To think that many sahms don't consider the long-term implications when deciding to give up work? ***this is not a sahm vs wohm debate***

[wannaBe]

This is not a thread criticizing anyone or their decisions...

When I decided to give up work to bring up DS, I did so in the knowledge that for me, staying at home with my dc was the best thing. We were fortunate as well in that financially we could afford for me to stay at home.

Back then, I had in mind that we would have two children, so realistically would have at least eight years at home until the youngest started school, and even then, going back to work wouldn't necessarily be something I would consider as would want to be there for after school/holidays etc, and finding a job that fits in with the above is almost impossible.

So, fast forward nine years and the two children we'd planned to have turned out to only be one, and I've been a sahm for that long, although I have done volunteering in that time (reading/helping in school/chair of governors/PTA etc...) so haven't been sat on my arse as such (although the amount of time I've spent on mn does contradict that statement somewhat, )

Now I'm in a position where I want to go back to work. Actually, I've been in that position for about the past 1.5/2 years but due to circumstances such as moving areas etc have only just been able to start exploring the possibility seriously.

And I've come to a realization which, although I guess I knew deep down, I never contemplated until now. Even if you take the fact that there are very few jobs for far too many applicants in the current climate, the one thing that employers seem to want above anything else is experience, and current experience at that.

And if you haven't worked for a number of years then the reality is that they will take the person who has worked more recently, every time. And as employers currently have the pick of applicants (regardless of who you are) the chances of getting a job in the current climate if you've been bringing up your children for the past however many years is minimal.

So what I've basically realized is that being a sahm has made me unemployable.

I don't regret my decision for a second. You can't ever get that time with your children again and I'm glad that I had that opportunity and took it.

But in retrospect I do wonder whether I should have sought even a part time work opportunity sooner - even if it was something minimal.

And equally I realize that you can't tell someone who is just choosing to give up work to be with their children that they may find that they're unemployable ten years down the line when the kids are at school and they want to go back to work again without seeming like you're criticizing their decision/lifestyle.

When we make decisions we often do so in the here and now, not necessarily with the future in mind - not for ourselves anyway.

I think employmentwise anyone who is currently out of work for any reason has it extremely hard anyway.

The thought of never working again for the next 30 years is frankly rather depressing...

I've just started my second maternity leave and due to logistics, working up in London, childcare costs etc I know I won't return to my job. I also know that, really, that's my career over such as it was. I will have to find something part time but it won't be in the field I currently work in.

It's a very depressing prospect but one I feel I don't have a lot of choice about.

YANBU being a SAHM for 10 years was the biggest mistake I ever made. I even went back to college to retrain all my IT skills but still couldn't get a job.

Now i'm in care.

I honestly don't know what the answer is though.

I mean I'm working in care. Not that i'm "in care" if that makes sense.

I'm still on my maternity leave, 14 years and loving it. I hated my last job teaching other people's horrible kids. Now I get to be with my lovely kids and I am in no hurry to go back when the youngest starts school in a couple of years. No regrets here!

Can't you volunteer/do some work experience for free to get up to date experience. Or temp. You could update your CV with all the voluntary jobs you have been doing in 9 years outlining in most detail posts or responsibilities which are most relevant to jobs you might be interested in. I know it depends where you live and jobs which are available (I live in London so its maybe easier) but I would have thought if you go in low down and are persistant, you would be able to get something eventually. Though not at the level you worked at in the past.

You could also set up your own business. This is something I did a year ago as I couldn't find anything and its going really well, fits in with the children etc etc. Again, if you want to work for someone else rather than yourself, you could use the experience you gain from doing this to update your CV and make it look more attractive.

I think it is very hard and also sometimes hard confidence wise to get back into working after being a SAHM for a number of years, but it can be done!

I think that it is unwise to spend any length of time not doing any sort of job outside the home at all. It's important to stay connected to society and to how it functions and it is boring to stay within the confines of your home all day. But I have never known SAHMs who had no PT or voluntary role - in my childhood they all did, and in my adulthood they all do.

Oh you will get a job, but it will probably be through your personal contacts.
I think you should make decisions on the here and now because the future is so uncertain.My friend has just lost her job she has worked in for 17 years, including all the time her DC were little, because the company folded.her job was very specialised and she almost certainly will never get a job doing something similar . she was saying she wished she had stayed at home with the Dc because she can never ever get that back.

thing is talking about it is almost a tabu because if you mention sahm and the implications for the parent then you are seen to be criticizing.

