to not want to give £20 to the school

[PresentsRibbonsAndMerrySantas]

the school dd1 has just started [well in sept] has asked twice now for this.
please contribute to our school voluntary fund, this fund will allow us to contine to offer as many school trips as we currently do and offer support to families, for example cannot afford uniform etc, we are asking for a £20 donation per family.
now don't get me wrong, if it was for paying for trips through out the year and for things for the school, i would with out even thinking about it, but its the part were they will help low income families for ie uniform, now we are a low income family but because dp works we have to struggle, which is fine, but the problem i have is i know a lot of families who would be classed as families in need of help and they would think it funny and big that they have managed to get free school uniform etc from the school, so why should i have to pay for these people, i know a friend of mine would and does trys to get everything for free and it really pees me off, she has more dispossable income than we do and she don't work [we rent so don't have a morgage] i just think, that if the school worked out what they get they would be surprised, ie no council tax to pay, no rent, no persciptions, free school meals, half price school bus pass the list goes on and now the school expect and yes i know they have said its voluntary but this is the second reminder and they know who has paid and not, for families to hand over £20 so they can have free school uniform and other help.
aibu in not paying or should i just pay
oh and i don't mean everyone on benifits is the same, i am on about the ones i know, you know the ones, large screen tvs, smoke drink flash the cash, new phones, but don't work!!!!!

Actually I don't think YABU at all, and I'm a feckless scrounger myself.

I though that if you were on benefits that you got a clothing allowance to buy school uniform.

I don't think YABU.

YABU.

Of course, the donation is voluntary, and if you were struggling to have the money available then that wouldn't be a problem at all - it's hardly like the school are going to force you to give them £20.

However, to get so annoyed about being asked to help out low income families is not on. I don't know why you would feel so offended by being asked to give £20 to help a child get uniform, just because you know some parents whose attitude you don't like.

And no, I don't know 'the ones' who have new phones, smoke and drink - are you a DM reader by any chance?

whats a dm reader

It's voluntary, don't volunteer if you don't want to.

To be honest it shouldnt be down to other parents to support other peoples school trips and uniform. It should be a government fund

yanbu

because most of these families could afford the school uniform if they did with out other things like the rest of us have to.

when dd started school a lot of wonderful mums i knew from toddler group with dc's a year older than dd, rallied round to give her school uniform, as i didn't have £70 to spend out on new stuff, it was a lifesaver. If i hadn't known these people i would have been stuffed and cried a lot!!

If i was asked now to give £20 a year to help other people in that situation, i would tbh.

I think YABU

switchofftv - most areas now DON'T have a uniform grant at all any more. My area certainly doesn't. But then neither DD's Secondary, or the DS's primary have a 'fund' for low-income people to get uniform free from, and neither of them have a second-hand uniform shop either. Full-price for all their stupid, school-logo'd expensive uniform here. Was when Ex-P was workinh FT for a low wage, and is now I'm A lone parent on IS.

And presents - if there are two adults in your house, then you will be better off even in work than a lone parent, unless one of you is SAHP. Two adults = two jobs = two incomes. Couple, one working, one SAHM, has the option of increasing their income. LP, working, has no option to do so.

Did you know that the rules for FSM's apply to anyone who has LESS than £16K income in a year? But that is COMBINED income from benefits/Tax Credits AND earnings. So if you are not eligible for FSM's - it's because you HAVE MORE INCOME THAN THE PEOPLE THAT ARE ELIGIBLE. And if you are eligible but not claiming them, then you have no reason to whinge about people that DO.

i had this too, write in to the school and remind them that it is a VOLUNTARY contribution and as such you do not appreciate the reminders about payment (as you clearly would have paid by now if you were going to).

i do and would donate old clothes/school uniform, our primary school collect old school uniform and sell it really cheap ie 50p an item, so why can the school dd goes to not do this for the low income families and then the school would also be raising a bit of money for themselves as well as helping those families out.

YANBU at all. Surely the LEA has a hardship fund whereby those on low income families can get funding for things like trips and uniform.

