to not want to give £20 to the school

[PresentsRibbonsAndMerrySantas]

the school dd1 has just started [well in sept] has asked twice now for this.
please contribute to our school voluntary fund, this fund will allow us to contine to offer as many school trips as we currently do and offer support to families, for example cannot afford uniform etc, we are asking for a £20 donation per family.
now don't get me wrong, if it was for paying for trips through out the year and for things for the school, i would with out even thinking about it, but its the part were they will help low income families for ie uniform, now we are a low income family but because dp works we have to struggle, which is fine, but the problem i have is i know a lot of families who would be classed as families in need of help and they would think it funny and big that they have managed to get free school uniform etc from the school, so why should i have to pay for these people, i know a friend of mine would and does trys to get everything for free and it really pees me off, she has more dispossable income than we do and she don't work [we rent so don't have a morgage] i just think, that if the school worked out what they get they would be surprised, ie no council tax to pay, no rent, no persciptions, free school meals, half price school bus pass the list goes on and now the school expect and yes i know they have said its voluntary but this is the second reminder and they know who has paid and not, for families to hand over £20 so they can have free school uniform and other help.
aibu in not paying or should i just pay
oh and i don't mean everyone on benifits is the same, i am on about the ones i know, you know the ones, large screen tvs, smoke drink flash the cash, new phones, but don't work!!!!!

It is disgraceful. But if we were asked (dd not school age yet) I would give as it isn't the children's fault.

Have a heart...it is only 20 quid.

Yeah, well I don't drink, I eat a healthy diet, my kids are well fed and I do it all on your money, only yours mind, I specifically asked the dwp to remove it from your taxes and nobody elses.

ds's school does this and if you don't cough up they name and shame in class and send your child home with a 'special' letter

I, as a parent of a child, at a LA school, was asked for a £10 contribution. I paid.

Refuse to pay, stating you cannot afford it if asked for a reason. Then forget about it :)

Oh don't worry Dawn, you can have DH's my taxes.

hexagonal perhaps she should have a B branded on her forehead. The feckless scrounger.

Thanks Ninky, that'll pay for the wine and fags over Christmas!

Oooh, have a wine for me, another Christmas off the booze here.

Aww, shame, Ninky. I'll make sure we get some cans of stella decent red in!

Well roundcorn there is no doubt that any parent that parents as she does is a feckless parent. I feel sorry for her child, she is given money for his benefit but spends it all on herself and basically drags him up.

Ooo, can I play that game, please?

I wish we had had such a fund at dd's school. It was always the same child who never attended any school trips, always stayed behind in the classroom, we all knew why, I would have been very happy to pay for her dc too, but felt awkward about approaching the mum direct as I didn't know her.

Cory
why don't you just go into school and ask to pay for the child who doesn't do the school trips, no-one has to know who pays except the head of school?

I gave grown-out of uniform to the school secretary specifically to be given to the family of 7 children who ironically probably received more in benefits than we did as a working family, to me that didn't matter, what did matter is that the children looked scruffy in the clothes they turned up and without uniform, giving the uniform via the secretary meant some of the children stood out a bit less with the same uniform as the others.

Sometimes direct action can be far effective than a general fund collecting £20 each child - you know I'd want to know how much has been collected and where it is being spent before contributing in that way.

YANBU, the school shouldn't have sent you a reminder for a voluntary contribution. Benefits related threads polarise within the first couple of posts. There are the ones who say benefits people have no access to modern amenities or computers have never heard of internet and are victims of circumstance. Then there are the ones who say benefits people are scroungers who have never worked, decide to have 10 kids and spend all benefits on booze and fancy stuff. That is why I love the benefits threads!

Sorry, I've just read the first couple of pages of this thread.

I just want to say that this thread has been really eye opening to me. I honestly didn't realise that there were people living so close to the edge in this country.

Sadly there are, and there are those who don't prioritise their children. In neither case is it the child's fault.

HappyMummyOfOne - This comment: 'I'd be happy to pay a yearly fee rather than individual trips if easier for the school to administer but wouldnt pay extra so that other parents could choose not to pay. Everybody gets CB and most get CTC which are designed to help with the costs of raising a child on top of wages. If you choose to have children and not work then thats a choice made by the individual and others should not fund it.'

That just shows a shocking amount of ignorance about REAL LIFE. I do not work because I have a disability, and find it hard to find employment DUE to that disability. That is no longer classed as 'severe enough' to get disability benefits for. Though, to me, having an epileptic seizure at least once a weeek IS pretty severe and disabling.

I had my school-age dc BEFORE I was diagnosed. Also, at the SAME TIME as my diagnosis - TWO of my dc were diagnosed with disabilities. So I am also caring for them. But THEY no longer get disability benefits, despite having numerous disabilities, both physical issues, medical issues, respiritory problems, fairly severe cardiac issues (in the case of DD), neurological problems.

I have to fund all the extra things I need in respect of their disabilities out of the same benefits as Lone parents with children that don't have any other issues.

So maybe, just maybe, you could think before you post, and realise that the parents who follow the DM stereotype that spend all their benefits on fags and booze are in the MINORITY, and the majority will have OTHER barriers to employment.