And it is IMO different to the people who askk "what sahms do all day/don't they want their children to grow up with a work ethic" etc.

I don't know what the answer is either. For me I am starting to explore the possibility of starting my own business, but even that is hard.

And as I am visually impaired there are unfortunately some jobs I just can't do - I can't go and become a TA for instance or a childminder (not that I'd want to but ykwim) or any job that involves being able to drive...

wannaBe I think it depends what you want to do. My friend has been a SAHM for 13 years. She has found absolutely no trouble getting back into work. She has done a lot of volunteering in that time to keep her skill base up and has found work with local charities.

Is your field of work something you could do voluntarily to build up some recent experience and then go freelance?

NotSuch Good job you qualified that! It did sound like a frank and sudden confession! And quite a harsh outcome for the decision to be a SAHM!

This is why I am going back to work after 3 months even though I do not need to. Am TERRIFIED of not being able to support myself and baby if anything happened to DH

I thought I would be OK with the uncertainty but... No. I need to know I can earn money

Nanny already lined up...

It was something I thought very hard about, I had a good well paying job, prospects to move up etc but gave it up in the knowledge I would never be able to go back at that level, at best I could maybe get a starting position.

But for me it was worth the sacrifice, we spent a long time looking at the financial implications, moved to a cheaper house and area and changed our lifestyle.

I have ideas/dreams with what I want to do when my DCs get a bit older so I'm hoping they will work out.

I think you are correct for a professional type job. Many women I know have agonised at length after having their first child over whether to become a SAHM (knowing that it would be incredibly hard if not impossible to get back into their chosen career path after taking several years off) or to continue to work (often for no great financial gain) just to keep their foot in the door.

On the flip side, women who've had their children earlier and not really worked prior to having them seem to be in a better position as they are more able/prepared to start at the bottom and have time to work up.

YANBU I am a working mum, 4 kids, re trained when 1st child was 2. I took 2.5 years off work with her and that was the only time I have been a SAHM.
took minimal maternity leave with other 3 kids. I am so glad I did! I adore my kids, and I think manage the whole juggling working mum thing reasonably well. Lots of my friends are still SAHM'S they originally planned to take 5 or so years off work, but then couldn't get back in to their field of work, without lots of retraining. Now like me their eldest are 15-16, and they are pretty much unemployable. With the economy as it is most are feeling the pinch, but can't even find part time jobs. So I guess what i'm saying is look to the future, if you have a choice try to keep your finger in the pie, and keep a few doors open.

The thought of never working again for the next 30 years is frankly rather depressing...

but, the thought of working for the next 30 years is also rather depressing!

(WOHM here)

I agree with folkgirl - I think volunteering is a good way of building up enough experience to work again - round our way there are loys of volunteering positions that I would actually consider should be paid roles.

But yes it is very difficult and not something that people consider enough beyond the fact that they sort of know it will be hard to get back into.

Its not just being a SAHM though is it? Its having children at all that affect work. I had a lovely office job that I loved, had DS and only had the option of going back full time. I didn't want my son in childcare (my choice and not a judgement on people who do) and probably couldn't of afforded it anyway.

Now I work part time in a pub. I hate the job but I love being home with DS.

Basically everyone makes sacrifises for their DC, and usually no solution in 100% perfect, but I guess we're all doing what we can

wannabe i agree with you ive been a sahm far to long infact if i dont get a job soon my children will be having children and i will be a SAHG .

I loved what i did , it was best for my familiy life etc etc , however i do wish i had stayed working or even part time , I have done college courses Im a qualiifed youth worker , but im in my 40s , and no teenager wants to talk to be with an old lady
, im not in the best of health due to a medical condition so that doesnt make it any easier , I do think parents should consider being a sahp , again i do not regret being home for my children as it was what i wanted to do ,

I would suggest setting up your own business. Even if it's just party planning type stuff, that is still Sales Experience on your CV.

I left a job I loved to move out of London. Sometimes I regret it and do feel it's a sacrifice I made for my children rather than my long term goal.

I now freelance but not at the level I was at before and really only tinker around the edges. But I choose my hours and schedule and still get experience.

All is not lost. In some respects, you are right but it actually gives you the freedom to be a lot more adventurous in what you choose, than just walking into 9-5 job.

wannaBe 15 years ago when I left uni and started work I came across several women being supported to get back to work (by employer) after a long time off (over 10 years). Now there are hundreds of new graduates who can't get work (same degree as I had and they had). So I honestly think this has a lot to do with the climate that we're in. Would have been hard to foresee the current situation when you left work 9 years ago. Good Luck, though. I'm sure you'll find something eventually.

