To think that many sahms don't consider the long-term implications when deciding to give up work? ***this is not a sahm vs wohm debate***

[wannaBe]

This is not a thread criticizing anyone or their decisions...

When I decided to give up work to bring up DS, I did so in the knowledge that for me, staying at home with my dc was the best thing. We were fortunate as well in that financially we could afford for me to stay at home.

Back then, I had in mind that we would have two children, so realistically would have at least eight years at home until the youngest started school, and even then, going back to work wouldn't necessarily be something I would consider as would want to be there for after school/holidays etc, and finding a job that fits in with the above is almost impossible.

So, fast forward nine years and the two children we'd planned to have turned out to only be one, and I've been a sahm for that long, although I have done volunteering in that time (reading/helping in school/chair of governors/PTA etc...) so haven't been sat on my arse as such (although the amount of time I've spent on mn does contradict that statement somewhat, )

Now I'm in a position where I want to go back to work. Actually, I've been in that position for about the past 1.5/2 years but due to circumstances such as moving areas etc have only just been able to start exploring the possibility seriously.

And I've come to a realization which, although I guess I knew deep down, I never contemplated until now. Even if you take the fact that there are very few jobs for far too many applicants in the current climate, the one thing that employers seem to want above anything else is experience, and current experience at that.

And if you haven't worked for a number of years then the reality is that they will take the person who has worked more recently, every time. And as employers currently have the pick of applicants (regardless of who you are) the chances of getting a job in the current climate if you've been bringing up your children for the past however many years is minimal.

So what I've basically realized is that being a sahm has made me unemployable.

I don't regret my decision for a second. You can't ever get that time with your children again and I'm glad that I had that opportunity and took it.

But in retrospect I do wonder whether I should have sought even a part time work opportunity sooner - even if it was something minimal.

And equally I realize that you can't tell someone who is just choosing to give up work to be with their children that they may find that they're unemployable ten years down the line when the kids are at school and they want to go back to work again without seeming like you're criticizing their decision/lifestyle.

When we make decisions we often do so in the here and now, not necessarily with the future in mind - not for ourselves anyway.

I think employmentwise anyone who is currently out of work for any reason has it extremely hard anyway.

The thought of never working again for the next 30 years is frankly rather depressing...

Yanbu- that's before you start to consider the lack of pension provision!

Tbh if I think to when I'm hiring, I'm not really sure volunteering would cut it. As the OP said there are a glut of people with actual recent relevant experience available now.

I would potentially look at the sahm period as an opportunity to retrain or upskill, so you have something in addition to your old cv to offer the Market.

I think another problem is that upon starting a family it's quite common to move house to a more rural area - the rural idyll. The schools are generally considered to be better, even if this is not the case. Therefore many women end up feeling isolated in new communities with few opportunities.

For example, where i live (Welsh borders) it takes 90 minutes to get to the nearest college (unless you count Shrews / Telford which only do very specific courses and qualifications). Luckily, i'm not in the position to need to do more training but some of my friends have struggled with this exact problem - you can't do everything on the OU.

Moving to the countryside is great in theory but it does limit possibilities.

Good post, wannabe

I too think it is a mistake to take yourself out of the workforce because you have children

I know that childcare costs can sometimes almost mean working just to pay them and that is how it was when my children were younger. But with an eye on the longterm implications of giving up the career I had worked so hard for, it was a sacrifice worth making for a few short years

now my children are in high school, my wage is what is actually keeping us afloat during a recession (DH is in a very recession-hit area of work), and we have no childcare to pay so I thank God for the decision we made back then

removing your options so comprehensively is never a good idea in this uncertain world, IMO

lizzie that's a shame for your SIL.

To be fair I would not take a blanket two years off work. I have always interspersed periods of time out of the work place with short term contracts covering ML leave etc. It's impoortant that there are no holes in ones CV.

In fact it is now six years since I worked FT as a lawyer but my CV doesn't reflect that iyswim.

Wordfactory
I think the time is the issue - 6 months to at most a year (maternity leave time) is do able as companies often expect these type of breaks but anything more leaves you very exposed. It is a shame as she really didnt think it through when she gave up. Its just that emotionally she just couldnt leave her baby and I do understand that feeling.

