Nanny turned into Nanny for hell and a nutter (long sorry)

[scrummummy]

Have posted in childcare but thought I'd get more traffic here. Help

My DH sacked the nanny on wed, it was a last straw type moment. Many things led up to it ie taking them to her house every day, not telling who the children were coming into contact with and only find out from DD1 (5) or what DD2(3) said (ish). Going to McD every day and buying them chocolate and ice cream (ice cream is health cos it contains calcium was the answer) every day, even though we specifically asked for this not to happen. Slightly more important was late taking to and picking up for school (sometimes 30mins - 1hour late take and pick up). Finally, last two straws, spent Tuesday in hairdressers get hair cut coloured and washed with DD2 in the buggy for the whole time. Last straw, was on Wednesday left the house with no keys, didn't inform me until 1 hour before school pick-up - to my yahoo email while I was at work didn't phone my mobile or work number, didn't phone DH mobile or work number, I was lucky I checked my email during my late lunch. I immediately phoned her repeatedly with no answer. So left work to get to school for pick up, called DH, he left work cos I asked him to sack her there and then, so that she couldn't make up excuses and try to talk me out of it, he's strong at this than me.

Thanks if you've read this far, this is now when the "fun" starts.

She had left her bike at our house. My DH told her to come and collect it in an hours time, giving me the opportunity to get home and calm down. She didn't come and collect it. That evening DH rung her ask when she was going to collect the bike and she said the following day.

I'm at home the following day to look after DD1 & 2 as we now no-longer have child care. I asked DH to put the bike outside in front gated garden so I wouldn't have to talk to her when she turned up to collect it.At lunchtime I saw someone who looked very much like her take the bike.

Following day DH is at home looking after the children and a Taxi arrives, driver says he's come to collect a bike, DH says its been taken. Next DH gets a call from the police, making an enquiry on behalf of the Nanny as to where her bike is. While this is going on at home I'm getting email's demanding money for the bike. DH explains to the Police Officer that the bike was taken the previous day, by he assumed the Nanny.

Overnight I get more and more weirder emails demanding more money for the bike as DH has either stolen it or put it in the bin, like the keys she claimed she couldn't find (we have three sets of keys on the mantelshelf, for her to take).

So after reading the overnight emails, DH contacts the police to discuss the matter. Later today a Police Sargent turns up at the door asking for the bike, DH invites him in shows that we have no bike, goes over all of the above with the PS. Show him the emails, PS talks to the Nanny (who has given him a different story) comes back to us and tells us that he has explained to her that there is (in his words) no case to answer and will only file an incident report and sends her on her way.

So WTF do we do if she turns in to a "From Hell" nanny as we have a new nanny starting in Jan and we are worried that she might do something reckless.

Help/ word of wisdom has any one dealt with a situation similar to this?
Can tell you more about the madness if you want to have more shits and giggle

To the OP - I assume you have contacted the agency you used to recruit this nanny. On top of doing what others have suggested here I would also be seeking to recover the fee I paid and expect them to sort out a replacement pdq.

I think it's insane to assume that a young girl getting her breasts checked, after her manager having breast cancer is her 'taking the piss out of you'.
What a mad assumption

You should replace her bike if you left it somewhere where it could be stolen from

grape I took issue with your patronising comments. That is all. I also disagreed with some of the statements you made and I agreed with some of your advice. You are free to make comment as you see fit but treating posters like they are a bit thick is not really on, especially when we are all just trying to help. If you knew anything about me (you don't) you'd know that I am always happy to have my advice questioned. By questioning we understand better. Besides, any advice offered on Mumsnet should always be questioned and double checked. We may say we're qualified but who really knows?

Any way, I'm not here to have a thing with you. I am here to try to help the OP. I think I've given some good advice, including talking to her payroll company who offer legal advice as part of her fee.

Best of luck OP. Hope you get it sorted quickly.

I used to practice as a solicitor and have been a law lecturer, Katie, your advice was wrong. I get very concerned when some people post offering advice that is clearly incorrect and then try to dress themselves up as some sort of expert.

Which bit higgle?

himy my best friend was a nanny from the age of 17 until she had her own children at the age of 23. She was incredibly proffesional. This nanny is acting in a way that I would not accept from the 15 year old work experience students that come into my class for a couple of weeks each year. In fairness I don't think I've had many as thoughtless and unprofessional as this woman sounds!

If you're going to call my integrity into question at least have the decency to back up your comments. As I have already stated I did not say the OP's nanny had a case for unfair dismissal. I said she may have a case. Then I asked the OP how long she'd been an employee and when told 10 weeks I have not said she has a case for unfair dismissal. I have referenced wrongful dismissal and breach of contract as potential claims. I have also told her to get advice and where to get it.

Which bit is wrong?

No, I don't think anyone thought it was Tough :)

Of course even legal experts disagree on some points. That's the beauty of UK law. It's based both in statutory and common law and therefore open to interpretation.

At least you weren't flinging mud and then buggering off without backing up your statement.

^ That WAS a dig at a couple of people on the thread. Obviously.

The problem for the nanny is that even if she wanted to take you to a tribunal it would cost her £££ so even if she is entitled to any sort of unfair dismissal claim (which seems unlikely given the circumstances) she's unlikely to be able to have the £££ for this.

People get all worked up about exact legal rights (and legal qualifications), but when it comes down to it, it doesn't really matter. I speak as someone who WAS subject to an unfair dismissal from a large corporate who DID NOT follow procedures on redundancy but the cost of taking to a tribunal was prohibitive.

