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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to out my back stabbing SIL?

179 replies

scuzy · 15/12/2011 15:51

long story short ... SIL told me about a forum she visit frequently (not here) and I decided to look it up. found her online as her daughter was her avatar pic and started reading some of her threads. she was online there for years and read loads of threads giving out/mocking/being disrespectful to everyone (MIL, her BILs, my dp, me, my other sil ... basically all her dp's family).

I told them and since then there is bad feeling. was i right?

OP posts:
OldeChestnut · 15/12/2011 15:53

what did you expect to happen

Clownsarescary · 15/12/2011 15:54
Xmas Hmm
Scoundrel · 15/12/2011 15:54

That was a stupid thing to do.

WhereMyMilk · 15/12/2011 15:55

As oldechestnut said. However, what did she expect putting up stuff on the Internet for the world to see?

knockneedandknackered · 15/12/2011 15:55

i woulden,t have said anything because it will come back to you.

Flisspaps · 15/12/2011 15:56

No you weren't.

A forum is often somewhere that some people go to vent or to have a moan about things they wouldn't dream of saying in real life (many people only say what they'd be happy for the people they talk about to read, but either way it's a personal choice) in the relative safety of internet anonymity - what did you gain from letting all these people know that they'd had these things said about them?

Did you feel good for letting them know?

Original poster
scuzy · 15/12/2011 15:56

bad feeling amongst family is what i meant. she obvsiouly thought posting online she was in a little bubble that no one could see it.

how would it come back to me? i did nothing wrong.

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 15/12/2011 15:56

You are as bad as your SIL. As for bad feeling, I should think this is the least you should have expected. Surely you weren't assuming they'd thank you for revealing a load of internet bollocks?

Original poster
scuzy · 15/12/2011 15:58

they did actually cos what she was saying was horrendous ...

OP posts:
Original poster
scuzy · 15/12/2011 16:00

i dont understand why am I as bad???? if someone was talking about me i'd want to know especially someone who is nice to my face every day!!!!!

i once posted about hearing colleagues bad mouth me in office toilet and got a different style of responses. is it not the same thing??

OP posts:
Original poster
scuzy · 15/12/2011 16:01

is she was annonymous well and good.

but she had posted pics of her daughter's bdays (with me and ds and other family in background) and their wedding pics, said her full RL name etc on it. she was not hiding. just stupid.

OP posts:
Original poster
scuzy · 15/12/2011 16:01

"if"

OP posts:
OldeChestnut · 15/12/2011 16:02

so if we direct your SIL to this thread behind your back, that will be ok?

Original poster
scuzy · 15/12/2011 16:03

god yeah. because i joined and replied to her online on this forum and said i thought the things she was saying were awful. we all know about it!

would you want to know?

OP posts:
KateMiddlet0n · 15/12/2011 16:03

Why go to such lengths to cause such upset? Why did you feel the need to stalk her? Do you have ishoos?

Original poster
scuzy · 15/12/2011 16:04

the things she was saying were lies, exaggerations, horrible things about MIL (who put them up rent free for over a year til they moved out) and about her nephew who has special needs.

OP posts:
Original poster
scuzy · 15/12/2011 16:04

lol "stalking". hardly!

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 15/12/2011 16:05

Perhaps she'll buy you a nice wooden spoon for Christmas.

That might help with the stirring.

If I heard or saw someone being bad mouthed, my response wouldn't be 'Oh, I've just GOT to go and tell X that Y said this terrible thing about them' - I might say 'X, why are you talking shit about Y' and pull them up on it.

ViviPrudolf · 15/12/2011 16:05

She told you she used the forum - she couldn't have been that bothered about keeping what she's written on there a secret Hmm

Bunbaker · 15/12/2011 16:05

Do you actually know what it feels like if someone told you that another person you liked was saying nasty things behind your back?

I wouldn't like it and neither would most people. I think you have a basic lack of understanding of what makes people tick. You have opened up a can of worms and have to accept the consequences.

KateMiddlet0n · 15/12/2011 16:05

SIL told me about a forum she visit frequently (not here) and I decided to look it up. found her online as her daughter was her avatar pic and started reading some of her threads.

STALKER-ALERT!!!!

BigHairyGruffalo · 15/12/2011 16:06

If what she was saying was true, I would not have said anything as she was clearly just having a rant. However, if it was not true, well then I think that it is quite different. If she is so identifiable, then obviously her family will be too. If somebody I felt close to was talking about me like that on the internet then I would want to know!

lesley33 · 15/12/2011 16:07

Sorry but I think yabu. People come on forums often to vent and say things that they wouldn't in a million years say in real life. It helps with that aargh moment and sometimes that moment comes about because a small incident can be the straw that broke the camels back. So people might post an ott post about an annoying relative, but the real issue is that their life is very stressed and this minor point was just enough to set them into internal rant mode.

I know I have posted thoughts and rants on here that I wouldn't say to anybody in real life. And sometimes I will post things in the heat of the moment and realise later that what I said was unreasonable.

And my view is that gossip should never be shared. What were you hoping to achieve by telling other relatives what she posted about them? It really comes across that you were basically stirring. you have basically caused a whole lot of bad feeling in rl that was totally unnecessary. And rightly, your SIL will never trust you again.

Original poster
scuzy · 15/12/2011 16:07

she told me about it - i told her about the forum i used. it was a general conversation and i decided to see if it was any good. i wasnt stalking her.

anyways i see that no one sees my point. i'm glad people know her for who she really is.

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 15/12/2011 16:07

But as Flisspaps said, people do use the (alleged) anonymity of internet forums to vent about things. Quite often this is therapeutic given that they would never express their emotions in quite such a cathartic manner face to face. Your SIL was unwise to make herself quite so identifiable but her foolishness does not excuse your behaviour.

Quite honestly, you sound like a trouble-making little snitch and I cannot believe you didn't realise the effect your tale-telling would have on the rest of the family. Certainly, if your intentions were honourable you would have discussed this with your SIL first.