I have to admit that this was partly why I decided to go back to work full time and its also why my DH won't consider being a SAHD even though we could afford to live on my salary.

It was hard enough to get back into what I was doing after taking a years Mat leave off let alone more.

As someone who regularly interviews people we have gone up in recent years from having 2-10 applicants per job to 30-40 and the reality is that those with recent experience are the ones who will get the interview. Volunteering in a non-related field just doesn't cut it and to be honest, recent education courses don't always do it either, unless its a good one.

My advice to anyone who wants to get back into work is to sign up to temping agencies as it will increase your recent experience and also can be a really good way into a perm job. We've employed temps permanently above other candidates if they have shown they can do the job as we don't have to retrain.

An interesting and balanced OP - thanks Wannabe. I think it probably sums up the reasons that I went back to work after 6 months mat leave (just when I was starting to enjoy it and established some new friendships!)

We could have afforded for me to stay at home, and I left a v well paid (self employed) but demanding management consultancy job. I decided to move into a different sector that offered a better work/life balance. Because I had only had 6 months off (and did a couple of minor projects in that time), no one saw my experience as anything less than current. I earn less than I did before, but still a v good wage. I had spent qiute a few years building up my CV pre DD, and I think if you avoid taking time out of the labour market, and have a competitive CV, then it is possible to apply for jobs and say 'I would like to do a day a week at home/flexible working/compressed hours/part time. You are in a position of strength. It is a LOT harder to do this if you have been out of the market for 2/3/4 years and are trying to ask for these things.

There have been times when all the juggling seemed bloody hard (DH v hands on, but in the military and often overseas, so there are limits to hand on he can be!, but overall I don't regret it.

CupAndSorcery what you say about the rural idyll is so true. Maybe I'm looking back with rose-tinted lenses but I can't help thinking that, had we stayed in the metropolis, I would not now be finding my options for re-training so limited. I agree with Barf re. courses not being as relevant as recent experience, but I could feasibly have done teacher training or a Master's which might have enabled me to teach in FE, but now there just isn't that possibility.

As I said, I'm now looking at practical courses which will enable me to freelance somehow (calling it 'starting my own business' seems a stretch for sonething which is unlikely to net what anyone would call a living wage), but even then options are severely limited.

It's not just the fact of giving up work that makes a difference - you need to keep your options open in more ways than the obvious professional ones.

I have been doing voluntary work since my youngest went to school. I go on office training courses, (just did a whole day on Office 2010) and keep myself busy. If I decided to go back to work, I would have the skills I need and I know I would have decent references from them.

I wouldn't be in the same job though, it wouldn't be conducive to family life, as it was flexible to suit the clientele. I wouldn't do that now.

At the time I was happy to leave work, it was very demanding and my blood pressure was through the roof, so was signed off early. It was the best decision at the time and so far, I've not wished I'd made a different one.

Whether I'll be saying that when the last one leaves me for university, I don't know. We'll see.

It's not just taking home no money for us with childcare, it means taking a loss - I was still an entry level with DD, doing training while I built up experience in the field at NMW. DH's wages just aren't high enough to cover the extra we would need to cover childcare and my transport and keep paying the rent.

It's not a loosing out on benefits if I was working situation either, we don't get much TC anyway, just stuck in the middle with the high cost of housing and childcare dominating everything.

I think it is easy to say that choosing to be a SAHM years ago was a bad move in the context of the current economic climate as obviously there are a lot of arguements to back this up but it has always been a barrier for women and it is shocking that this hasn't really changed.

I am glad I made the decision to be at home for my first born and now my second. So in total I have left the world of work for 4.5 years now but I felt strongly that I did not want to see him for an hour every evening and 2 days at the weekend. My DS is now at school and DD is 8 months and essentially I am facilitating my DP's career as with 2 parents commuting to London it wouldn't have worked.

I had a good job in the most central Government office you can think of. It wasn't particularly well paid but the Kudos that accompanied the job, being in 'The Thick of It', I miss but I would've missed DS more.

I think's it's about being creative with what you do about it now and to try and not to feel defeated before you've begun!

