To think that many sahms don't consider the long-term implications when deciding to give up work? ***this is not a sahm vs wohm debate***

[wannaBe]

This is not a thread criticizing anyone or their decisions...

When I decided to give up work to bring up DS, I did so in the knowledge that for me, staying at home with my dc was the best thing. We were fortunate as well in that financially we could afford for me to stay at home.

Back then, I had in mind that we would have two children, so realistically would have at least eight years at home until the youngest started school, and even then, going back to work wouldn't necessarily be something I would consider as would want to be there for after school/holidays etc, and finding a job that fits in with the above is almost impossible.

So, fast forward nine years and the two children we'd planned to have turned out to only be one, and I've been a sahm for that long, although I have done volunteering in that time (reading/helping in school/chair of governors/PTA etc...) so haven't been sat on my arse as such (although the amount of time I've spent on mn does contradict that statement somewhat, )

Now I'm in a position where I want to go back to work. Actually, I've been in that position for about the past 1.5/2 years but due to circumstances such as moving areas etc have only just been able to start exploring the possibility seriously.

And I've come to a realization which, although I guess I knew deep down, I never contemplated until now. Even if you take the fact that there are very few jobs for far too many applicants in the current climate, the one thing that employers seem to want above anything else is experience, and current experience at that.

And if you haven't worked for a number of years then the reality is that they will take the person who has worked more recently, every time. And as employers currently have the pick of applicants (regardless of who you are) the chances of getting a job in the current climate if you've been bringing up your children for the past however many years is minimal.

So what I've basically realized is that being a sahm has made me unemployable.

I don't regret my decision for a second. You can't ever get that time with your children again and I'm glad that I had that opportunity and took it.

But in retrospect I do wonder whether I should have sought even a part time work opportunity sooner - even if it was something minimal.

And equally I realize that you can't tell someone who is just choosing to give up work to be with their children that they may find that they're unemployable ten years down the line when the kids are at school and they want to go back to work again without seeming like you're criticizing their decision/lifestyle.

When we make decisions we often do so in the here and now, not necessarily with the future in mind - not for ourselves anyway.

I think employmentwise anyone who is currently out of work for any reason has it extremely hard anyway.

The thought of never working again for the next 30 years is frankly rather depressing...

I'm in a similar position to you, and I agree about having the feeling employers want current experience.

I've taken umpteen evening classes trying to find something I could realistically earn money from - I also don't want to spend the next 20 years totally relying on someone else's salary. Plus I'd like to be able to ease at least a little of the pressure on my DH.

I also volunteer for CAB, which I chose to do partly because it feels more like a 'job' than a volunteering role, and involves learning new skills and following 'professional' guidelines rather than just volunteering my time iykwim (not to denigrate other forms of volunteering, just, for me, I felt this was more akin to a job so would possibly be looked on favourably by potential employers).

I have various ideas about freelancing, which I think would be the best solution for me as I do still want to be able to dictate my own hours, but whether anything comes of them remains to be seen.

In answer to your opening post, I think I knew it wouldn't be easy for me to return to work (especially having worked in recruitment), but at the time the choice to give up work was the best one for us as a family.

YANBU - but you're not going to be unemployed for 30 years either!

Yes, it's a challenge, but not an insurmountable one. And work is one bloody challenge after another, this is just a big one to start off with. You have a bit of scrabbling to do - and your first job might not be ideal. But as you've rightly said - once you're in work, other better jobs will be within your grasp.

YANBU but staying at home is a heart not head decision so most people wouldnt think career wise.

I disagree that the decision to SAHM is one of heart over head. There can be excellent rational reasons for SAHMing.

OP you are absolutely right.
I have seen far far too many women who certainly didn't think things through properly.

They now have no prospect of returning to their pre children career, and no skills to transfer. Many have no pension provision either.

I'm not saying women shouldn't SAH but they must must must consdier the ramifications.

I think all SAHMs should have an emergency back up plan if everything falls apart - a pension, savings account, qualifications, a full CV.