Bonsoir 'It's important to stay connected to society and to how it functions and it is boring to stay within the confines of your home all day.' Of course SAHM don't actually stay in the house they are still part of society and fully connected to it, more so than plenty of others perhaps.

But I have never known SAHMs who had no PT or voluntary role - in my childhood they all did, and in my adulthood they all do.' I would say the opposite. I have come across loads. There are two extremes IME. Those who can't afford to work and those who don't need to.

I chose to have children so that I could bring them up and be there for them 24/7 - Wasnt any other choice for me personally.

When they were about 7 or 8, I walked straight back into a job that I could still be there to drop them off and pick them up after school.

YANBU under the current circumstances but the problem is with employers, not with women. You are, btw, quite obviously more literate and intelligent, just from the fact that you wrote a coherent post, than a lot of people I have encountered working in offices, shops and the public sector generally (e.g. job centre employees). The issue is therefore that employers are incompetent at deciding which applicants are actually intelligent and capable, and instead hire idiots on a regular basis. This could be stopped if there was a system in which people were allocated into jobs based on area and qualifications, rather than employers getting to pick via random and often nepotistic methods. If that's too radical for people, other alternatives would be bringing in legislation that forced employers to consider periods of caring responsibility as equivalent to other employment and demonstrate that they had done so during the selection process (this is currently not the case even though it's a gender discrimination issue due to the majority of carers for children and others being female), and generally to create huge numbers of jobs so that it is no longer an employers market- generally speaking an employers market is destructive anyway as it means that people are forced into insecure working conditions, stress, and lack of productiveness anyway.

YANBU. The friends I have that are former high-flyers and now SAHMs all seem to struggle with confidence. Not that they are wanting to go back into their former high-pressure roles particuarly, and it's not that they are worried about childcare (children are well past infant stage) just that they don't seem to see themselves capable of holding down any job. I think it's a pity and they are missing out.

I know what you mean about former high-flyers not seeing themselves being able to hold down any job, but it's not due to lack of confidence. Former high-flyers mostly don't think it is feasible to return to their pre-children careers for the same reasons that made them leave them in the first place: there aren't enough hours in the day to do a good job at work and to do a good job at home.

But they also think they would be very frustrated doing a job well below their abilities, with colleagues (and, worse, supervisors) they despise intellectually!

*YANBU being a SAHM for 10 years was the biggest mistake I ever made. I even went back to college to retrain all my IT skills but still couldn't get a job.

Now i'm in care.

I honestly don't know what the answer is though.

Add message | Report | Message poster NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Tue 13-Dec-11 09:44:10

I mean I'm working in care. Not that i'm "in care" if that makes sense.*

Sorry, but that was funny.

~

Have you considered volunteering? I've been looking for work for months and nothing even verging on acceptable has come up yet so that's what I'll be doing in the new year. (Though, even voluntary work in some sectors is competitive - daft but true!) I know a few people who have gained full-time employment through this route and I'm hoping that it will help me. Voluntary organisations are often quite good on training/skills development.

YANBU at all. I worked full time until my youngest started school and then went freelance, as I simply couldn't keep juggling everything and was frazzled.

In my case I've kept up the 'front' of working, as I have my own company and website etc, but in reality the amount I've 'worked' over the last five years has varied enormously (annual revenue ranging from £12k to >£100k )

I don't want to go back to a 'proper' job working for someone else, but when I pitch for new clients I have to be fairly creative with my recent experience/CV and sometimes quote clients I worked with years ago!

I'm sure that's why so many women set up their own businesses post-children, because it's so difficult to get back into the job market working for someone else.

Thinking about my 'mum' friends, there are

• freelance marketing consultants (x 2)
• business/life coach
• landscape gardener/ designer
• design/ marketing freelancer
• home design/ furnishings consultant
• freelance book-keeper/ accountant

Whoever said you need to use your network of friends and contacts to get back into work is right. They will know you, and your abilities.

What was your previous field of work WannaBe? What do you want to do?

Sites like PeoplePerHour are good for getting odd jobs here and there.

I think one of the bigger issues for SAHMs returning to work is confidence - you have to believe you're good enough, and go for it! In the short term you might need to work for a much lower income that you left too .