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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To visit my daughter while she is on a school trip

203 replies

Rudolphina · 20/12/2011 22:09

My DD went on a school trip for a week, with the DD staying overnight with school for the first time ever. She was very keen on the trip. I sent her with a mobile phone and she called me every night and most mornings. She loved the trip activities but was feeling very lonely, homesick and isolated as it turned out none of her class went on the trip and it was all children from older years (she is in year 5).

She cried most nights saying she wanted to see me, so DH and myself went to see her. Our plan was to pop in and stay overnight for one evening (not with her but in the same hotel) so she could chat to us if she was sad. We had no plans to get involved with the trip or accompany her anywhere, our plan was just to spend a day visiting the local sights, but my DD would know I was there, be less stressed and be able to enjoy the rest of the trip. I only planned to stay one night and leave the next day with her hopefully feeling less lonely and reassured that if she needed us we would be there.

When I arrived at the hotel the teacher in charge met us in an absolute rage (we were stunned). We were told (repeatedly) if we had any contact with our DD, then that would break the 'loco parentis' agreement and we would have to take her home. The teacher was so angry it was beyond belief, saying I should have consulted her if I wished to come and visit.

My DD (who knew we were in the hotel, as we had told her we were going to 'pop in') was told by the same teacher that she was not allowed any contact with us. I spent the night with her on the phone from another room asking why we could not come down to see her.

We actually bumped into each other at one point and she ran away from me saying 'I have been told I am not allowed to see you'. I was quite devastated at this.

I returned home disgusted at the way the situation was handled by the teacher and would like to know if there is any justification for their position?

I have 'popped in' to see her on other school activities, for example there are netball weekends where I pop in to see how their team are doing, buy her lunch and just hang around watching the matches, cheering etc. No one has ever told me before that if I spoke to her then she would have to go home.

I appreciate any advice. My DH is arranging a meeting with the school head about it.

OP posts:
AllGoodNamesGone · 20/12/2011 22:54

The teacher should have spoken to you calmly and not in a rage but, otherwise, I understand her point of view. Imagine if everyone's parents turned up and the teacher had 30+ children all popping off to see their parents at random times, in and out of parents room etc, it would be a nightmare to ensure the children were all safe and accounted for.

Collision · 20/12/2011 22:55

What a pile of crap!!!!

No one in their right mind would do this!!

NO WAY IS THIS REAL.

Phones are always banned from school trips.

Your DD must be mortified.

TroublesomeEx · 20/12/2011 22:57

If this is real, I have absolutely heard it all now.

I wouldn't read too much into the OP's assessment of the teacher's manner (e.g. rage) either. The whole premise is nuts.

What a loon you are OP. Children are always more homesick when they have contact with their parents. It reminds them that they are away from home rather than just getting on with having fun where they are.

If you are real you are fucking bonkers!

LynetteScavo · 20/12/2011 22:57

It would have to be a private school.

State schools having netball weekends? Hmm

If real, the whole situation has been handled badly by teacher and parents.

Pandemoniaa · 20/12/2011 23:00

Please let this be a wind-up. Otherwise it has to take the mince pie for most bonkers thread this year.

Hulababy · 20/12/2011 23:00

YABU to turn up at the hotel and hang around on a school trip!

If this is real - and tbh it is a very odd set of circumstances - then you need to really hang back a lot and let go a little.

I am suprised that:

  • your DD is on a residential this week
  • your DD was allowed a mobile phone on the trip and that she was allowed to use it unsupervised and especially at night
  • that you didn't know there were none of her friends/class mates on this trip until now
  • that you expected to be allowed to just show up at the hotel

If your DD was so upset why did you not just ask to take her home?

The constant contact by phone etc will have made your DD's home sickness far worse and this is one of the reasons many schools have no contact policies during school trips.

manicinsomniac · 20/12/2011 23:01

I can easily believe this

Could well be a private school - I work in one and our residential trips (unless direlctly related to the curriculum which this one wouldn't be due to mixed ages) always take place in the holidays. We have a few holiday time trips that are open to anyone from Y5 upwards so theoretically a child could be the only one from their age group (though they'd know about it beforehand).

