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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to out my back stabbing SIL?

179 replies

scuzy · 15/12/2011 15:51

long story short ... SIL told me about a forum she visit frequently (not here) and I decided to look it up. found her online as her daughter was her avatar pic and started reading some of her threads. she was online there for years and read loads of threads giving out/mocking/being disrespectful to everyone (MIL, her BILs, my dp, me, my other sil ... basically all her dp's family).

I told them and since then there is bad feeling. was i right?

OP posts:
MildlyNarkyPuffin · 15/12/2011 16:08

Why would you tell people? I don't understand?

I assume that when she mentioned that she used the forum she wasn't expecting you to identify her, search through her posting history and tell everyone what she said about them.

Lots of people use the internet to vent. They say things they'd never dream of saying to the person themselves. She was writing under a pseudonym - you recognised her avatar picture not her name - so none of the comments were linked to your family's names.

The whole point of families is you don't get to choose them. There will be people who you would never choose to be friends with. People who are bigoted, materialistic, selfish, rude etc etc. You get on with them for the sake of peace in the family - so that everyone can sit around a table on special occasions. You don't have to like them. She was obviously polite enough to people's faces.

All you've done is upset a lot of people right before Christmas.

KateMiddlet0n · 15/12/2011 16:08

I bet they know about you too scuzy...

ViviPrudolf · 15/12/2011 16:08

what is your point?

SantasENormaSnob · 15/12/2011 16:08

I would want to know BUT.....

I wouldn't have hunted her down and then searched her threads in the first place.

Original poster
scuzy · 15/12/2011 16:08

PML never trust ME again?????

at least have the manners to do it annonymously. i know people vent but she didnt hide who she was!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
ViviPrudolf · 15/12/2011 16:09

Well you've done it now and shits hit fan so surely it doesn't matter if it was unreasonable of you or not?

roses2 · 15/12/2011 16:09

I think what you did was right, she sounds like a nasty vile person.

humblehippo · 15/12/2011 16:09

YABU

I think outing people online is just low behaviour

Maybe she should have been more anon if she wanted to mouth off, and not display identifiable pics of DC etc, but you have done quite a low thing regardless of how nasty she was being on there.

2 wrongs do not make a right on this occasion! Surely you have just hurt your family's feelings by getting them to read it?

Original poster
scuzy · 15/12/2011 16:11

know what about me exactly??

thats fair enough i take on board all your points. and we are all carrying on as normal fwiw as i dont think my ds should miss on on seeing his cousins etc and we are being civil but my dp cant forgive her for what she said about his mum.

OP posts:
MildlyNarkyPuffin · 15/12/2011 16:12

Really? So she used her full name as her ID? Or did you search her posts and find she'd mentioned her name in one of them?

Congratulations on ruining Christmas for a lot of people. I hope your righteous glow keeps you cosy.

Original poster
scuzy · 15/12/2011 16:12

also my MIL does not know to the extent of what she said i spared her that. she thinks it was about the rest of us. i didnt tell everyone it went around the family. of course anything i say now doesnt matter as i am a low life snitch.

OP posts:
Shinyshoes1 · 15/12/2011 16:13

You sound like a shitstirrer to me. You were out of order telling your family what she said.

You show no remorse.

I'm guessing you and your life is perfect then Hmm

I'm assuming you took great joy in telling other members of the family what she thought of them

ShirleyKnot · 15/12/2011 16:14

MildlyNarkyPuffin - [applause]

OldeChestnut · 15/12/2011 16:16

of course anything i say now doesnt matter as i am a low life snitch.

nods in agreement

Pandemoniaa · 15/12/2011 16:17

"of course anything i say now doesnt matter as i am a low life snitch."

Well at least you've got a consensus, OP.

Original poster
scuzy · 15/12/2011 16:17

no my life is not perfect and no i didnt like the upset that ensued but I would want to know if someone who is supposedly that close to me is two faced!!!!!!

OP posts:
mynewpassion · 15/12/2011 16:18

Yep, low-life snitch. I would rather be a bitch than a snitch.

Does make me wonder if your SIL has some legitimacy in her complaints.

lisaro · 15/12/2011 16:18

Could say the same, OP.

Bunbaker · 15/12/2011 16:19

The expression that includes the words glass houses and stones springs to mind.

UnexpectedOrangeInMyStocking · 15/12/2011 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pandemoniaa · 15/12/2011 16:22

Still, the OP could always attempt a spot of family harmony at Christmas by trying to bury the hatchet.
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.
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Once she's dragged it out of her SIL's back, that is.

MrsHankey · 15/12/2011 16:22

How is it two-faced if its on an anonymous forum? Confused

Clearly a bit stupid naive of her to put her DDs pic on but she probably didn't expect anyone she knew to be on stalking her Hmm

Sometimes when I look at peoples profiles & see they have photos' I wonder if they live miles from anyone. I would never put any pics up in case of stalky types

Redrubyblues · 15/12/2011 16:23

So OP where do you go from here? Do you all want an apology from her? The can of worms has been well and truly opened and can't be closed.

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 15/12/2011 16:23

perhaps it would have been better to have had a quiet word with her about it, saying that it might be wise to not say such things in case someone came across them. Then she would have perhaps stopped it. And she would have known that you know. That would have been enough.

All that's happened now is that people have been hurt.

Of course she shouldn't have been doing it, but there was no need to tell them about it. Now they are probably really hurt.

How has she reacted to her comments being relayed back to the family? How has the family reacted?

fwiw, if what she was saying was lies, then I do understand that would have angered you. But taking it back to the family only serves to upset them. There was a better way to deal with it. To deal with her while sparing your family this upset.

lisaro · 15/12/2011 16:24

About outing people for what they are, I mean.

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