I agree, my SIL has always been a SAHM

now her cheating bullying shit of a husband has gone bankrupt

she is FUCKED, and of course she cant get a job

whatever gender I always think its a risk to cut yourself out of the job market

SAHM, or SAHD

Love, things are rough out there at the moment.
The only sensible thing to do is LIE!!!
On your CV I mean. Do you have any friends with a business who could say they have been employing you and provide a reference?
If so, do it.
You still might not get a job, as they are like gold dust right now, but it would give you a fighting chance.

I agree cup and sorcery-I am actually planning a move back to London..where there might be some work!(please God)

YANBU.

I have found that doing voluntary work isn't worth a hill of beans to employers. I volunteered, doing what was basically the equivalent of a professional job, using a professional qualification that I hold, and it certainly didn't help me at all. I stopped doing that to do a low-paid, low-quality job and found that I walked straight into another job from that. Employers just don't seem to view voluntary work as having any value, in my experience.

I am hoping to do some different voluntary work in the new year but that is just becuase it is something I want to do. It is a different type of work, and pretty menial, and I know it won't help me find paid work in the long run.

I can't see me ever finding paid work again. There is a two-day selection process to work in my local supermarket.

Choosing to be a SAHM was a huge mistake for me. Not having my own job has limited my life choices. I'd be quite happy to work doing something boring at minimum wage if I could find something. I don't think I will ever be economically active again, let alone financially independent. I worry about my future every day.

YANBU - but I think it is partly the current climate. When I had children, I left to go freelance using my degree. Ten years later, I have little work, and also cannot get a job. I have plenty of voluntary experience, no shortage of confidence, and excellent references. However, employers have a wealth of applicants and can pick and chose. As I am now approaching 50, it is even tougher.

Many of the jobs my friends are doing are "women's jobs" - for example, TAs, which are badly paid, and for which they are well overqualified. I would like a meaty job . However, failing that, any old job would do...

However, I also know people who kept up their job, were made redundant, and are in exactly the same position as me.

YANBU - I am in a similar position. Job hunting is soul destroying.

If I had kept working, stayed on the same track as former colleagues, we would now be very well off. Now, I just can't get a job at all. Any job.

If childcare and transport etc mean that working full time is not worth it in the short term, it probably still is in the longer term.

This has a huge amount to do with the current market. Employers used to recognise the experience and value of Mum's who had taken 5 years out but prior to that had 10 years good quality full time experience. Now they just want the cheapest they can find.

I don't think being made homeless would help, tbh

unfortunately working as a temp isn't an option for me due to access issues i.e. screenreaders and such like which I need to do any computer based job. Access to work simply won't fund that kind of technology for a temp job.

In fact access to work won't fund the full cost of adaptive technology any more which puts the onus on employers to do so (depending on the size of the company). So if an employer has two choices of applicant, one of whom needs thousands of £s of equipment (which they have to pay for) and the othe r doesn't, who are they likely to employ...? in fact the government's updated procedures (dating back to the labour government a couple of years ago) actively discourages employers from employing people with disabilities who need adaptations.

I have considered going into the access tech field to consult for employers/and/or setting up a proper recruitment agency for those with disabilities (there is one out there I believe but they have an awful reputation) but I'm not entirely sure this is the right climate to be setting something like that up because of just how hard it is anyway iyswim.

nativitywreck thats really not good advice.

Yes you can lie on an application, but it will become glaringly obvious if you get to interview and can't answer the questions to the same level as someone who has genuinely got the experience can do. Also, the last person we found had lied, we sacked immediately. Just saying.

I have a slightly different perspective.

I work in a professional job very much part time and despite being more focused when I am at work than my colleagues I am invariably thought of a being more junior/less committed/compromised in some way. Despite the fact that my daily rate is the same as full time employees and despite the fact I work longer hours (for free) on the days I'm in.

I work because we need the money and I thought it would "keep my hand in" but there are many days when I wonder if it would be better (if we could have done) for me to take a career break and come back when I could do more hours and hopefully be perceived as being more committed.

Sometimes I wonder if there is the perfect solution out there?

Cretaceous - retrain as a butcher