I also recognise this type of protective parent!

YABU though OP. The teacher shouldn't have shouted at you but I can understand the annoyance. Why didn't you contact the school and see whether they thought it helpful or necessary for you to either visit or take your child home?

smartyparts · 20/12/2011 23:02

This is a wind-up.

imaginethat · 20/12/2011 23:03

Gee I'm amazed by the whole thing, my disclaimer being that I am in NZ.

My dd is Year 5, parents are very welcome to pop into school/school trips/Brownie camps etc. We pretty much come and go as we please. It's called Open School policy. I haven't known it to cause any problems, it's all pretty friendly and casual.

I went to a few when dd was younger, she liked having a parent along for the ride, but she is now at an age where parents are an embarrassment so I stay out of the way.

I guess the common ground would be that I would be aware of the school's policy and acting in the best interests of my child.

LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 20/12/2011 23:03

creeepy

hocuspontas · 20/12/2011 23:07

Do primary-aged children go on residentials where members of the public can stay? Must be a security nightmare. Mine only ever went to places like Kingswood.

EssieW · 20/12/2011 23:10

YABU. I help out on school expeditions. I can believe this would happen (although odd time of year for it so a few doubts there). We have banned mobile phones for this reason and moved one trip further away to avoid darling parents picking up children.

These actions undermine teachers, upset other children and don't help your daughter in long run.

MumGoneCrazy · 20/12/2011 23:15

DS went on a 5 day trip with his primary school in June he was yr 6 then, and they were allowed to take mobiles, which the teachers kept on them and they were given them for 5mins between 6pm and 8pm depending on when they were free just to say hello, tell us how their day went and say good night.

alistron1 · 20/12/2011 23:28

If this is real....

my kids have been on school trips. Mobiles are not allowed, if a kid is homesick schools WILL get in touch with parents. If your DD was crying every night why did you not get in touch with the school and find a solution that (a) supported your DD (b) didn't undermine the school and (c) didn't make you look like an idiot?

mrsjay · 20/12/2011 23:34

A parent did this when dd2 was on her residential she was a bit of a plonker for doing it she said she was representing the PTA , No wonder the teacher was angry I think you shoulve contacted the teacher first , or brought your daughter home if she was so upset ,

OldLadyKnowsSantaClaus · 20/12/2011 23:45

I suspect that mobiles were banned on this trip too. But that wouldn't apply to the OP's DD, of course. Because "no contact" means phoning from another room.

NeuromanticisedVisionsofXmas · 20/12/2011 23:47

I don't believe the OP, but I'm equally stunned by some of the bonkers responses.

LadyBeagleBaublesAndBells · 20/12/2011 23:55

What age is Year 5?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 21/12/2011 00:06

age 9/10

RomanChristingle · 21/12/2011 00:13

Unrelated but AnyFucker your Xmas name makes me howl with laughter every time I see it. I keep imagining my families faces if that was what I said upon presenting the mince pies!

Bunbaker · 21/12/2011 00:16

"Mine only ever went to places like Kingswood."

DD's primary school did, and mobile phones (and visiting parents) were banned.

WorraLiberty · 21/12/2011 00:18

Yep, mine went to Kingswood and phones were also banned.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 21/12/2011 00:19

Roman are you saying you want a mince pie, you fucker ? Xmas Wink

tabulahrasa · 21/12/2011 00:24

Shock I've had to go on a residential trip with my DS, because of his SN it was either go with him or he couldn't go (and I debated that for weeks)

I hated how much it singled him out from the other children... I genuinely can't believe someone would try to go visit a child on a trip.

RomanChristingle · 21/12/2011 00:24

There are actual tears streaming down my face now! And I'd love a fucking mince pie thanks!
I trust you have entered the Christmas name change competition thing. It is a toss up between you and SantasStrapon for me.