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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hold on to my council house?

237 replies

Memoo · 17/12/2011 11:56

10 years ago I fled a very abusive marriage. DD was 2yo and ds was 3 months old. I lost my home, my savings and all dc's clothes and toys. Basically dc and I were left with nothing.

After being homeless for 3 months I was given a council house and I slowly built up a good life for the dc and I. I went to college and got a job. I supported myself and my children and I was really proud of that. Not being dependant on anyone was the best feeling I've ever had.

6 years ago I met my now 2nd DH. He moved into my house and although things have been tough at times we have got through it. I've also had another baby and dd is now 2.

The problem is we live in a really crap area. Crap schools, anti-social behaviour, drug dealer a few doors down, you get the picture.

DH is adement that we should give up this house and try and rent privately in a better area. I hate the idea of this. The way things are at the moment I know whatever happens with dh and I, this is my house and no man can take that from me. It gives me a sense of security knowing the dc and I have a home for life. If we rented privately I would once again become dependent on somebody else and the thought of that scares the crap out of me.

OP posts:
TheArmadillo · 17/12/2011 12:02

YANBU - I see your point entirely. Especially with Camerons changes even if you do get back into council housing in the future it won't be a lifelong tenancy anymore (5 years one instead I think).

As long as you and your dc are getting on ok where you are (if not I'd think about it) then I'd stay put. Secure home is practically priceless if you rent.

G1nger · 17/12/2011 12:02

Is your current husband abusive? The message you're sending him is surely that you think your marriage won't last. You need to let go of the past.

squeakytoy · 17/12/2011 12:03

Memoo, I remember your previous threads, and you are definately not being unreasonable. I think it would be very sensible to stay where you are, or look for a transfer to another area perhaps.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 17/12/2011 12:04

Memoo, going off your other posts about your current DH, I would do everything within your power to hold on to your independence and ability to manage without him

Whatever form that takes

TheBrandyButterflyEffect · 17/12/2011 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 17/12/2011 12:07

Also, considering the financial difficulties that you posted only a couple of days ago, due to your husbands behaviour, it would be madness to even think about moving into private rental.

OldGreyWassailTest · 17/12/2011 12:08

Do NOT give up your house for any reason. Being at the beck and call of a private landlord can be hell with no security. Just think, at worst you could be moving house every 6 months if the landlord decides not to renew your tenancy. Don't go there, please.

ilovesooty · 17/12/2011 12:08

Whatever the state of your marriage I'd hang on like grim death to your house and that independance. GInger not necessarily. Private tenancies simply aren't as secure.

Original poster
Memoo · 17/12/2011 12:10

Thank you.

Tbh I'm not really concerned about sending Dh a message that we might not last because in reality we might not. Even in tbe best relationships nobody really knows that they will be with their partner forever.

My number one priority is my children. And every decision I make is based on what is best for them.

OP posts:
MudAndGlitter · 17/12/2011 12:12

Don't do it. DP wants us to rent private and yes we're in a scuzzy building in a 2 bed flat but it's mine. It's my security for the kids and I wouldn't be eligible for council housing again if I gave it up

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 17/12/2011 12:12

Memoo - please hang onto your home. It would be utter, utter madness to move into private rental. Keep it in your name and sit tight my friend x

Original poster
Memoo · 17/12/2011 12:14

It is still in my name Chippingin, I did keep saying to Dh that I would see about adding his name but I never did.

OP posts:
LadyBeagleBaublesAndBells · 17/12/2011 12:15

Me and my ex had a live in job, and when we split I lost my house, and my job.
I was so lucky to get a HA house, which in this small village, believe me, was almost impossible.
I was just in the right place at the right time.
I live here with my ds and have been here about 7 years now.
I would never ever give it up.
It is mine and even if I had another relationship nothing would make me move.
Hold on to it OP, it's your security, and you'll never have the fear of homelessness.

WhoWhoWhoWho · 17/12/2011 12:16

YANBU at all. Stay where you are.

squeakytoy · 17/12/2011 12:16

Memoo, how is he proprosing to do this. You would need a hefty deposit for a start.

NinkyNonker · 17/12/2011 12:17

In many cases, you would be unreasonable...but in your's? Yanbu.

LadyBeagleBaublesAndBells · 17/12/2011 12:18

Oh, and make sure it's only your name on the lease if your'e having marital difficulties.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 17/12/2011 12:18

I wouldn't add his name either, Memoo

Don't let him pressure you

remember all those terrible lessons you learned when you left your first H...don't let them count for nothing

TheOriginalNutcracker · 17/12/2011 12:18

I agree hang onto it.

I had xp's name taken off the tennancy for here after we split, and I have no intention of ever letting another man put his name on it. This is mine and my dc's home, and I need to know that it will always be here for them no matter what happens in my life.

MistyMountainHop · 17/12/2011 12:19

yanbu OP

the only way i would give mine up is if i bought

Original poster
Memoo · 17/12/2011 12:25

Af, the things I learnt will always stay with me. They make me a stronger person and I'll never let go of that. I'm not going to let another bastard take me down. Ever.

Squeaky, God knows, he seriously has his head in the clouds sometimes.

OP posts:
samandi · 17/12/2011 12:26

Personally I wouldn't want to stay in a crap area with kids (especially school age kids), but I've never had a council house and have always rented privately. That CAN be very insecure at times. Plus I'm 100% secure that I'm living with a decent partner, and that even if we split up we'd both have the integrity to work things out fairly. Do you trust your partner?

cjbk1 · 17/12/2011 12:26

It's not your house we the taxpayers subsidise it for you!

NinkyNonker · 17/12/2011 12:29

Well, this taxpayer is happy with that.

squeakytoy · 17/12/2011 12:30

cjbk1, thats nasty and uncalled for?

Do you own outright, or does your mortgage company subsidise you?

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