Oh - and to the person who asked about FSM's - yes, you can be £10 over the income barrier and not get help - but TC's WILL mean that you ARE better off than the person on benefits - even if it is only £5 a week after your outgoings. I speak from experience there. I am ALWAYS better off in work - I just CAN'T work right now, and 99% of the reason for that is the lack of SN childcare for dc over 12yo. You have to bear in mind that the £16K level is INCLUDING TC's. So when you bear in mind that someone on a very low wage will be getting WTC on top of their CTC/HB/CTB, whereas someone unemployed won't be getting WTC on top - you WILL be better off.

There are rich people that don't prioritise their dc too. The ones who don't prioritise their emotional needs, by sending them to boarding school, or by only seeing them for 1 hr a week because they are always out.

There will ALWAYS be awful parents in ALL walks of life, that don't prioritise their dc. But you can't tar every person on benefits with the same brush - I certainly don't drink or smoke - I gave up nearly two years ago - and I haven't drunk AT ALL for 8 years, since my diagnosis of epilepsy. Even before that, I didn't really drink. My benefits go on clothes and food for the dc, and bus fares to get them to school, as I couldn't get them into the local school. In 6 months since he left, the only time I have been out is to a Charity football fundraiser that was raising money for DD's best friend who has leukemia. The only reason I have winter boots that don't let in water is because someone VERY kind donated them to me. My DC all have welly boots and warm coats, albeit the DS's are from last winter as they still fit them.

I push my dc hard at school, even the ones with problems. DD has LD's. Her school makes them sit their RE GCSE a year early, so she is in Y9 right now. A month ago, I got a predicted grade for her of 'G'. She has just had the results of her mock exams in RE. She got a 'C'. And that is NOT due to help at school, as they have sacked all the LSA's. It is down to the help I have given her. DS1 is in Y5, and is doing practice papers with me for the 11+. DS2 is working at the expected level for his age group, despite his disabilities. Yet he was not even expected to STAY at mainstream school beyond reception.

So don't you DARE label all benefits claimants as feckless. I'm sorry, but that is just untrue.

Yes, some will be. But so will some millionaire parents. What was the demographic of the rioters...

I must have been truly crap at claiming benefits as I had no money for drink, fags, a computer or tv. I really should have tried harder.

If you can't afford it don't pay if. The school was unreasonable to send you a personal reminder however if it was a general reminder that is fine. We always try to pay double for school trips and buy double uniform etc so would want to donate to this. However we are quite scatty so I would appreciate a reminder .

You are not unreasonable to not want to donate , especially if money is tight. However I find the growing idea that there is a deserving group of poor, whom we should help and a feckless group of poor people who should be left to rot rather offensive , especially when children are involved.

Hexagonal that is the point though, you can drink, have a social life , plasma tv when on benefits if you neglect your child. Most people on benefits don't do that. You cannot live the life of Riley on benefits and care for children.

I could afford it, but wouldn't give it.

Hunty, do you know if the 16k cut-off for qualification for free school meals is the same no matter what size family you have? I am assuming this is NET 16k per year too? For example a working parent with 1 child whose income including CTCs/CB just under 16k per year gets FSMs and also a working parent with 4 children whose net income is just under 16k per year is treated the same? If that assumption is correct, it would seem a bit unfair on those families with more children and a low working income, as they would get more CTCs surely for having more children, so more likely to put the family net annual income over 16k per year because of CTCs than a working parent family with 1 child and therefore a family with more children are less likely to qualify than a working parent family with 1 child, yet the family with more children if they are just over this 16k threshold would have more school dinners to pay for????

Yep, afriad so. We WERE the working family with 4 dc. And Ex-P only arnt £800 pa more than £16k. But we coped much better financially THEN as a couple with ONE adult working than I do NOW as a Lone Parent. Because we got WTC on top of his wages, which took us over the limit. I get what you are saying,natation - but I have been there. And as far as I can see it, the family with 4 dc that are 'just over' WON'T be 'just over' due to the WTC and CTC. Whereas the family with 1 dc might be 'just under'.

I still didn't feel jealous of the fact that someone with one dc was getting FSM's and we had to pay £27 a week for our 3 dc's schoold dinners. Because we WERE getting more overall income than they were. And we may not have been well off, but now I am a LP on IS - I am significantly worse off. By a LONG way.

Yes, I get FSM's now. And a family with 4 dc would get £10,220 pa in CTC alone. A family with one dc will only get £2,555pa. So there is a reason the family with one dc will get FSM's where the one with 4 dc won't - the family with 4 dc HAS A GREATER TOTAL INCOME. Even if both families only have a NMW job for 35 hrs - the one with more dc will be MUCH better off. So it is a means-tested benefit, that benefits those who need it MOST.

Which,tough as it was on my own family when we didn't meet the criteria - is the RIGHT way for it to be administered.

The £20 thing - when Ex-P was working, we didn't donate £20 per child, as that would have been £60. But we DID donate £10 to the primary school, and £10 to the Secondary school. That was the most we as a family could afford. But it helped those who had LESS than us.

Couldn't donate this term though, as I am now a lone parent, and just don't have even £20 spare.

If you have it, give it, if you don't then you can't. And if you have it, but WON'T donate it - then SHAME ON YOU.

Well its voluntary, so if money is tight no obligation to pay it.

Don't be annoyed about being asked though some people will be happy to give.

I would just send a note in saying that you are very sorry but money is a bit tight so you aren't contributing. Or just ignore the request, either would be reasonable. YABU to get annoyed by it though.