To expect my ex to see his son on Christmas day FROM MY POINT OF VIEW

[fabsi]

Ok, so yesterday i posted a thread, perhaps in bitterness, to see just unreasonable my ex and his wife are being. I am a lone parent, my ds is 5 and has a good relationship with my ex, his sm and his dcs. My son stays over every saturday night and adores his time with his dad and ss. Last year, my ex "told" me he wouldn't be coming over on christmas day as the year before his dd was "very" upset when he left and didn't want the same happening again this year. I said no way! He did come over in the end, but only stayed 40 minutes. He has asked me a couple of times what to do about bringing the presents over for ds, as he doesn't want to bring them on christmas day, he should have them to open from santa. Fair enough. But i know what's coming. He split with me after 10 years together, he said he'd never loved me and had found someone else. 4 months after we spilt, i found out i was pregnant and i was 6 months gone (no i didn't know, it was never planned and i never thought i could get pregnant as i have a disability and my periods have always been all over the place) I asked for him back several times, but he was in love with his new woman and i was left alone, thankfully i have a supportive family. I had my son and he came to visit every week, at first i didn't want any contact (ds and sm) because i was obviously incredibly bitter. Then sm got pregnant and had a dd and then a year later got married. I admit, i did make access hard, and didn't allow him to take ds out, so he went to a solicitor and i gave in and said ok. I'm glad i did, as ds loves my ex and his family. Yes, i hate her. For taking my man away, but i know she treats ds as one of her own. But, i have heard, from ex's family memebers she doesn't like ex coming over on xmas day and so i think she is the reason he doesn't really want to come over, to keep her happy. THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD EVER ALLOW MY SON over to his dads on xmas day. I am alone and he is all i have. His dad should make the effort to come over here, as many of you have said, his other children have him ALL DAY!!! Sorry for reverse AIBU, but i really do hate that he or she doesn't want to see ds on xmas day. It made me feel better. So, thank you for all your replies.

Congrats, Fabsi! That must have been really hard for you, but I'm glad it was worth it.

Skimming through this behemoth of a thread this morning, I couldn't help but see parallels with the (timely) Charles Dicken's classic, A Christmas Carol

For those that don't know it (can there be anyone that doesn't?) it tells the story of miserable Ebenezer Scrooge's ethical and emotional transformation, following ghostly visits of Jacob Marley and the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet To Come (mumsnetters in this case)

Scrooge starts off badly, and we don't think too much of him tbh, but by the end of the novel we think he's fab and are all filled with tears of joy as Scrooge ensures that impoverished Bob Cratchit and Tiny Tim have the Christmas they thought they'd never have!

Or am I overanalyzing things again

Not sure I'd compare OP with Scrooge!

fair play.
It's tough to be put through the ringer but you could have flounced/ignored the thread and you didn't, you took it on board.

fewcloudy yes you are a little bit

However, excellent use of the (underutilised) word behemoth

well done fabsi, it is the hardest thing to relinquish your most precious 'posession', but i truly believe that this will just serve to make your relationship with your boy even more loving and strong. have a fantastic christmas.....and just imagine all the secrets you can be preparing whilst he is not around

I avoided this thread as I thought you were being unreasonable and didn't want to read anymore, but after seeing it pop up again and again I had a nosy and am so glad OP that you've decided to let DS go to ex's for xmas morning :o. I've never not had ds for christmas (ex lives about 2 hours away so usually I have him for christmas and ex and family will see DS a couple of days later & DS stays till a few days after new year and everyone seems to be fine with this arrangement so far, I think it's because he stays for so long afterwards) so I can't comment on how hard/easy it will be, but DP's ex makes it difficult for him to see his daughter and seeing how upset he gets on christmas/birthdays breaks my heart so you've done a wonderful thing for your ex, your ds and his sisters.

DS's next birthday falls on the weekend he will be at his dads and so he wont be with me for the first time. I will have him in the morning, then after school he'll be with dad and I will miss him a lot but know he'll have a great time and that is what is most important. :)

Fabsi You are truly Fab(si)

Have read through all your replies and this thread truly made my eyes water - and I'm a hard nosed old cow.

All the best to you and your DS - I have a feeling this will be the beginning of a much happier future for you x x

Ah Fabsi - your son is lucky to have a mum who is able to admit she is wrong and do her best for him. And your Christmas plans sound lovely and you will have seeing DS later and all his excitement etc to look forward to during your Christmas morning.

MustControlMincepieOfDeath

Thank you

Fabsi, you are an amazing woman. I admit I opened this thread again with some trepidation, rather expecting the worst. And you have done the absolute best thing you possibly could have! I cannot tell you how much I admire you for taking the criticism to heart and then putting a new plan into action.

Your little boy will have a wonderful Xmas with his family, first with his dad, SM, and siblings, and then with you. To be surrounded by so much love and joy can only be positive for him. What a lucky little boy to have a mother who loves him so much that she is able to put aside (very understandable) feelings of pain and create a lovely holiday for him. And even better, a mother who recognizes the importance of her son's relationship with his dad.

You are a star, Fabsi. My very warmest wishes to you and your little boy!

Way to go Fabsi, way to go and for you.

From to over the past few days.

Fabsi you are truly wonderful. I really don't know what else to say. I know it's hard i've been through it all but you are doing the right thing and your little boy will thank you for it later on.

Never mind Happy Christmas, Fabsi - Happy Boxing Day! . It has been the greeting of choice for alternate years in my house for the last 8 years. .

I hope you and your son have a fabulous Christmas Fabsi. I admire that you took so much flack from this thread and didn't hide your head in the sand but listened to other people and decided that you were wrong. You have great courage.

I know it has been a while!
But i just thought i'd drop in and say a massive thank you and lots of love to you all, because i would never have been able to make that decision and take that massive step without you all.
We both had a wonderful xmas, DS rang me from xp xmas morning and told me all about his presents.
It just felt.... Well, right
I really, could never have done any of this without a mumsnet kick up the arse.
And i will never forget all of your advice and the time you took to reply, to encourage me to be a better mum to my boy.
He is my world.
Haven't enough good things to say about you or mumsnet!
Thank you and hugs all round is a good start though

Thanks SO much for updating, fabsi, honest to goodness I was only thinking about this yesterday and whenever there is a thread about "thread you'd like to know the outcome of" I always mention yours.

I'm so very glad it all worked out :)

That's excellent news fabsi!

Amazing. Well done fabsi

Why dont you let ds go to his dads boxing day? or xmas eve & he gets dropped off at yours xmas morning? i dont understand why either of those suggestions didnt cross your mind?

or even!

I was about to post to say I wonder how long it is before someone reads the OP and posts not realising this is an old thread but lo...

Oops! Sorry!