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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To visit my daughter while she is on a school trip

203 replies

Rudolphina · 20/12/2011 22:09

My DD went on a school trip for a week, with the DD staying overnight with school for the first time ever. She was very keen on the trip. I sent her with a mobile phone and she called me every night and most mornings. She loved the trip activities but was feeling very lonely, homesick and isolated as it turned out none of her class went on the trip and it was all children from older years (she is in year 5).

She cried most nights saying she wanted to see me, so DH and myself went to see her. Our plan was to pop in and stay overnight for one evening (not with her but in the same hotel) so she could chat to us if she was sad. We had no plans to get involved with the trip or accompany her anywhere, our plan was just to spend a day visiting the local sights, but my DD would know I was there, be less stressed and be able to enjoy the rest of the trip. I only planned to stay one night and leave the next day with her hopefully feeling less lonely and reassured that if she needed us we would be there.

When I arrived at the hotel the teacher in charge met us in an absolute rage (we were stunned). We were told (repeatedly) if we had any contact with our DD, then that would break the 'loco parentis' agreement and we would have to take her home. The teacher was so angry it was beyond belief, saying I should have consulted her if I wished to come and visit.

My DD (who knew we were in the hotel, as we had told her we were going to 'pop in') was told by the same teacher that she was not allowed any contact with us. I spent the night with her on the phone from another room asking why we could not come down to see her.

We actually bumped into each other at one point and she ran away from me saying 'I have been told I am not allowed to see you'. I was quite devastated at this.

I returned home disgusted at the way the situation was handled by the teacher and would like to know if there is any justification for their position?

I have 'popped in' to see her on other school activities, for example there are netball weekends where I pop in to see how their team are doing, buy her lunch and just hang around watching the matches, cheering etc. No one has ever told me before that if I spoke to her then she would have to go home.

I appreciate any advice. My DH is arranging a meeting with the school head about it.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 20/12/2011 22:10

Surely this is a wind up?

fivegomadindorset · 20/12/2011 22:10

Are you for real?

ExcitedElectrons · 20/12/2011 22:11

Hmm seriously? Hmm

cazzybabs · 20/12/2011 22:12

I am sorry but if I was running a school trip I wouldn't be happy if a parent popped in - I would imagine you would actually make things worse for your dd in terms of feeling home sick.

JingleyBalls · 20/12/2011 22:12

Not sure about the loco parentis stuff the teacher said, but it sounds quite sweet that you would do this for your daughter, especially as she was so upset about being away.

Poor girl, thinking that she was not allowed to speak to you or be near you :(

EndoplasmicReticulum · 20/12/2011 22:13

Honestly? As a teacher, I would find it very odd if parents turned up to a school trip. I do teach secondary though. I certainly think that if you were going to turn up you should have contacted the staff in charge first. I think you may have made your daughter more unsettled by your actions.

NatashaBee · 20/12/2011 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 20/12/2011 22:14

The teacher was so angry it was beyond belief, saying I should have consulted her if I wished to come and visit

I'm not bloody surprised and who exactly is your helicopter parenting helping? Because it's certainly not going to help your child.

eandemum · 20/12/2011 22:15

Aren't children usually told NOT to bring their mobiles with them - I know my DS has been - for this reason - could phone when upset in the middle of the night instead of going to a leader.
Why was she the only one from her class?

needanewname · 20/12/2011 22:15

Really??? Can you not see how much worse you made this for your dd?

I'm amazed you had phone contact tbh.

You really need to let your dd get some independence.

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 20/12/2011 22:15

I've never heard anything so ridiculous - why on earth did she have a phone? You didn't even give her a chance to settle! I'd be pretty furious if I was the teacher too

coppertop · 20/12/2011 22:15

I'm surprised your dd was even allowed to take a phone with her.

VivaLeBeaver · 20/12/2011 22:16

This is why dd,s primary school won't allow mobile phones on school trips. I do think that contact with home makes it worse.

Bossybritches22 · 20/12/2011 22:17

TBH Why would you let your DD go on a trip like this if no-one else she knew/ in her year were going?

The teacher was over-reacting yes bu she'd probably just got your DD to relax & join a bit more & you turning up probably scuppered all the ground she had made.

It's part of the growing up process to work through the leaving Mum/homesickness bit, & one reason why my DD's school banned mobiles on their Y5 trip, they don't need them.

katkitya · 20/12/2011 22:18

I cant say Ive ever heard anything like this before. Why did you even let her go for a full week if she'd never been before. Did you know that none of her classmates were going? What are you going to say to the head?

bluerodeo · 20/12/2011 22:18

Surely most school residentials do not take place at this time of year, why didn't you post this at the time?

COCKadoodledooo · 20/12/2011 22:18

You cut the apro strings and let her go, or you take her away with you. You do not go and join in with a school trip.

And I agree with Viva

thepeoplesprincess · 20/12/2011 22:19

Presumably the justification for their position would be that you're nuts.

pinkyp · 20/12/2011 22:20

Yabu if you just turned up without warning to the teachers

slavetofilofax · 20/12/2011 22:20

This must be a private school?

I would be pissed off if I was the teacher too. She was right, if you wanted to see her you should have taken her home. You can't have the best of both worlds in this situation, even if you are paying for it. They are a school, not a creche.

If your dd was unhappy then you should be encouraging her to brave it out, not reinforcing her belief that there is something to be upset about. Presumably part of her going on such a long school trip was to encourage some independance, but you have well and truly pissed all over that.

If you were worried enough to visit her, you should have been in touch with the school directly.

YABVU and the person to come out of this the worst will be your dd.

SkivingAgain · 20/12/2011 22:21

When my children went on residential trips they were not allowed to take phones, on the basis that kids are usually quite happy until they get in touch with home and start to feel homesick. This then spreads to the other kids and causes unnecessary upset.

From what you say, the teacher does seem to have handled the situation a bit badly. Do other parents turn up to the same things as you? Perhaps the school are feeling a bit exasperated with you.

Merrylegs · 20/12/2011 22:21

Hmm. It's pretty unusual for mobile phones to be allowed on school trips for the very reason that they can distract kids from getting on with things.

You say she is in Year 5 but everyone else was older - is this a primary school? So Year 6 then.

It turns out no one else in her class went.

Eh? How could you only have found that out after the trip had started? Did you ask no questions before? There must have been a meeting for parents.

All v bizzarre. Or is this the plot of a film?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2011 22:22

wind up

therantingBOM · 20/12/2011 22:24

I've heard it all now.

ineedstrongcoffee · 20/12/2011 22:24

my god i didnt know umbilical cords could stretch so far,get it cut and let her grow up.