Our school does this too, i just ignore it (never give them money), i give them enough at the summer fete and christmas fare , i am happy to donate my dd's old uniform to go to people who can't aford new. Its not down to us to pay for other peoples children to go on school trips (the LEA should pay for it).

i am a SAHP and we are just and i mean just over that amount. so not like we have a high income, but thats not the point really

It's a voluntary fund - if you object to it (and I can see why), then either make a smaller donation or don't give one at all. They ask for voluntary contributions for things because a) they can't make people pay up and b) they can claim back gift aid from taxpayers donations on voluntary contributions to their charity registered PTA or whatever. It is a bit of a cheek to ask for such a large amount. Perhaps they should try fund raising events instead for this, but then again, it requires a large amount of effort to organise them.

I think it's a very good idea to have a fund to help out families that are struggling. I would contribute, but I certainly wouldn't expect everyone to, or be surprised if people hadn't. I'm sure the school are not expecting all parents to contribute to this fund.

However, you can't pick and choose which families you want to help if you contribute to a fund like this, that's up to the school. In the same way that if you give to charity, you have to leave it up to the charity to select the recipients of its services.

Ignore reminders or if you feel you can't just send polite note in saying that you cannot afford 20 pound voluntary donation.
I would not give 20 pounds to school at moment as get my own child's uniform from 2nd hand sales and supermarket multi buys.
AND yes when I am watching our big old third hand tv I find it hard not to judge when walking past someone I knows house -who proclaim they are broke- whose front windows light is blocked out by their stonkingly humungous flat screen TV!!!

If you don't want to pay it then send back a note saying you won't be paying it. Sorted.

it shouldnt be down to other parents to support other peoples school trips and uniform. It should be a government fund

But we pay taxes that funds the govt, so govt. money is (partly) MY money. So either way, I'd be paying.

OP, if our school asked for 20 quid like that they'd get nothing but grief.

If you can afford it and it helps other people I cannot see why you would not want to contribute. It is charity, to help people out it is not about rationalising why they cannot or will not afford something. I always pay double for voluntary contribution school trips because I can afford to and because I know there are a few children who need help for stuff like this in our school. I have no issue with this, I like to help but also in the past I have been incredibly hard up and people have helped me. Making people go cap in hand and have to formally apply for funds etc from the Government (which is easier said than done) is horrible for them so if there is a local and low impact way of families helping one another then I am all for it. It is only £20 a year after all - you could blow that on going to MacDonalds or something and it could make all the difference to a child.

Our school asks for £20 per child too, it's an extortionate amound compared to tother local schools.

They are not even clear on what they are spending it on.

OP I am torn on thois because if you can barely afford uniform yourself then asking for a spare £20 out of nowhere isn't going to be an easy feat.

But if you can spare the £20 then why not help others that are lucky enough to get the help.

And to the person who said if the others qualify it means they have less income - yes, but it might only be very marginally less but other things they don't have to pay for as a result of not working could perhaps tip them over to having more money after outgoings (e.g. if they don't pay council tax and OP does, if they don't pay prescriptions and OP does etc). This is the very reason why some people in low paid jobs find they can be no better off or worse off by working - that's my understanding anyway.

I really don't understand where people get the idea that those on income support are living it large.

When I was a single parent on income support I struggled day to day to feed us and pay the bills. I didn't drink, smoke, go out, drive, didn't have carpets, curtains, a phone or a tv. Some evenings we sat in the dark because the electricity had run out and I had no more money for the meter. Some days we were hungry as there was no food in and no more money. All of my daughter's school uniform was supplied by the generousity of others.

Actually I don't think the OP's income is of any relevance. The fact of the matter is it should not be down to her to fund other people's irresponsible lifestyle choices.

It irritates me when Greg Dyke writes to me (as in alumni, not because he's my friend) asking if I'd like to fund a bursary at my old university - no I wouldn't, no I can't, fuck off Greg Dyke. I just read it and think 'er, no!' and then I don't think about it any more.

Would a similar approach work here?

'other people's irresponsible lifestyle choices' WTAF!