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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is weird that the PIL are going out xmas eve just as we are arriving?

371 replies

choceyes · 20/12/2011 11:09

Going down to my in-laws on christmas eve. It is a 5 hour journey, so they live quite far away so don't see the kids much (maybe 5/6 times a year). We are going by train with two DCs, 3yrs and 16 months. Will probably be tired by the time we get there. Would have been nice if the in-laws were there to entertain and put at least DS to bed.
Now we don't mind putting them to bed etc, but I'm finding it strange that every year (we have been every year since DS was born, so this is the 4th year), we get there on christmas eve and they go out that evening to see friends.

They really want the kids there (they say) and get upset if it is suggested we don't come down, so I dunno..I find it a bit strange.

We are arriving at about 5pm, and apprently they can't meet us at the train station, which is nearly half an hour walk away, as they will be out already. Can't get a taxi as no car seats with us and there are no black cabs there either ( a small town).

I know they have their own lives and I don't care if they are there or not really as I don't particuarly get on well with them, and I can just crash outon the sofa and watch a film/read a book without having to make small talk.

I just find it a bit strange....AIBU? (totaly prepared to be told I am)

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 13:46

8Well, after driving round rural France for a month, yes I would probably risk the car Journey at Xmas!

Driving around rural france you can stop and start whenever you like. Take the child out of the car seat if she is particularly upset as the roads are much quieter its less riskier. None of these things you can do on the motorway going down from the north to the south of england8.

How strange, Have service stations ceased to exist in the UK now?

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 13:47

Yes it will be a nightmare. Last time there were arguments too. argh...don't want to go now. Haven't thought this through properly have I?

OP posts:
tethersjinglebellend · 20/12/2011 13:49

MrSpoc, if you want them to go so badly, perhaps you could drive them up there? Grin

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 13:49

No they haven't ceased to exist MrSpoc, but to my knowledge they are somewhat spaced out, so hardly able to stop start whenever we like is it Hmm

And would you take a child out of their car seat on the motorway? I wouldn't.

OP posts:
weblette · 20/12/2011 13:50

Op honestly, what's so bad about spending Christmas with just the four of you? I adored our early ones with the dcs, starting our own traditions, doing it all our way, not worrying about the dcs having to be on their best behaviour all day.

You can make it a completely spoiley day just suiting yourselves without having to worry about the PILs.

Go for it!!

MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 13:50

Not a chance. Op is far to precious. Im sure her chodren will cry at my music.

MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 13:51

Spced out, you mean every 15 miles = every 15 minutes. Gotcha

ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 13:51

Well you seem happy enough with the journey, which is your prerogative (I'd sooner stick pins in my eyes but there you go). You've a solution for getting from the station, you state that your DS will enjoy it, you don't have an alternative option in the form of Christmas with your own parents, you manage to endure the PiLs via the medium of nose-in-book and you're not keen yourself on the idea of Christmas in your own home.

Sooooooo.......

This brings us back to the original grievance of the absence of the PiLs on your arrival. In light of the rest of the thread, this appears to be the one highlight of the trip. I'd be raiding the posh alcohol supply (that PiL hides in the garage - I ask you?!) and enjoying all sorts of crap on TV that we don't get to watch when they're there.

Given all that, really, there is no issue here!

MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 13:51

Yes i would at the motorway service station. (THAT IS A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE STOP AND HAVE LUNCH).

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 13:52

Tethers- but youve forgotten - one child is car phobic! Praps spoc could take dad, the ds and pressies and op and toddler can do their leisurely hassle free train journey Xmas Grin

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 13:52

weblatte - we were thinking it would be break for us too, as they could look after the LOs while we go to the pub or something like that. We hardly ever get any family babysitting so we are kind of desparate for some us time.

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 13:54

Ah gotcha, your really pissed off because they are going out and its stopping you from going out instead.

ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 13:55

God if it boiled down to that OP, I'd sooner pay astronomical rates for holiday babysitting than put myself through Choceyes Christmas Ordeal

reup · 20/12/2011 13:55

I think it's really rude for them not to meet you or be there in the eve. My brother did this to me several times and I hated it.

But I think it's terrible sad that you think an Xmas with just the 4 of you will be lonely. It's my idea of heaven. I like the idea of a big family Xmas but only if I like the people and I wouldn't get left on my own eating lunch cos they were so desperate for a walk.

Haziedoll · 20/12/2011 13:55

I don't think YABU but I don't think they are either. They are probably quite set in their ways and see Christmas Eve as their adult time, they probably think that you would prefer time on your own to settle in. However it is rude that they aren't collecting you from the station, unless of course they can't fit you all in the car or don't have car seats for the children.

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 13:56

Mrspoc - look. even if my DD was happy in the car I still would travel by train. It is cheaper, faster, more enjoyable, less stressful for everyone.

OP posts:
JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 13:57

This is like some sort of "trip the OP up exercise" for you, is it. MrSpoc"

Gipfeli · 20/12/2011 13:57

Look the car thing - many people manage fine without one. I'm with the OP - train journey plus walk perfectly achievable, no trouble at all. That kind of thing is commonplace where I live. As is having small children who scream in the car since they are not used to it and don?t much like it. The approach to dealing with that ?problem? here is to wait until the child gets older and is more used to it. If travelling by car is not a necessary requirement of your life there?s absolutely no reason at all to do anything about it.

I think it?s difficult for people who are very reliant on their cars, or just accustomed to driving all the time to imagine life differently.

To original question ? you?re right it?s weird, but you know you?re better off this way Grin

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 13:57

typos. You get the gist.

MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 13:58

Op i havent gone on about the car but more about your mytr'ism. So i dont understand your last response.

Rinkadinkpink · 20/12/2011 13:58

-oops remembers such things dont exist

Rinkadinkpink · 20/12/2011 13:59

Great minds mrspoc

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 13:59

Yeap.. Another 'after free babysitting by stealth' thread!

You really do not have to do a 5 hour journey and spend xmas with annoying relatives to be able to have a night out with your dh. Stay home and pay a local babysitter like the rest of us.

Oh gawd don't tell me, your dd is allergic to non-family babysitters..... Xmas Grin

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 14:00

God if it boiled down to that OP, I'd sooner pay astronomical rates for holiday babysitting than put myself through Choceyes Christmas Ordeal

Yep! starting to think that too!

OP posts:
JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 14:00

martyrdom.

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