22/12/2011 22:35

I read your other threads too, I remember them well!

You do need to start sticking up for yourself, and everyone who has told you not to make excuses are right, she will simply come up with ways around whatever you say. Just tell her you can't, no explanation, you just can't, it's not convenient.

If she is really a friend she'll drop it, if not, well, you know where you stand!

Good luck, I know it's easy for me to say!

myncichips · 22/12/2011 22:50

Just to wade in on the same theme...no no no no no. If she can't afford a sitter/childminder to take her kids out then she should get the random bloke to chip in. Don't get into a discussion just say no.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 22/12/2011 22:51

No no and no! Unless she is going in for actual surgery on a vital organ then no. She Is Taking The Piss.