However she could pursue you in the small claims court for the bike, and leaving unsecured in the front garden maybe be seen to be a problem. Which is why I'd be asking her to sign a letter saying she accepts £x amount in money for compensation for the stolen bicycle and that she will not pursue you for any further amounts in relation to either the bicycle or the employment.

And that you have records of all her emails and you have logged down a log of her activities as a nanny, and that if she did come near you or your family again you'd not hesitate to contact the police.

himynameisfred Sun 18-Dec-11 17:36:49
I think it's insane to assume that a young girl getting her breasts checked, after her manager having breast cancer is her 'taking the piss out of you'.

You're making an assumption that the nanny was a young girl; the OP has already stated she has a husband, so could be much older. In fact, in our area most nannies I know are mid 20s/early 30s.

And there's no problem in getting checked out, but the nanny went without telling the OP or OP's DH where she was, was there for a long time (why not go to a GP, it would be quicker), and didn't answer calls, obviously when the OP and her DH were trying to find out where they were. Not on in my book.

Can someone tell me in what proper employment situation (legal contract, hols, tax etc) the nanny just casually says 'i can't do Jan and Feb but my cousin can do it'.?

Plus, a mother sees bruises on her child, the kids are unfed and are not collected from school but the parents decide to not discuss any of these whith the nanny, instead they just interview for the next nanny.

Then just when they don't need the nanny anymore they sack her over a set of keys (because surely this is more important than the other staff).

Then, their worry is the bike and not the dismissal.

Oh and the police have 'nutty' threatening e-mails in their hands but they don't do anything.

Also, there is no mentioning of contacting the referees to let them know how 'nutty' the nanny is and save another family from the ordeal.

And they knew for 2 months that the nanny is 'nutter' and 'scary' but they left the children in her sole care. Hmm.

This thread is mad

What Laquitar said.

It's not mad it's trying to describe a difficult situation with lots of it taken out of context. The issues were dealt as they arose. Dh and I talked to her and emailed her. But think about this, I've just started a job DH is only five months into his new job after looking after us through bc.

We realised early on that the situation was difficult and tried to sort it out. But getting good childcare is hard at the best of times, the concerns it brings are tough on a working couple.

I posted this shortly after the police left, sorry that the initial focus was on that.

In the last ten days there has been a build up of issues starting with the cousin taking over (wtf I was already looking and interviewing for someone else) and the keys were the final straw over alot of issues. Yes! there was bruising to DD2 at one point concerning but difficult to deal with, but it occurred the once.

DH is now seriously considering quitting work to look after the children. Its difficult situation that does not deserve to be trivialised, putting your children in the care of others - in an attempt to improve your lot in this life.

Having said that it is a very good point to re-contact the referees - I'd not considered that.

Nanny threads are always crazy.... And every time I read them I am shocked. Always one side of the story how shit nanny was for weeks/months, but when questioned and after 20 pages we always find out that op wasn't that great as a employer either.. I wont comment on this thread yet...
I am scared because I need a nanny from Jan...

Many nannies are great though and many parents are great employers. I think problems possibly occur when parents don't look into it enough before deciding to place the job ad. Having a nanny can be the first time you have an employee to manage. In your work you may have people under you but you may have the support of an HR department. With a nanny, you make the recruitment decision and then have to manage the employee.

It can be hard to find good childcare but you can find it. I'm not sure as to the secret of how to exactly do that, but there are many parents out there who are perfectly happy, delighted even, with their nanny / childminder / nursery whatever form of childcare they choose.

ChristmasFuckers - how is recruitment going? Have you found someone and got to the stage of signing contract? Childminders, Nannies, Au-Pairs Etc section of Mumsnet Talk is useful to post on, if you haven't done so already. Plus there is lots of into there about the process of hiring and employing a nanny.

I am looking into it thanks nanny I think it will be harder than I thought. I always read your posts a lot of useful info! I found some nice childminder, but I am worried about my dd. She's very clingy and just wonder which option will suit us best.. Thank for asking and info

xmasFker
Go with what NannyNick has said, and bear in mind that having someone look after your children while your out at work can be heartbreaking and really difficult, because its hard to react to situation as they arise with the constraints of your workplace as well and all the emotional baggage and guilt. Try to have a good fallback plan if everything goes pearshaped.
DH and I have no family nearby to help us (3hr drive), I wish I'd got other mums to drop in and check things out often - but then that can be construed as snooping/mistrust.
We fucked up badly - I hope others can learn from this as a cautionary tale and yup I bet our x nanny is moaning and griping about our treatment - she blamed DD1 & 2 enough for her indiscretions - DD2 used to drag her into shops and force her to buy ice-cream - she's 3 and in a buggy.

YANBU
you do not need to pay for the bike.
also
CHANGE YOUR LOCKS
She had access to your keys and could have copied them at any time.
Get a locksmith round, have your locks changed.
It'll cost less than replacing all your stuff.

dear god. please report this woman to ofsted if she is ofsted registered. and to any agency you used to hire her. if you use nannytax or any of those nanny payment agencies, get the legal advice they offer. Ignore the stupid advice on this thread re your legal position as the employer and get some proper advice.

personally, i'd tell her to go whistle for the bike until she could prove you'd been responsible for losing it. and i'd CHANGE MY LOCKS regardless of what you think.

this placement has gone badly wrong, and you need to take precautions.

sounds like the nanny from hell imo. you're well shot of her.