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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to do a 50 mile round trip to somewhere i dont know to fetch drunk DH

149 replies

Bethshine82 · 19/12/2011 16:38

DY wants me to fetch him from his office party on Friday night at about 8pm (it goes on all day). It's somewhere I don't know and is a 50 mile round trip and I will have 2 year old DS who usually goes to bed at 7 at latest.
He doesn't want to get a taxi as apparently would be about fifty pounds, although he could afford this.
I don't want to fetch him as DS is a nightmare to get to sleep if he is overtired and I hate driving places I don't know especially at night. It scares me. DH is sulking. He said he'd just get a taxi and then take one of ny Christmas presents back to pay for it. Or he'd stay at his mom's.
Basically he will be very drunk too and I'm not wild about this either as he will be loud and annoying.

AIBU to just think pay for a taxi?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bethshine82 · 19/12/2011 16:38

DH not DY!

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 19/12/2011 16:39

Tell him to stuff his Christmas present, get a taxi or stay at his mother's house. You have every reason not to be turning out to pick up a drunk. He has no excuse whatsoever for expecting you to.

Scootergrrrl · 19/12/2011 16:39

Let him stay at his mum's so she can have the pleasure of a drunken idiot at night and a hungover stinky one in the morning. Job done. However, he does sound a bit of an eejit, tbh.

2kidsintow · 19/12/2011 16:41

I agree with getting him to stay at his Mum's. £50 is a lot to spend on a taxi and it would be better to keep him in his sozzled state (and his hungover state the next morning) away from you and your little one.

That's if his Mum will have him!

WorraLiberty · 19/12/2011 16:41

OMG what a big kid! Grin

Tell him to stay at his Mum's if she'll have him.

cestlavielife · 19/12/2011 16:42

no, you and Ds come first - he gets a nite out; his problem.

he pays for taxi or stays at his mothers .

end of.

if he "takes it from your xmas pressie" he is a twat.

hellhasnofury · 19/12/2011 16:43

Tell him to go to his mum's. I don't mind driving in the dark or in unknown places but drunken people scare me rigid.

ginnybag · 19/12/2011 16:44

So, your DP wants to go on an all day bender, and is having a whine because you won't disrupt your toddler's bedtime to go and fetch him?

YANBU.

It would be fair enough, I think, to suggest you save (the household) £50 if it were just you, but it's not on to cause issues for your toddler, who won't understand, just because it's more convenient for your DP.

If he can afford the party, he can afford to get himself home. Dare I suggest public transport??

Also, saying he'll take back one of your presents really does make him sound an over-entitled knob!!

HarrietSchulenberg · 19/12/2011 16:45

He can stay at his mum's, or if he wants to come home he'll just have to not drink.
Ex H always used to stay at his mum's then turn up at about 5pm next day looking rough. So he effectively had 2 days away from us whenever he went out with work (not just at Christmas, it was at any time when they all went out). When I ever went out with work I had to stay sober and drive home, as I wanted to be with my family in the morning. I never could see why he couldn't do the same but apparently I'm very unreasonable about these things.

DeeOfTheNorthPole · 19/12/2011 16:47

Tell him to stay at his mum's. Alternatively if he wants picking up at 8, isn't there a train or something he could get home instead of a taxi?

BluddyMoFo · 19/12/2011 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth · 19/12/2011 16:48

What time does he propose you get there to pick him up?

Nanny0gg · 19/12/2011 16:54

I hate driving at night.
I hate driving to places I don't know, especially at night.
I hate drunks.

I would not combine any of the above with a tired and cranky toddler just before Christmas.

He has options. Let him choose one.

And as for the Christmas present - tell him to shove all of them if they're only in exchange for 'favours'.

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 19/12/2011 16:55

No, I didn't think I was BU, but then he sulks and I end up feeling bad! I am not pleased that it is on the 23rd either as we usually have Christmas eve as the only day to ourselves over Christmas and I do a lunch but now he will be hungover all day. Or at his mom's until mid afternoon as will be over the limit for quite some time.
He starts up with 'you never do anything for me,' (which is a lie) and then I start to feel bad. It is a regular pattern. Then I give in and he's nice as pie again. I'm only holding firm on this one because it affects DS and also am genuinely afraid of driving at night to unknown places. Am a wimp like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bethshine82 · 19/12/2011 16:56

Well I don't drink so always make my own way back from things. I used to pick him up more pre DS. He also said if I don't fetch him he will stop much later and then our Christmas eve will be ruined because he will be so ill next day. I did suggest drinking less but apparently not an option.

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 19/12/2011 16:58

I'm assuming this charmless oaf has some redeeming qualities? Because I'd tolerate precisely NONE of this nonsense.

AFuckingFestiveKnackeredWoman · 19/12/2011 17:00

Take back all his presents and buy yourself something nice!

toddlerama · 19/12/2011 17:05

I would probably pick DH up because £50 is £50, however after you've said 'no', his behaviour has been appalling! What a brat! He can walk. To say he'll return your christmas presents?? I wouldn't want them at all after that little gem.

SantasENormaSnob · 19/12/2011 17:08

Yanbu but I would do this for my dh, as he would for me.

I would be pissed off that this party is the 23rd though.

Will he be rough all Xmas eve?

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 19/12/2011 17:08

It'll cost me a fair bit in petrol anyway as a round trip. Which DH won't contribute to so if I fetch him he's a winner in every way.
I'm annoyed but feel guilty and it is annoying me that I feel guilty!

OP posts:
DeckTheHugeWithBoughsOfManatee · 19/12/2011 17:10

YABU about driving in the dark, but not about keeping a toddler up to do it.

Tell him if he wants you to pick him up then it needs to fit in with DS' bedtime. Then set the pickup time to suit you and DS.

If he wants to stay out later and play, then he can sodding well get a taxi.

squeakytoy · 19/12/2011 17:11

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Its HIS party, and HIS problem how he gets home.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 19/12/2011 17:13

Tell me, why are you with him?

Pandemoniaa · 19/12/2011 17:13

I can't really see what you have to feel guilty about, OP. You would be doing him a great favour and given the circumstances, it's not really practical is it? If he can afford a taxi then he should get one.

BalloonSlayer · 19/12/2011 17:13

"He said he'd just get a taxi and then take one of ny Christmas presents back to pay for it."

Seriously Shock

He expects to go out on all all-day drinking session, then you to spend your own money on petrol driving to pick him up, disrupting your DS's sleep - presumably he will be too pissed to help settle him - and if you refuse to comply with this he will punish you by returning your Christmas present?

What an utter turd.