Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To visit my daughter while she is on a school trip

203 replies

Rudolphina · 20/12/2011 22:09

My DD went on a school trip for a week, with the DD staying overnight with school for the first time ever. She was very keen on the trip. I sent her with a mobile phone and she called me every night and most mornings. She loved the trip activities but was feeling very lonely, homesick and isolated as it turned out none of her class went on the trip and it was all children from older years (she is in year 5).

She cried most nights saying she wanted to see me, so DH and myself went to see her. Our plan was to pop in and stay overnight for one evening (not with her but in the same hotel) so she could chat to us if she was sad. We had no plans to get involved with the trip or accompany her anywhere, our plan was just to spend a day visiting the local sights, but my DD would know I was there, be less stressed and be able to enjoy the rest of the trip. I only planned to stay one night and leave the next day with her hopefully feeling less lonely and reassured that if she needed us we would be there.

When I arrived at the hotel the teacher in charge met us in an absolute rage (we were stunned). We were told (repeatedly) if we had any contact with our DD, then that would break the 'loco parentis' agreement and we would have to take her home. The teacher was so angry it was beyond belief, saying I should have consulted her if I wished to come and visit.

My DD (who knew we were in the hotel, as we had told her we were going to 'pop in') was told by the same teacher that she was not allowed any contact with us. I spent the night with her on the phone from another room asking why we could not come down to see her.

We actually bumped into each other at one point and she ran away from me saying 'I have been told I am not allowed to see you'. I was quite devastated at this.

I returned home disgusted at the way the situation was handled by the teacher and would like to know if there is any justification for their position?

I have 'popped in' to see her on other school activities, for example there are netball weekends where I pop in to see how their team are doing, buy her lunch and just hang around watching the matches, cheering etc. No one has ever told me before that if I spoke to her then she would have to go home.

I appreciate any advice. My DH is arranging a meeting with the school head about it.

OP posts:
dickiedavisthunderthighs · 22/12/2011 10:00

OP posted this in Legal Matters as well regarding 'loco parentis'. I think this actually happened.

exoticfruits · 22/12/2011 10:25

Sadly I can well believe that it happened-and I expect they think it good parenting.

BalloonSlayer · 22/12/2011 10:39

What gets me about the OP is if the Mum is that much of a helicopter then why didn't she know that no one in the DD's class was going on the trip.

I am a bit of a helicopter meself (although the OP makes me look like Spartan Mother) and I always ask my DCs "Who else is going" to reassure themselves that they will be with some naice children friends.

LeQueen · 22/12/2011 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GracieW · 22/12/2011 11:58

YAB completely U.

Stop 'popping in' to the school activities and don't give her a phone on trips - the teachers are your contact and I'm not surprised they are angry with you.

exoticfruits · 22/12/2011 13:42

I find it strange that someone starts AIBU and everyone tells her that she is unreasonable so she pops across and asks on legal matters-probably it will pop up on education next and OP will never accept that her behaviour was unacceptable.

EdithWeston · 22/12/2011 22:29

The thread in legal was started before this one.

OP has not been back to either.

LeQueen · 23/12/2011 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigBaubledBertha · 23/12/2011 11:37

I assume the DD is an only child too. No mother could run around after one child like this if they had another one in tow (at least I hope not!)

The poor child has no allies if she has no siblings and nobody to deflect the attention of her parents from time to time.Sad

She'll either rebel big time at some point and her mother will barely see her or she will remain the focus of her mother's attentions and probably have her life restricted as a result. I am not sure what is sadder really.

exoticfruits · 23/12/2011 11:45

And OP will be quite oblivious because she is 'devoted' to her DC and won't be able to understand where she went wrong. (a good reason for listening now)

katkitya · 23/12/2011 12:02

My friends daughter got visited at uni 300 miles away every single weekend, she was phoned three times a day and got told off if she wasnt there to answer her phone, when she failed her course her parents were so pleased that they could have her back home again, even though the uni begged her to retake the year, she now lives at home jobless and they are encouraging her to go to a college where she can still live at home. Shes 25 Sad

BigBaubledBertha · 23/12/2011 12:55

katkitya, that strikes me as tantamount to emotional abuse.

I think that story is actually worse than the OP's!!!

edam · 23/12/2011 12:59

I suspect either OP has stalked off in disgust because MN doesn't quite appreciate how special her bond with her dd is. Or has namechanged!

EndoplasmicReticulum · 23/12/2011 13:24

Katkitya I know someone like that too - her parents and grandparents would go and visit for the weekend at uni every fortnight, she'd go home on the weekends in between. Needless to say she moved home after uni, and is still there aged 30. I didn't see my parents unless I went home in the holidays.

katkitya · 23/12/2011 16:25

Bloody technology is partly to blame for that. I only rang home if I could afford it. No-one even dropped me at the train station!! It's totally unhealthy. She never needed to get a loan, as they paid for everything. If she went on a nIght out her mother wanted to know how she'd done her hair, what shoes she was wearing etc and then when the poor girl was out they would be texting each other all night long. I dont know what her uni friends mustve thought.

exoticfruits · 23/12/2011 17:03

She will end up like one poor poster on here, who was incapable of independent life, the parents had made sure that she couldn't operate in the outside world without them.She was very sad and very annoyed that she was reduced to that state and hadn't rebelled early on.

katkitya · 23/12/2011 18:58

Its bizarre how my friend talks about her, like its the most normal form of parenting in the world.

KeepInMindItsAlmostChristmas · 23/12/2011 19:06

Sooory but not only are you unreasonable but you are a bit odd

exoticfruits · 23/12/2011 19:07

It is because her mother is 'devoted' and sees it as a good thing rather than dysfunctional.

exoticfruits · 23/12/2011 19:07

In reply to katkitya

exoticfruits · 23/12/2011 19:08

The term has now finished-is OP ever coming back to say what happened next?

BigBaubledBertha · 23/12/2011 20:57

I kinda get the feeling she won't be back - she'll be at home feeling very superior that she is such a great mother and we are all a disgrace because we wouldn't behave like her. I doubt she will see sense and realise the error of her ways. I reckon her DD will be on the stately home threads in about 20 years from now.

I wonder who she normally is as she clearly has a Christmas name change!

Whatmeworry · 23/12/2011 21:01

OP cpme back...doubt it. IMO this was a windup.

Appuskidu · 23/12/2011 21:29

Id also be asking, why no one was there in her class, and why she was there with a bunch of older girls.

Yes, Altinkum, but most of us would be asking this BEFORE we'd agreed for our child to go!

This OP (if she is real) sounds like this isn't the first time she has pissed off the teacher. She also sounds like she doesn't actually want to be with her daughter much (netball weekends before they are 9/10/residentials just before Christmas) yet has nothing else do do except criticise those who are looking after her from a distance. What a fantastic role-model you are for your daugter; I'm sure she will grow up into a superbly well-rounded individual...

nappysan · 20/02/2012 20:41

Are you planning on staying at the school?

Would you prefer to home- school?

Swipe left for the next trending thread