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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my ex to see his son on Christmas day FROM MY POINT OF VIEW

575 replies

fabsi · 13/12/2011 10:29

Ok, so yesterday i posted a thread, perhaps in bitterness, to see just unreasonable my ex and his wife are being. I am a lone parent, my ds is 5 and has a good relationship with my ex, his sm and his dcs. My son stays over every saturday night and adores his time with his dad and ss. Last year, my ex "told" me he wouldn't be coming over on christmas day as the year before his dd was "very" upset when he left and didn't want the same happening again this year. I said no way! He did come over in the end, but only stayed 40 minutes. He has asked me a couple of times what to do about bringing the presents over for ds, as he doesn't want to bring them on christmas day, he should have them to open from santa. Fair enough. But i know what's coming. He split with me after 10 years together, he said he'd never loved me and had found someone else. 4 months after we spilt, i found out i was pregnant and i was 6 months gone (no i didn't know, it was never planned and i never thought i could get pregnant as i have a disability and my periods have always been all over the place) I asked for him back several times, but he was in love with his new woman and i was left alone, thankfully i have a supportive family. I had my son and he came to visit every week, at first i didn't want any contact (ds and sm) because i was obviously incredibly bitter. Then sm got pregnant and had a dd and then a year later got married. I admit, i did make access hard, and didn't allow him to take ds out, so he went to a solicitor and i gave in and said ok. I'm glad i did, as ds loves my ex and his family. Yes, i hate her. For taking my man away, but i know she treats ds as one of her own. But, i have heard, from ex's family memebers she doesn't like ex coming over on xmas day and so i think she is the reason he doesn't really want to come over, to keep her happy. THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD EVER ALLOW MY SON over to his dads on xmas day. I am alone and he is all i have. His dad should make the effort to come over here, as many of you have said, his other children have him ALL DAY!!! Sorry for reverse AIBU, but i really do hate that he or she doesn't want to see ds on xmas day. It made me feel better. So, thank you for all your replies.

OP posts:
herbietea · 15/12/2011 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mrsjay · 15/12/2011 20:40

fabsi i also filled up really touched me , I work with under 5s and there is some awful stories of seperated parents and what you have done for your son has made my day

merry christmas Xmas Smile

PeanutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 15/12/2011 20:41

Thats the spirit Fabsi! well done Xmas Grin

Merry Christmas to you and DS, enjoy your quiet christmas morning coz he'll be sooooooo excited to see you when he comes home Xmas Grin

kiki22 · 15/12/2011 20:41

My parents are divorced and i have had the xmas day tug of love for most of my life and i can tell you your being selfish and your DS will resent you for it. Your son doesn't get to see his father because YOU don't want to be alone you should send him over to his fathers for a couple of hours on xmas to see not only his father but his siblings.

Figgyrollsintoapudding · 15/12/2011 20:43

Kiki, the op has called her ex and he is now having him xmas morning. Keep up Wink op has been through the mill on this thread and has seen the light and been hugely congratulated (and rightly).

We've all been admiring her spirit in the face of a huge flaming!

dreamingbohemian · 15/12/2011 20:48

herbie I kept it together for a while there but now I'm bawling!

Fabsi, your plans sound lovely, I hope you have a nice time. You've made a lot of people really happy, it must feel really good!

MJinSparklyStockings · 15/12/2011 21:04

fabsi that's so wonderful, I can only imagine how hard that was, but from my own experience, (ds1 is 16 now) as they get older they really appreciate it and tell you so.

I'm so glad your little ones smile made it worth it for you.

Happy, happy Christmas Wine

HappySeven · 15/12/2011 21:25

I think there are alot of people smiling now - well done, Fabsi!!

QuintessentiallyFestive · 15/12/2011 21:43

Smile Oh, Fabsi. Good good. well done. I am happy.

See, this is what makes mumsnet such a great place. The best nest of vipers ever.

Merry Christmas!

Shakey1500 · 15/12/2011 21:52

How wonderful Fabsi, bloody well done you. And I didn't well up reading your updates, I'd been...ermmmm...chopping onions see? Wink

Have an exceptionally Merry Christmas x

IneedAChristmasNickname · 15/12/2011 21:57

And yet another one crying!!!

Have a FANTASTIC Christmas! Xmas Grin

TandB · 15/12/2011 22:07

Brilliant. Well done, OP. And I hope you have a lovely Christmas with that time to yourself and with your son when he comes home.

exoticfruits · 15/12/2011 22:09

Have a lovely Christmas Fabsi!

(it just goes to prove that people should read all the thread before they pile in like kiki22)

rockinhippy · 15/12/2011 22:25

Tears here too + trust me that's rare - I happily hold my hand up, I was wrong your DS obviously has a very wonderful Mum, you should be very proud of yourself for being able to put him first :) it will no doubt feel strange, but make the most of a rare bit of "me" time, let your hair down with your friends + have a great time + a very merry Xmas tocyou condom

rockinhippy · 15/12/2011 22:28

Shock Blush I wrote Fabsi!!!!! - damned phone has a mind of its own Shock

tralalala · 15/12/2011 22:36

thought I would get through without crying but the smile on your DS's face got me. Well done. What a big step. And very very impressed with you to take on board what was said, not get bitter (as I probably would) and then act upon it.

As I said earlier every other year works well with us.

You have my full respect.

OldLadyKnowsSantaClaus · 15/12/2011 22:41

PMSL @ fabsi converting to condom!

And well done again, fabsi, you are heroic!

NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain · 15/12/2011 22:53

Please use paragraphs, your post is making my eyes go funny.

Thumbinnapuddingwitch · 15/12/2011 22:54

Aww Fabsi - another one in tears here! you are a star, you know, and you deserve some Thanks and possibly some Wine as well. Well done for being strong enough to make that call and for putting your DS first.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas Eve and morning, even though it will feel a bit strange - but you'll have DS back again soon enough on Christmas Day and he'll be so thrilled to have two sets of present opening :)

(and yes, I too PMSL at the autocorrect from Fabsi to Condom! Xmas Grin)

IneedAChristmasNickname · 15/12/2011 22:56

PMSL @ fabsi/condom!

Original poster
fabsi · 15/12/2011 23:05

LOL @ fabsi correcting to condom! Brilliant

OP posts:
BartletForAmerica · 15/12/2011 23:08

I'm pretty hormonal right now but you have made me cry too!

Well done! Well done! Well done!

Original poster
fabsi · 15/12/2011 23:10

Aww, cheers again mumsnetters! If it weren't for you all virtually slapping me round the face, i would have grown a bitter and hated mother. I couldn't see that before, beyond the heartache and pain, but i can now. I know it won't be easy, but i will never forget all of your advice. So thank you thank you thank you.
And just for you, NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain, a paragraph ;-)

Wine
OP posts:
needanewname · 16/12/2011 00:41

Wow, we'll done, that must have do very hard for you but it will be worth it in the end.

Wishing you all the best.

lambethlil · 16/12/2011 00:51

Wow.

Just wow.

I'd been avoiding this thread, and never in a million years would have predicted this. You have a big heart.