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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is weird that the PIL are going out xmas eve just as we are arriving?

371 replies

choceyes · 20/12/2011 11:09

Going down to my in-laws on christmas eve. It is a 5 hour journey, so they live quite far away so don't see the kids much (maybe 5/6 times a year). We are going by train with two DCs, 3yrs and 16 months. Will probably be tired by the time we get there. Would have been nice if the in-laws were there to entertain and put at least DS to bed.
Now we don't mind putting them to bed etc, but I'm finding it strange that every year (we have been every year since DS was born, so this is the 4th year), we get there on christmas eve and they go out that evening to see friends.

They really want the kids there (they say) and get upset if it is suggested we don't come down, so I dunno..I find it a bit strange.

We are arriving at about 5pm, and apprently they can't meet us at the train station, which is nearly half an hour walk away, as they will be out already. Can't get a taxi as no car seats with us and there are no black cabs there either ( a small town).

I know they have their own lives and I don't care if they are there or not really as I don't particuarly get on well with them, and I can just crash outon the sofa and watch a film/read a book without having to make small talk.

I just find it a bit strange....AIBU? (totaly prepared to be told I am)

OP posts:
Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 13:13

take him for a walk, not wake him...

OP posts:
LEttletownofBOFlehem · 20/12/2011 13:14

Oh, I don't care really- it's up to you, obviously. I hope you have a nice Christmas anyway.

crunchbag · 20/12/2011 13:14

oh and sweetsantababy ' or should Dcs be seen and not heard?' how I wish sometimes, it would be so nice and peaceful :o Xmas Grin

GlueSticksEverywhere · 20/12/2011 13:17

choceyes Because she just does!! We were in france for a month this summer and totally reliant on a car as it was in a rural area. Totally ruined it for us, as we couldn't go anywhere without DD crying whenever she was put in the car. We had to time all journies for her sleep times. and sometimes we had to do journies which took longer than she was capable of napping and the rest of the time I had to sit in the back, entertaining her to stop her from crying, or juggling her on my lap (I know, not good getting her out of the car seat but, otherwise she would scream and vomit). She is not a good traveller! Even cries in a black cab!

Mine used to be like that. She is now 5 and has grown out of it. Yipee!

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 13:20

16 months to 3 years is about the age when my kids had the bulkiest Xmas pressies- ride on toys, trikes, dolls houses etc
Do you take all these by train? Or do you end up having to 'do' Christmas when you get back?
Genuinely intrigued as to why you are putting yourselves through it all

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 13:21

Honest to god I would hire a car and buy earplugs

Sorry but that is horrible! YOu would really let your child scream for what might be hours, and you think that is OK as long as you can't hear them?? I love my child, I don't want to put her through that...is that so hard to understand? She is only little and like this maybe for a year or two. Such a small time in the grand scheme of things. I am willing to make allowances for her for this short time. Especially as there is a much better alternative!

Presents from us will be opened before we go down, so not taking anything down.

OP posts:
coraltoes · 20/12/2011 13:22

Why the fuck are people getting so het up about the OP not having a car?! You know some people don't need them, right? HEnce the existence of public transport. As a result of no car it is hardly a shock that her dd doesn't like car seats. For all of you willing to drive five hours with a screaming kid in the back, well what lovely parenting, how nice to make a child suffer for your own desires. Five hours of howling would drive me mental and probably make me a distracted and dangerous driver. I think the OP has it right.

OP your in laws sound like fucking sproutheads. Why in gods name you spend Christmas with them is beyond me. But as YOU seem to be the one who wants to, not even your DH...well you brought it on yourself.

ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 13:23

OP, do your DCs enjoy the train trip/staying at Granny & Granddad's?

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 20/12/2011 13:23

All sounds like too much hassle to me!

ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 13:23

SPROUTHEADS

!

coraltoes · 20/12/2011 13:23

Presents opened early?! Just so you can spend Xmas with those shitheads?!?!?! Your poor kids.

coraltoes · 20/12/2011 13:24

Festive insults vivi! I've got a few...

OhCobblers · 20/12/2011 13:26

OP have you spent the last 4 years with them on Xmas Eve/Xmas Day or "a part of the Xmas period"?
If the former is the case why have you not been to your own parents twice in those 4 years, ie, alternating like most people i know?

I'm afraid i would be utterly pissed off if my inlaws behaved like this (thank god they wouldn't) and they certainly wouldn't be having us 4 years in a row when my own parents have a much more relaxing and happier atmosphere to be in.

ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 13:26

I wish you'd have shared the wealth prior to my annual pre-christmas sojourn with the out in-laws, coral.....

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 13:28

Well, after driving round rural France for a month, yes I would probably risk the car Journey at Xmas! Especially as you have said you time journeys around your child's sleeps

And having read that the poor kids have to open their presents early and then be told 'you can't play with them for 3 days because we're off to the in laws' - I'm sure the kids would rather travel by car too! Certainly the poor 3 yr old who will be massively excited by his new toys and will then have to leave them at home

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 13:32

OP, do your DCs enjoy the train trip/staying at Granny & Granddad's?
Yes they will. Especially my DS. He loves his grandad in particular.

Presents opened early?! Just so you can spend Xmas with those shitheads?!?!?! Your poor kids.
I don't think they'd care to be honest, as long as they got presents! DD certainly won't care at 16 months and DS would be more than happy to have 2 christmass i'm sure and two days of opening presents.

OP have you spent the last 4 years with them on Xmas Eve/Xmas Day or "a part of the Xmas period"?
If the former is the case why have you not been to your own parents twice in those 4 years, ie, alternating like most people i know?
My family are buddist, so they don't really have a culture of celebrating christmas, so it holds no significance for them. I'm also an only child so no big family gatherings will siblings etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 13:34

Well, after driving round rural France for a month, yes I would probably risk the car Journey at Xmas!

Driving around rural france you can stop and start whenever you like. Take the child out of the car seat if she is particularly upset as the roads are much quieter its less riskier. None of these things you can do on the motorway going down from the north to the south of england,

OP posts:
callmemrs · 20/12/2011 13:35

It all sounds a logistical nightmare. I'd stay home.

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 13:38

it's not really a logistical nightmare. Get on train. Sit on train. Change trains. Get on another train. Walk half an hour. It's not that complicated. My AIBU was that I found it strange that my in-laws would't be there to welcome us.

but yes I am having doubts about going there, not because of the journey but the attitude of my in-laws.

OP posts:
GlueSticksEverywhere · 20/12/2011 13:40

I think you're being very nice to go even though it's really tricky for you to get there. You don't have to put yourself through it though. Have you talked about the possibility of staying at home?

SixtyFootDoll · 20/12/2011 13:41

I would much rather stay at home in the circumstances you describe.

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 13:42

Ah right, your op expressed concern that they wouldn't be at the station to meet you. It now transpires that you don't actually like the inlaws much and don't want to spend Xmas there.
That's another issue entirely.
As most people have said- stop going and have your own family Xmas

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 13:43

I would be portrayed as the controlling DIL I'm sure, if we decided not to go at this late stage. They already think this anyway though, so perhaps it might be for the best anyway. hmmm.

OP posts:
tethersjinglebellend · 20/12/2011 13:44

It does sound like a nightmare, though.

OhCobblers · 20/12/2011 13:45

yup, in that case i would certainly stay at home next year and suggest they visit/stay with you (if you have room?). if they argue the toss then suggest as its been the last 5 years with them, which it will be after this year, then its really time your kids had xmas in their own home. If they don't want to join you then that really is their problem.

by the way OP you are allowed to have fun at Xmas too - its not ALWAYS about the children!! Xmas Smile