YANBU - it's a very valid point. It's certainly not something I really thought about much when I gave up my full-time job when DD1 was 6 months old. I built up some freelance work while the kids were small, but it was hard, and often dull and isolating. However, now that DD2 is also at school, I have just got a 3 day a week job (having been job-hunting for a year) so it IS possible, but in the current climate it isn't easy. It would undoubtedly have been very much harder if I hadn't done the freelance work, or if I wasn't prepared to put the DDs in childcare at all.

I agree that it's extremely difficult to get back into work after a prolonged period as a SAHM. Also, in this economic climate I feel it would be unwise (for us) to be relying on one salary, although we could probably cut back (radically) and survive on just DH's.

However, if I could afford it and could afford to give my children all they required (education wise) in the future, I definitely would be a SAHM.

YANBU. I remember crying when I left work 4 years ago to be a SAHM. I was terribly excited about having time off with my DD, but I loved my job and worried I would not be able to get back into it after such a long break. Luckily though I am a teacher so I kept my hand in by doing an afternoon/morning of supply at my old school very infrequently. It helped me keep in touch with what was going on and made sure the school didn't forget me. Now I am ready to go back ft, I have been lucky to get a ft maternity leave cover at my old school. I know this is very very lucky as now I will have 6 months current experience on my CV when it comes to finding a permanent job next Autumn. I know I am very lucky as you are right to say employers don't really wan't someone who chooses to be a SAHMand watches Jezza all day

With some forethought there is no reason why a short period SAH should have much impact on ones career. It could even be beneficial if properly considered.

But the key factor is forward thinking and consideration rather than just assuming one can pick up where one left, or giving it no thought at all.

Interesting. This is something I have been considering, as DP and I will be having children (hopefully) within the next few years, and to be honest, I'm freaking out.

I currently work in the City, due to cuts (so having to take on extra work) it's quite stressy; DP's job is ridiculously stressy (spent the last few weeks working 8 am to 10pm) and we honestly couldn't keep up with this and have children, and actually see the children, so I'm thinking of what options there are.

I don't think I could handle being a SAHM, all day at home. But then at other times (when having to deal with annoying stuff at work) I think that not working wouldn't be the worst thing ever. But again, I've supported myself financially for years, I would hate to not do that anymore.

It's not easy (and this is in the very early planning stages, not the execution)

Start your own business. There is loads of government support atm and you may get a grant...think about what your ideal position would be and make it happen.

Bonsoir
How could giving up your education and career to stay home for a few years not be a head decision?
Realistically you are giving up any chances of a career to stay home with children who only need you at that intensity for a short period. I think the balanced approach is to try and cut back hours and days and do both, I did this and my career has suffered but my children are doing great and for me that is more important but my heart ruled that decision.
I think that for some women being at home is the end goal, and they just potter along with careers/jobs until they have children. I think the OP is not referring to them, she is more referring to women who actually give up careers and then are shocked when they cant get back to them.

I really applaud your post OP.

I left a well paid job in the media two years ago when I had my first DC. I knew the long hours and the environment were not child friendly and although I miss the buzz of working in central London, it was definitely the right choice at the time.

When we recruited, I'm afraid to say that we always had applications from mums returning to work after several years at home and they very rarely got to the interview stage purely because of the amount of time they had been out of the workplace.

A part of me would like to be a SAHM but for many reasons I am still working and will probably return to work after my second DC is born next year even though the daycare fees are crippling.

The area that I work in (mostly PR/Communications) even two years out of its working environment would have a negative impact on my career and would more than likely make me unemployable. For instance, in the year I was out, social networking took off in a big way and it was essential I knew how it worked in the jobs I applied for after my first DC was born. I can't imagine how on earth I'd keep up to date with new trends if I took off more than a year.

The other factor for me when deciding to carry on working was my pension. DH at that time did not have any pension at all, and mine was the only one going. If I'd stopped work the effects on our long term future would have been catastrophic.

Did you know that, assuming you start paying into a pension at 20 and carry on till you're 65, but stop for 10 years in your late twenties/thirties, you stand to lose about a third of your pension?

