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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hold on to my council house?

237 replies

Memoo · 17/12/2011 11:56

10 years ago I fled a very abusive marriage. DD was 2yo and ds was 3 months old. I lost my home, my savings and all dc's clothes and toys. Basically dc and I were left with nothing.

After being homeless for 3 months I was given a council house and I slowly built up a good life for the dc and I. I went to college and got a job. I supported myself and my children and I was really proud of that. Not being dependant on anyone was the best feeling I've ever had.

6 years ago I met my now 2nd DH. He moved into my house and although things have been tough at times we have got through it. I've also had another baby and dd is now 2.

The problem is we live in a really crap area. Crap schools, anti-social behaviour, drug dealer a few doors down, you get the picture.

DH is adement that we should give up this house and try and rent privately in a better area. I hate the idea of this. The way things are at the moment I know whatever happens with dh and I, this is my house and no man can take that from me. It gives me a sense of security knowing the dc and I have a home for life. If we rented privately I would once again become dependent on somebody else and the thought of that scares the crap out of me.

OP posts:
somethingdifferent · 17/12/2011 20:17

YANBU. I would never move out of a council home into private rental. I am a LP in a council flat and I know others who moved from my estate into private rentals to get into a different school catchment and to live in a nicer area. But they are claiming HB which is going to be capped soon, so they won't be able to afford the private rent soon and will have to move, which means taking the children out of their schools and living away from their support network. Others I've know who have moved from council to private have had much worse landlords - it is far easier to put pressure on the council to do repairs etc than to chase after an individual.

I have done a few homeswaps to move from one area to another. It can be a bit time consuming and dispiriting sifting through them all (I am in London where there are a lot of potential swaps), many of them aren't that desperate to move so will only consider a really amazing property, e.g a Georgian house in Islington (but these do come up sometimes!).

I was quite lucky as I found someone who needed to be in my area to look after their elderly mother and she didn't have time to wait for a brilliant property to come up. Sometimes you have to market your property just as hard as if you were selling it - fresh coat of paint, decluttering, nice photos. Gumtree also lists homeswaps, and there are loads of other websites out there if you look on Google (I find the Homeswapper website badly designed for giving information about your own property and showing photos).

rhondajean · 17/12/2011 20:28

Social housing was never intended for people who arent working. It was to stop people being ripped off by bad landlords and not being able to find suitable safe and warm housing.

Memoo, if I was you, I would sit tight and look for an exchange, but then again, if I was your DH, I would be upset I had no security regarding the house too, so I can totally see both sides. Sorry not much help.

Kellogg · 17/12/2011 20:42

I think that if you were in secure employment, in good health and in a secure relationship then perhaps you should move on so that someone in more need could ave your council house. There is a dire shortage however at least two of those do not apply to you and therefore you should stay put.

OpinionatedMum · 17/12/2011 21:43

No

The tenancy changes won't affect existing tenants. I would stay put.

Private renters get ripped off and can be evicted with two months notice for no reason.

Xenia · 17/12/2011 21:47

You could get a job and get a mortgage. Plenty of us with children the age of yours work full time and buy a property. It is certainly possible. Women can work and earn.

Moominsarescary · 17/12/2011 21:51

Yanbu, stay where you are. I wish I had, but then my relationship turned abusive almost as soon as we rented somewhere togeather. I then struggled to get him to move out and when he did I struggled to pay the rent as it was alot more than the housing association I was with so I'm probably abit biased.

maypole1 · 17/12/2011 21:52

I am married and only my name is on the tenancy

Moominsarescary · 17/12/2011 21:53

Oh and I ended up moving 4 times in as many years due to the houses I was in being sold or because the landlord wouldn't fix problems that occurred .

racingheart · 17/12/2011 21:55

Hi,

YANBU to want the security of a council house, but it sounds like you'd like to move to a better area for your DCs sake. Can you ask for a transfer or swap?

SebastionTheCrab · 17/12/2011 22:12

Homeswapper as others have suggested. Also get some notices put up in local shops where you would like to move to.
YANBU, council/HA property can be like gold dust in some areas and I'm very thankful I have one. We could never get a mortgage and renting privately if you have another choice is madness in my eyes.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 17/12/2011 22:32

< lol @ xenia >

SebastionTheCrab · 17/12/2011 22:39

Just notices xenia's comment. Not sure if you're serious. Do you not think most people if they were in a position would get a mortgage?
My DH and I could both work and we would still have a cat in hells chance of getting a mortgage even for a bedsit where we live.

pretendhousewife · 17/12/2011 23:10

Xenia don't worry you don't have to read the thread, reading the original post will do.

