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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is weird that the PIL are going out xmas eve just as we are arriving?

371 replies

choceyes · 20/12/2011 11:09

Going down to my in-laws on christmas eve. It is a 5 hour journey, so they live quite far away so don't see the kids much (maybe 5/6 times a year). We are going by train with two DCs, 3yrs and 16 months. Will probably be tired by the time we get there. Would have been nice if the in-laws were there to entertain and put at least DS to bed.
Now we don't mind putting them to bed etc, but I'm finding it strange that every year (we have been every year since DS was born, so this is the 4th year), we get there on christmas eve and they go out that evening to see friends.

They really want the kids there (they say) and get upset if it is suggested we don't come down, so I dunno..I find it a bit strange.

We are arriving at about 5pm, and apprently they can't meet us at the train station, which is nearly half an hour walk away, as they will be out already. Can't get a taxi as no car seats with us and there are no black cabs there either ( a small town).

I know they have their own lives and I don't care if they are there or not really as I don't particuarly get on well with them, and I can just crash outon the sofa and watch a film/read a book without having to make small talk.

I just find it a bit strange....AIBU? (totaly prepared to be told I am)

OP posts:
Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 14:02

agreed Callmemrs!

no she's not allergic. she goes to nursery, so I hope not.

OP posts:
bemybebe · 20/12/2011 14:02

"we were thinking it would be break for us too, as they could look after the LOs while we go to the pub or something like that. We hardly ever get any family babysitting so we are kind of desparate for some us time."

so OP, really, this is all about free childcare...when you are enjoying the pub on your own
...i see...

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 14:02

callme - I don't recall any other "after free babysitting by stealth" threads. Is it a classic - like Fruitshoots and P &C parking spaces?

ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 14:04

Just think, OP, if you're really lucky, the PiLs will have stinking viruses that you will bring home with you as a memento of your stay as we just have Angry

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 14:04

so OP, really, this is all about free childcare...when you are enjoying the pub on your own
...i see...

when did I say it was ALL about free childcare?

and what is so wrong in going to the pub on our own whilst their GPS look after our DCs?

OP posts:
JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 14:05

But I do agree on one thing. Don't go. They don't seem to be very bothered about you.

weblette · 20/12/2011 14:06

Sorry OP but going to all that trouble for some time off is rather daft, and tbh if the PIL realise that's what you're doing it won't really help. Christmas is absolutely the last time of year I'd think about doing that.

I do get the 'no family nearby' thing, we're in a similar situation in that respect but there must be someone local who could do a bit of babysitting.

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 14:07

It's all about free childcare because the world of AIBU is very black and white. And when we have come to the conclusion that you are wrong about one thing, we must invent many and varied ways to back that up further......

bemybebe · 20/12/2011 14:08

"when did I say it was ALL about free childcare?"
because non of your other grievances make sense especially the taxi issue (30min walk is 5min drive max, so safety or tears are not really an issue, sorry)

"and what is so wrong in going to the pub on our own whilst their GPS look after our DCs?"
not wrong at all, expecting it is wrong though and throwing a hissy about IL seeing their friends, so that you cannot dump your lo on them to go to the pub is wrong

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 14:09

We are really not going there for the babysitting..honestly. It would just be nice if we could get an evening out to ourselves, but we don't expect it. The main reason we are going is for the children to spend some time with their GPs and for GPs (god knows why) to be able to spend some times with their only grandchildren.

OP posts:
Haziedoll · 20/12/2011 14:10

I'm not quite sure why the OP is being given such a hard time.

OP, next year have Christmas on your own and see extended family for new year or before Christmas. Children tend to prefer Christmas in their own home as they get older.

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 14:10

I don't think she has "thrown a hissy". She's been very calm and answered point by point. I think she's a bit put out that her IL don't put as much thought into things as she believes is reasonable to expect.

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 14:11

Jamie - the whole thing is wrong on so many levels! Kids have to get pressies early and then leave then at home. One child screams the whole way so can't travel by car. Oh and the minor detail that the op doesn't actually like the in laws and their attitudes.
Just stay home!

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 14:11

we wouldn't have "dumped" our DCs on them and gone to the pub on the same evening as we got there anyway (it would be rude), so it makes no difference to our plans to go out.

OP posts:
JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 14:12

Is that a gavel then callme? Grin

MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 14:12

Oh gawd don't tell me, your dd is allergic to non-family babysitters

Oh callmemrs, that is so not fair, for your information, Allergys against non family members is a serious issue, It is very TRAUMATIC for all involved. Xmas Grin

weblette · 20/12/2011 14:15

Any other time of year OP I'd say no problem with that whatsoever, of course they should have time with GPs. But if the GPs have their own Christmas routines you're on a hiding to nothing.

bemybebe · 20/12/2011 14:17

OP, do you think your IL are unreasonable to go out for the evening of your arrival but it would be very reasonable for them to babysit whilst you go out for the same very evening?

I have no problem with either btw, I am just puzzled why you think the first is wrong whilst the second is perfectly ok.

ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 14:18

Interesting they're their only GCs, OP, I was going to ask if your DH had any siblings. Does your MiL host anyone else on Christmas day?

If anything, this adds weight to their obligation to visit you for Christmas. No doubt this would not be commensurate with their Xmas Eve social plans, but if not, then that's really tough tits. If you put it to them that next year, you plan to celebrate Christmas at home and of course they are welcome to join you, its highly likely that they will decline, but sadly that will show how highly they prioritise their GCs. If they were steadfast about it, I would suggest them travelling on Christmas Day. Its far preferable to Christmas Eve as the roads are clearer. That's what DP and I used to do before I put my foot down about Xmas with the PiLs and the journey that takes around 4 hours on Christmas Eve takes only 2 on Christmas Day.

You say you like to see your own parents wile you're in the south, but seeing as they're not celebrating Christmas, its not likely to be an issue if you see them some other time.

Time for a big Christmas rethink, methinks.

Haziedoll · 20/12/2011 14:18

The OP wasn't intending to go out that very evening.

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 14:19

Christmas routines that hopefully involve their grandkids...I hope.

you know the more i think about it, it is sounding more and more like a bad idea. hmmm....WIBU to just head straight to my parents home instead? But I know DH wouldn't like that.

OP posts:
ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 14:22

I know you're only joking about that, but yes, that WBU!! Its Too late now. Your MiL will FREAK if you bow out at this stage and look at it from the PoV of her potential AIBU thread, we'd all say you as the DiL was BU. (acronym-tastic there)

But its not too late to change your DCs christmas traditions, starting next year.

SusanneLinder · 20/12/2011 14:23

I love my grandson to bits (it helps I see him at least twice a week), and help out with babysitting etc, but me and DH are going out on New Years Eve.We are having a NYE dinner all together, and then we are going out after midnight.Just DH and I , and youngest teenage DD. Others DD's have their own arrangements.

According to this thread, I am obviously a selfish biatch who should be offering to babysit my DGC and stay in with Jools Holland :o (joking,honest)

bemybebe · 20/12/2011 14:23

"The OP wasn't intending to go out that very evening."

I think it was.

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 14:24

Does your MiL host anyone else on Christmas day?

Not sure. Sometimes she invites her 2 sisters and their families over but in the last couple of years they have fallen out so not being doing that.
DH has a brother (the one that is 11yrs younger) who is Uni in the same city that we live in, so he is travelling down too (not with us), and DH's sister lives on the other side of the world, so will not be there for christmas.
Yes it sounds riidiculous now that you put it like that, me, DH, both kids, BIL all travelling down there for christmas. Although BIL is there for 3 weeks not 3 days like us.

OP posts: