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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to do a 50 mile round trip to somewhere i dont know to fetch drunk DH

149 replies

Bethshine82 · 19/12/2011 16:38

DY wants me to fetch him from his office party on Friday night at about 8pm (it goes on all day). It's somewhere I don't know and is a 50 mile round trip and I will have 2 year old DS who usually goes to bed at 7 at latest.
He doesn't want to get a taxi as apparently would be about fifty pounds, although he could afford this.
I don't want to fetch him as DS is a nightmare to get to sleep if he is overtired and I hate driving places I don't know especially at night. It scares me. DH is sulking. He said he'd just get a taxi and then take one of ny Christmas presents back to pay for it. Or he'd stay at his mom's.
Basically he will be very drunk too and I'm not wild about this either as he will be loud and annoying.

AIBU to just think pay for a taxi?!

OP posts:
ISayHolmes · 19/12/2011 17:13

"He starts up with 'you never do anything for me,' (which is a lie) and then I start to feel bad. It is a regular pattern. Then I give in and he's nice as pie again."

Have you told him that you know he uses this as a line to get you to do things? Because he needs to hear it, because otherwise it'll keep on coming up and he'll believe he's actually hard done by. Put a stop to that line, it shits all over the stuff you DO do for him!

toddlerama · 19/12/2011 17:13

Ah, we share all the money so it would 'save' us £50, not him. Would he pay for your petrol or just expect you to cover it?

PopcornMouseInAReindeerJumper · 19/12/2011 17:14

Omg, how old is he?!! I'd tell him to stick his present Xmas Angry

YANBU.

Nanny0gg · 19/12/2011 17:17

So it's pretty much going to spoil your Christmas whatever you do?
Stay home, return his presents and tell him to shove the ones he's bought you.

pot39 · 19/12/2011 17:20

tell him to get a taxi. if he can't afford one then he shouldn't go. Make sure he pays out of his money or get his parents to pay or he can ask his parents to pick him up then he might realise how childish and selfish he is being. (we don't have his and hers money just money or lack of it but I still wouldn't pick him up and HE WOULDN'T even THINK of asking me).

worldgonecrazy · 19/12/2011 17:24

Your relationship seems quite sad to me - sorry, that's not your question but it stands out like a sore thumb.

So you have a sulky DH who threatens to take back presents if you don't do what he wants? He is willing to sacrifice your one day together (Christmas Eve) for the sake of a hangover? He won't give you the money for petrol - you don't have any shared finance?

If he can afford it then I'd tell him to get a taxi. As a one off I'd go and pick him up but I'm not scared of driving in the dark and I know my DD would just fall asleep in the car and not wake up so no harm done.

Would I be right in thinking there are wider issues here than just a Christmas party?

TheFallenMadonna · 19/12/2011 17:24

I'd pick up my DH, as in fact he did me after my work party.

That said, his response to you was really objectionable.

slavetofilofax · 19/12/2011 17:25

He is BU to say that he would take one of your presents back to pay for it. That makes him a complete twat.

But him asking you to pick him up, even though it wiill be dark and you will have ds is a reasonable request. YABU for not wanting to drive to unknown places in the dark.

People who can't drive at night and who can't follow signposts should not have driving licences.

clam · 19/12/2011 17:28

Hmm, I was about to say YABU because DH and I always pick each other up from Christmas dos, much later than 8pm as well. But then I don't have an issue with driving at night, or toddlers to deal with.
And then I read about what a tosser yours has been since and I'd say tell him to shove it.
And what's with the his/hers money?

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/12/2011 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Laquitar · 19/12/2011 17:30

What his colegues are going to do? Maybe they can share cab or he sleeps at theirs or at his mum's.

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 19/12/2011 17:31

We don't have a joint bank account.
I am a sahm, he gives me some money each month. This also causes problems as he then says all money is his, so I know if I said about petrol his reaction would be to say that he gives me money each month anyway.
I am fine driving in day or at night if no where I am going. I can see and follow signs. I just panic. I know it is ridiculous, but I can't help it. I'm even ok if I have a passenger with me but driving in heavy traffic at night with a grumpy DS just fills me with fear. I know I'm a bit useless.

OP posts:
crunchbag · 19/12/2011 17:33

Because of his reactions (presents, sulking, you paying for petrol) YANBU.

Normally I wouldn't have seen picking him up as a problem, in your case I would make him walk!

MyBestBauble · 19/12/2011 17:33

at first, i thought you were BU (it's just one night, it's only 8pm so not too late, a one off, wouldn't you like him to do a favour for you) until the part about taking back one of your presents - Xmas Shock YANBU! I would have told him to stick the present up his arse and round the corner!

FioFio · 19/12/2011 17:34

would he do the same for you?

I tend to do things for my husband if I know he would do the same for me iykwim, as we are equals innit Wink

He would never pick me up of an evening though and vice versa as it would be a pita

AliBellandthe40jingles · 19/12/2011 17:34

He sounds horrible, and he also sounds like he doesn't love you.

Chestnutx3 · 19/12/2011 17:35

Its only 8pm what about public transport to at least nearer you?

slavetofilofax · 19/12/2011 17:35

Ok, I take my first post back, you are not useless!

But your dh has probably made you feel like you are, because he obvioulsy doesn't appreciate anything you do.

He sounds horrible.

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/12/2011 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanny0gg · 19/12/2011 17:35

You're not useless. It is not an ideal scenario at the best of times, but with a toddler in the back it's just not on.

And any husband/partner that thinks all the money is 'his' is more than an arse imo.

AliBellandthe40jingles · 19/12/2011 17:36

Beth this is not about you being afraid to drive. It is about the fact that you are married to a total tosser who appears to be emotionally and financially abusing you.

I would absolutely not stand for any of this shit. Tell him he pays his wages into an account that you both have access to.

scentednappyhag · 19/12/2011 17:37

If you don't do what he wants, he will punish you by taking back presents, and stay out later and get more drunk- punishing you and DC by spoiling your Christmas eve?
Knob-gobbling wank rag.
YADefinitely and in no wayBU.

ISayHolmes · 19/12/2011 17:38

You are NOT useless. If you're nervous about driving at night then you shouldn't do it unless you have to, and you shouldn't have to take your son with you as well. It's the height of selfishness to pressure you to do those things irrespective of how you feel. He does sound like an utter twat and a complete child..sulking, returning presents, claiming all the family's money is his. King Knob, give him a crown and bow down to him in all his glory.

AFuckingFestiveKnackeredWoman · 19/12/2011 17:39

Knob-gobbling wank rag- this might be my next name changeXmas Grin

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/12/2011 17:40

He sounds borderline abusive and I am not normally one to jump to that. It all appears really manipulative. What do your friends and family think about this (and him in general?) .