SquallyRose · 17/12/2011 23:24

I'm was in the same situation as you, I eventually met someone new and gave up my tenancy to get a joint one with him. We are seperating and now I am having to take him to court to get him taken off the tenancy and barred from living here, I wish I'd hung on to my own place. The council will allow transfers of tenancy, you could try going into your housing options team and asking how they manage transfers, you can be quite picky there too, if you don't like a house you don't swap so you wouldn't have to get stuck somewhere worse.
cjbk1 that wasn't a fair comment, you might look down your nose at council tennants and yes, some have a bad reputation for a reason but if it wasn't for council housing the OP and myself, and thousands of women like us would be forced to stay with abusive partners because we'd have no other way of housing our children. To be in a relationship like that is nothing you can ever imagine if you are lucky enough to have not expreienced it and it doesn't matter if my house is rented or owned, it is my home, where I am raising my children and the place I feel safe so please spare a thought for others and don't be so judgemental. Oh and I paid taxes myself for years before getting a council house so I am probably still in credit and claiming from myself!!

manicinsomniac · 18/12/2011 00:41

If the schools are genuinely crap rather then just have a challenging intake then I think I would move because education is more important to me than ayhting else. Also, older children seem to be more influenced by their peer group than their parents and are more likely to go off the rails if they're surrounded by other children who are like that. I wouldn't want my children not to able to play outside safely either. I think I'd also be scared to wander around at night in a bad area myself (though I am admittedly a wimp!)

I'm surprised by how negative the situation with private rentals seems to be - is it really so bad? I'm in an unusual situation because my landlord is my employer and my house goes with my job so I don't really know anything about social housing, HA or private rental. But, from what I thought I knew, private rental is the only option for the vast majority of people? And therefore should be safe? It seems odd that the only genuinely secure type of housing that you can have for as long as you want it is the type that you don't have to pay for?? I think all rentals should be secure but, if they aren't, shouldn't it be the case that the more you pay the safer your situation is rather than the other way around?

Bunbury · 18/12/2011 00:58

"this is my house". No it's not - it's a house owned and maintained by the state on behalf of the taxpayer to help in times of need. As you no longer meet a single one of these criteria, I'm unsure why you feel you need to carry on living there.

mrsscoob · 18/12/2011 09:06

After reading a few comments on here, its got me thinking. I don't know much about council housing but surely if someone is renting a house and paying the rent themselves then that isn't being paid for by the taxpayer? I'd imagine a council house, say built in the 30s 50s whatever was paid for long ago and the rent paid on that property now and the upkeep/maintanance is surely being paid for by the person who lives there and in the past by previous tenants. So how is that being paid by the taxpayer?

OK I may be really ignorant here now as well, so please don't laugh at me, but if someone is paying rent every month but never call the council out of repairs etc then wouldn't the rent kind of be in credit? Then thats surely better if the rent is going back into the council pot if you like rather than lining the pocket of some private landlord?

To be clear I am talking about people paying rent themselves rather than claiming HB. I am genuinely interested so anyone please enlighten me!

GypsyMoth · 18/12/2011 09:22

Bunbury..... What criteria??

WibblyBibble · 18/12/2011 09:33

No, absolutely YANBU. I am in a similar-ish position, though only got housing association house fairly recently after moving around a lot. There is no way I am moving, even though the schools here are shit and the teenagers annoying, until I am able to actually buy somewhere in my own name (used to have mortgage and everything with exH, would actually prefer only to get somewhere in my own name because of how this ended up). You need and deserve a secure home, as do your children.

And you know, really, The Taxpayer can fuck right off, because it's their fault for not intervening when my parents were crap because they were middle-class, not investing in science because it's not 'cool' so there were adequate proper permanent jobs for me after university, and not teaching their sons to be loyal and civilised towards the women they have children with. If they'd done that I wouldn't need council housing anyway. The Taxpayer has betrayed the poor and women, and can damn well pick up the cost for that as their moral duty.

Kellogg · 18/12/2011 10:38

I don't think that private renting necessarily need be as insecure as the OP makes out, although that may depend on the house, landlord and market . I privately rent, pay much less than I would on a mortgage, the excess goes into a higher rate savings, we are never liable for house maintenance bills and have not been asked to move on. It may be different at the lower end of the market though.

I do think she should stay where she is.

OpinionatedMum · 18/12/2011 10:45

My mil was a woman who worked full time- to pay the rent on her council house.

I'm sure the taxpayer has susbsidised many services you use cjbk1.

creighton · 18/12/2011 10:52

Bunbury, as has been mentioned before, social housing exists to provide homes for steady working class families and to protect them from Rachman like landlords.

Councils and Housing Associations also rely on rent coming in from regular payers so that they can reinvest their profits in new homes. So if a family with working parents stays in the same home for 20 years, that is no problem as long as they pay their rent and do not bother other people.

The OP has had problems in the past and needs to ensure that her family stays safe, she should not move.

Local authorities do not want or need to have estates full of families living lives that seem like ongoing car crashes, or not working from generation to generation or working freestyle i.e. drug dealing. They would like to have steady working families in their homes.

Kellogg · 18/12/2011 10:54

I agree creighton

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 18/12/2011 11:15

manic "the type of homes you don't have to pay for"?

what are you talking about ?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 18/12/2011 11:18

there are some bloody strange ideas of what LA housing is for on this thread

bunbury I think you are getting mixed up with hostels/refuges, not solid family homes, fgs