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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to do a 50 mile round trip to somewhere i dont know to fetch drunk DH

149 replies

Bethshine82 · 19/12/2011 16:38

DY wants me to fetch him from his office party on Friday night at about 8pm (it goes on all day). It's somewhere I don't know and is a 50 mile round trip and I will have 2 year old DS who usually goes to bed at 7 at latest.
He doesn't want to get a taxi as apparently would be about fifty pounds, although he could afford this.
I don't want to fetch him as DS is a nightmare to get to sleep if he is overtired and I hate driving places I don't know especially at night. It scares me. DH is sulking. He said he'd just get a taxi and then take one of ny Christmas presents back to pay for it. Or he'd stay at his mom's.
Basically he will be very drunk too and I'm not wild about this either as he will be loud and annoying.

AIBU to just think pay for a taxi?!

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 19/12/2011 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Insomnia11 · 19/12/2011 17:42

DH once phoned me to pick him up when he was (very, very) drunk as he missed his stop on the train. It would have been a 50 mile round trip and DD1 was about 2 then. I was like "WTF?" and said if he was sober he wouldn't be asking. I told him if he couldn't find a cab to ring me back and I would come and get him. He found a cab five minutes later. Hmm He turned a corner and there were about 5 taxi firms in a row - apparently they run a lucrative trade on drunk commuters missing their stop :) Expensive cab ride but he was fine and agreed the next day he had been rather daft.

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 19/12/2011 17:44

Mrsterrypratchett - they don't like him all that much.

OP posts:
Seona1973 · 19/12/2011 17:44

your lo would probably fall asleep in the car if it is after his usual bedtime. Tell him to buy you a TOMTOM and then you might consider it. I drove dh to his works night out 20+ miles away but then had to use the satnav in the car to get back home again. He was sharing a taxi with several others to get home afterwards as I have 2 kids and would not be taking them back out late at night (taxi was booked for 1am!)

QueenCess · 19/12/2011 17:46

Well tell him to get a taxi and take it out of his Christmas presents fund as this is for his benefit not yours.

YANBU lots of people hate driving in the dark. He could choose not to drink and drive himself home.

He sounds quite horrible actually.

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/12/2011 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scentednappyhag · 19/12/2011 17:47

FuckingFestive- I'll keep my eye out for you Wink
But seriously OP, I can't think of any redeeming features that would make being in a relationship with someone like this bearable.
You are not a child, a chauffeur, a child minder or doormat. You are a woman, a wife and an equal. If he makes you feel like anything less, you'd be better off without his bollock chops.

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 19/12/2011 17:47

He will go to sleep in car but then will wake up when we get back and cry for a long long time. I know this from experience. He has never been a child who would stay asleep and be carried to bed, even as a baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bethshine82 · 19/12/2011 17:50

No...I don't like him much either to be honest.

OP posts:
ChristinedePizaTinsel · 19/12/2011 17:53

I don't know a single decent person who would expect their wife/husband and toddler to drive a 50 mile round trip to collect them from a party.

Does he have any redeeming features?

Pagwatch · 19/12/2011 17:55

Just say no.
He is going out, he can get home on his own - he is a bloody grown up.

I can quite imagine circumstances where I would cheerfully offer to do this for dh because he is lovely. But if he started whining and using emotional blackmail, no way.
But then I would never be a sahm with a man who gave me pocket money.

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 19/12/2011 17:56

pagwatch that is not exactly how I expected it to pan out.

OP posts:
soandsosmummy · 19/12/2011 17:57

OP yanbU he is being completely unreasonable though. surely there are any number of possiblilities that do not involve you driving at night with a toddler 2 days before Christmas to pick up a drunk.

  1. he could stay with his mum
  2. he could ask a friend for a lift.
  3. He could book into a hotel
  4. He could get a taxi
  5. he could walk might sober him up
  6. public transport
  7. he could share a taxi with a friend to bring down the cost
  8. he could just not go.

YANBU he on the other hand sounds thoughtless and unthinking.

LIZS · 19/12/2011 18:02

yanbu He doesn't have to get drunk and at 8pm there will be trains, buses and taxis a-plenty. He needs to take responsibility for himself to organise getting himself home or go and be mummy's boy for the night.

PattySimcox · 19/12/2011 18:02

Yes I would do this for my DH but IIWY then no I would not.

Sounds like the night out itself is the least of your problems OP

Pagwatch · 19/12/2011 18:04

Life seldom is as we expect. But we all have lines in the sand. Pocket money is one of mine. I was never going to be a sahm either.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 19/12/2011 18:07

What a spoilt, entitled arsehole.

Punishing you because you won't bend over backwards to accommodate his every whim. I would tell him to stay at his mothers; not just for the one night but bloody well stay there permanently. What a cock.

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 19/12/2011 18:12

Well I don't see it as pocket money. I see it as my wage got staying home to look after DS. After all if I didn't do it we would pay someone to do it.
However I will admit that DH probably does not see it that way.

OP posts:
Ineedchristmascake · 19/12/2011 18:16

I really would not be going to fetch him, he wants to go, he wants to get drunk!!

He can find his own way home.

Have a lovely evening in with your feet upXmas Grin.

Pagwatch · 19/12/2011 18:18

Of course it isn't pocket money. He seeing it as pocket money is the problem.

I am not having a go at you. I am articulating the issues around his attitude to you. He is treating you like hurried help instead of his partner.

HoudiniHissy · 19/12/2011 18:19

He wants you to bundle up your 2yo in the middle of their sleep and set off on a 25m each way trip to come and pick his tipsy arse up?

he is well and truly taking the piss having a laugh!

Pagwatch · 19/12/2011 18:19

Hired help..

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 19/12/2011 18:23

I know pagwatch I know. I'm just not in a position to do much about it at the moment, I am biding my time.
Tbh he is often like this when he doesn't get his own way. I can think of a number of occasions when he has been like this or worse. I try not to ask him for anything because I don't want it thrown back at me, however the fact he bankrolls me is always there.
And I am the one who ends up giving in to him nine times out of ten. It is stupid I know, if i were having this conversation with a friend about their DH I'd tell them to get a grip.

OP posts:
Lexie1970 · 19/12/2011 18:26

TBH your husband sounds like an arse........

I would not be picking him up purely from the point of view that you have a toddler who is normally in bed at that time. Prior to having DS if DP wanted a lift after boozy night out I would always say no - just couldn't be faffed with having a drunken arse in the car criticising my driving and always thought that if you could spend x amount of £££ getting completely rat-arsed then you could spend the £££ getting a cab home. I relented one time 'cos he fell off a table, banged his head and took him to A&E and felt totally mortified as he was so drunk, was snoring in the cubicle and thought there had to be better use of NHS resources Grin

LEt him go to his mothers and don't even think about him - not worth the head space with his attitude!

Honestly, men and booze I have had a gutsful of DP being out every night whilst I sit in with just the telly and a large glass of wine!!!

diddl · 19/12/2011 18:26

If I had a young child to consider, my husband wouldn´t even ask me to do this.

If it was after work he would be driving in the car he had driven to work in, not drinking & driving home.