I agree completely. I'm now in that position. Despite tons of qualifications i'm now contemplating a minimum wage job just to get back in the market. How depressing to work out how many hours I will have to work to pay for something when years ago I earned 6 times as much per hour. I will work 3 hours to pay for a half hour riding lesson for my DD.- awaits flaming! I suppose it's a welcome back to the real world though. I'm hoping that I will get more confidence as that has definitely been lost and will think about re-training when childcare is no longer an issue.

Wordfactory there is no point in kidding women that staying home doesnt adversely affect your career. Any career that isnt impacted is the exception rather than the rule. Women should at least be aware of this when they make that decision.

I think YANBU, and I worry about it, but I can't see any other choice because we simply can't afford the childcare costs of 2dc, even shopping around for the cheapest childminder possible.

Options wise, I think I will either have to try and get weekend agency work to keep my hand in or start my own business.

It probably worries me more because I really want to be back at work and didn't expect to be a SAHP, so get pretty fed up at home some days.

I looked at the bigger picture before I made a decision.
Although the wage I would get would be eaten up by childminding cost (at one point nearly £500 a week for the two boys) I figured I was still paying into a pension scheme, I was keeping money coming into the house and things did get easier.

I am glad that I did. I had a job that wasn't 9-5 so sometimes I was at work when the boys were asleep and although it was full time I had three days off in the week( worked long days) DH would bring them to work so I could spend time with them. I was lucky because I could put requests in and swop shifts so I never missed a sports day, nativity or anything that was important. I picked them up several times a week from school or from the childminders an hour after school.

It worked out well in our case. No family has an easy choice, even if they can afford one parent not to be working.
I always thought that I don't know the future. I don't know if DH will leave me, die, be in a serious accident, become disabled. What then? This is why I need to have my own income (for the family obviously)

Have a lot of sympathy for what you're saying OP.

But the bottom line for me is that going back to work full-time would have given my children a poor quality of life, so I didn't do it.

Have kept my hand in - I have gone from classroom teaching in the FE sector into training, which I do part time and enjoy very much. But financially and professionally I have still lost out.

However, the way I look at it is this: I'm simply going to have to be more enterprising and find a new way to make a living than just a salaried job.

I think you have to be a LOT more entrepreneurial as a mum seeking a return to economic productiveness!

YANBU but it is not totally impossible, I know several mothers who have been able to find part time professional jobs again after a period of being either a SAHM (this includes me) or working in a supermarket type job, but nearly every single one has got their job through networking not applying for jobs that have been advertised. Small businesses often like to recruit that way as it saves a lot of time and money and they are quite often open to part time work as it keeps their costs down, or there might simply not be enough work in that particular role for a FTE. So my advice would be, as others have said, try and find some semi-professional-type volunteering role (CAB being a very good example) and put the word out among everyone you know that you are looking for work and what type of role you had before.

lizzie I think women and men can make short career breaks work with some planning.

Over the space of my career I have taken breaks for a variety of reasons (to live abroad, to SAH, to write a book) and with careful planning it has never proved problematic to gte back into my profession (I'm a lawyer).
But the devil is in the detail and I had to take certain action to make it so.

YANBU, I gave up work (and potentially a very good career) to care for DS, as his care needs increased. I had two DCs and managed to get back to work both times. Although me giving up work was a must I can't help but feel frustrated. Its hard volunteering due to the unpredictability of DS's needs meaning I can be unavaliable for long periods of time.

However, I have been studying towards the original career, and hopefully if DS improves next year, my studies will be an advantage. I am also looking another options should a job not be available. It can be difficult keeping involved in business, but it is important to avoid being completely unemployable, especially as there are so many people looking for work.

Wordfactory
Perhaps your specialty makes that possible. My SIL is also a lawyer, gave up after her 1st DC and stayed out until the 2nd was 2. She is now trying to get back in and she can't. She can brush up her skills but in the area of the law she is in, to step off means to step back.