This person was being a bit of a penis, right?

[BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers]

Two AIBUs in five minutes. Probably need to wind me neck in...

I got a christmas card this morning, not meant for us. I don't even know how it got to my house; my house number is 37, it had 68 on the envelope. Imagine I live on Dave Street, the envelope had Dave Road on it.

Opened it up without thinking, then saw it addressed to Sheila and Peter. There was a pretty lengthy message in it from Gaynor and Mike, who live in London (I live Midlands) It was quite a nice message and I thought what a shame that Sheila and Peter will miss out on the card! There was a London 'phone number at the bottom so I thought I would do a good deed and let the sender know that their card had not got to the intended recipient". Call went like this:

"Hello?"

Me: "Hello! Sorry to bother you, but am I speaking to Peter?"

Peter: "Yeah"

Me: "Oh good, I recieved a card from you this morning but it was not meant for me, it was sent to someone called Gaynor and Mike. I just wanted to let you know that it has been sent to the wrong address and that you might want to send another one."

Peter:

Merry christmas to you too, bollockchops!

MAYBE, Gaynor and Peter were having a clandestine affair, and Mike has recently found out about it (since Gaynor sent the christmas cards out) understandably a bit upset about it (he's told Sheila and she's decided to stay with Peter, but Mike has chucked Gaynor out).. so have a heart for poor Mike. He's alone this Christmas.

Bollockchops and Cockjuggler, am loving mn!!!!!

fyi

I'd have done the same, btw. Our - and their - karma will come back round.

I DID wonder if there was some bad blood between Gaynor Mike/Sheila Peter. Maybe Peter hasn't quite got over that time that Mike only paid 40% of the bill at the Bernie Inn in 1977, despite both parties agreeing before hand they would split it 5050, but to be fair, Sheila DID insist on having herself an after dinner QC sherry, so it was only fair that Gaynor/Mike paid less.

Sorry, I am really confused here, was it Peter or Mike you spoke to? Was the card for Mike or Peter? I don't know why I think this is important, but i do.

Oh, it was Peter I spoke to but I've referred to him as Mike after, haven't I?

Sorry. To clarify: Peter it is YOU I hate, not Mike. You're alright, Mike.

Thank goodness for that. Was about to take umbrage on somebody's behalf. Peter is a pillock, I wouldn't lose too much sleep.

I would've just put it back in the post when my cold was better ... but then I wouldn't have opened it and read it either.

And I'd think you were a bit of a nutter if I was Peter, and pretty rude to not put it back in the post.

Don't get all sanctimonious with me about opening mail! It was pushed through my door, I assumed (wrongly) that it was for me.

Samandi, you are Peter, aren't you?

But how did you call Peter if the card was addressed to him - did the sender include the sendees number? They're all mad!

I wouldn't of checked the address either. if its inside my house then it should be for me, yes? I also get hacked off with avon/cleaneze shoving their crap into my home then demanding it back 3 days later

The sender put in an address/number. They might have moved and wanted the recipient to know their new details?

Another pointer to relations being frosty between Gaynor/Mike and Sheila/Peter...

Well, I think you should fish it out of the bin, envelope and all, pop it into a new envelope and address it to Peter Bollockchops. If the card/envelope are covered in bean juice and bits of old cat food, even better.

Then post it back to the sanctimonious old cunt. With love from Bupcakes and Cunting. Don't forget to put lots of kisses and

I think you should call back and ask to speak to Gaynor or is it Sheila.

Women always write the cards, and will therefore be more appreciative of your weirdness help.

Ah yes Baubles, but OP phones the intended recipient, not the sender....didn't she?

No, no, Peter was the sender and included his number in the hope that mike would finally forgive him for the Bernie Inn incident

Don't start me on Kleeneze I had a book foisted on me the other week despite me saying that I didn't really want one. He insisted he'd be back for it on wednesday and a week later, there it is on my doorstep, turned into a rainsoaked pulp.

she you

Sorry Sorry, in my Lemsip-addled state I have confused matters...

-Card sent FROM Sheila and Peter TO Gaynor and Mike

-Sheila/Peter (I might call them SheeTer, to save time) wrote their details in, for the benefit of Gaynor/Mike.

-I get card instead of Gaynor and Mike so ring the number on card (SheeTer's number) to inform them that their card sending has failed.

I rang the sender.

Ah, I can go and get on with something useful now that's sorted. Hope you feel better soon - Happy Christmas!

What would have been the point in putting it back in the post if it was wrongly addressed? And why wouldn't you open a card shaped envelope pushed through your door a week before Christmas?

Post it back to Peter with a note 'Dear Pete. After our chat I asked some strangers on the internet about you and we have decided you may be a penis. However, in the spirit of the season I am returning your card and have only posted parts of your home address. Have a cool yule and a gear new year and all.'