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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not pay twice for the teachers present?

136 replies

christmasturkey · 13/12/2011 07:00

The class mum has informed me that I have not paid towards the teachers christmas present "as I have not signed the card". But I paid the day after she asked and did not sign a card because she didn't have one then. I feel so embarrassed as this woman is telling everyone i didn't pay but i really don't want to pay another 20 quid.
I asked her to check her money as maybe she is over but there is a chance she may have accidently spent it and so the money is not over?
Or shall I just pay again?

OP posts:

ableseawoman · 13/12/2011 07:07

You paid 20 pounds for the present? Was the teacher retiring after 40 years service?

Tell her you've paid, anyway. Don't pay again.

YellowDinosaur · 13/12/2011 07:07

Why did you ask her to check the money and not just say 'X I've already paid and didn't sign the card as you hadn't bought it when I gave you the £20. Can I have the card to sign please?'. Stand your ground!

I'm also not going to be the only one who is at everyone in the class contributing £20 for a christmas present - thats more than I spend on some family and friends, and while teachers do a great job and I'd get a small present from my sons, I can't imagine as a class giving a present worth up to £600 (assuming 30 in a class) . Surely the purpose of a shared gift is that you don't have to spend as much to get something meaningful and if I were asked to contribute £20 I'd politely decline and say I was doing my own thing

Megatron · 13/12/2011 07:08

Do NOT pay again! Remind her again that you have already paid her and ask her what she has done with your money!

Shutupanddrive · 13/12/2011 07:08

I assume this is a pisstake

EdithWeston · 13/12/2011 07:10

Stand your ground.

Tell everyone you paid, in good faith, on the very first day before the card was bought. You had totally trusted the collector at that stage, and she should know from the total amount that there were more contributions than signatures. You are now rather concerned about the integrity of the collection, and will never hand anything over on trust again - and add that it's such a shame.

BTW: you'll have to organise collections in future, if any parents are still talking to each other at the end of this sort of claim/counter-claim. Or you do none of the above - but never contribute to group presents ever again, explaining why each time.

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 13/12/2011 07:11

no way does she not remember that! Did no conversation take place? Have you tried to jog her memory - I paid on X, you came up to me and said... we were in the ...

Was anyone else around? Can you remember what she was wearing? Can you remember anything she said?

And don't accept her going round telling people that! in the first place you're under no obligation anyway! What if you didn't want to, what if you couldn't afford it? She's got no business involving other people. How dare she?!

I have a very unfortunate evil streak so based on the fact that she has chosen to involve other people and basically badmouth - I would be going on the attack. "I paid the day after she asked and she hadn't got the card. So she took my £20 and now she's claiming I never gave it. I suppose she could have forgotten, but that's £20 extra in her purse, isn't it? I wonder why she can't find it..."

But don't do that it's not a very attractive trait.

Probably assertive might be the way to go? "I HAVE given you £20. I am not prepared to give you another £20. If you can't find it, or you've spent it, you will have to put it back in yourself. And please don't go around gossiping about me."

How very convenient for her that she has no memory of taking this money from you.

Original poster

christmasturkey · 13/12/2011 07:29

I know it is a ridiculous amount but that's how much everyone puts in and anyone questioning it soon gets put in their place. I actually don't mind that part of it - easier than going out and buying something. I was class Mum last year and I know it's a rubbish job.
I really don't want to do it again but i feel like I should have asked for a receipt :0)
It's very ackward - most of the mum's consider this mum a bit unhinged so I will probably just say look I have paid and I'm not paying again. I don't want to cause a big fuss but equally don't want people thinking I wouldn't pay!

OP posts:

Esta3GG · 13/12/2011 07:30

What is a class mum?
When did it become compulsory to chip in to buy the bleedin' teacher a bleedin' present?
You were a a mug to cough up £20 in the first place. Of course you shouldn't give her another twenty quid.

Original poster

christmasturkey · 13/12/2011 07:30

I am not suggesting she has stolen it BTW she probably just stuck it in her pocket or something and forgot

OP posts:

MabelLucyAttwell · 13/12/2011 07:35

£20!!!!? I don't even give my grandchildren this much!

In whcih part of Mayfair is the school situated?

diabolo · 13/12/2011 07:39

you say "that's how much everyone puts in and anyone questioning it soon gets put in their place".

How old are you? Do you not have a mind of your own or are you happy to be a sheep? So what if some pathetic uber-mummies slag you off in the playground?

I don't mean to put the boot in OP, but there is more to life than being part of the "in-crowd" at the school gate. You need to grow a pair of balls, fast!

Original poster

christmasturkey · 13/12/2011 07:44

Yes you are right diablo! but i'm too scared

OP posts:

Esta3GG · 13/12/2011 07:47

Absolutely diabolo
And what is more OP if you stand your ground you will probably find that a load of other women come to their senses and stop this ridiculous practice too.

pigletmania · 13/12/2011 07:48

That is a ludricous amount of money , what are you going to get her a Cartier watch! What about those who cannot afford to pay that amount! Just tell her you have paid, and that she should have written it down, and been better organised, touch shit.

pigletmania · 13/12/2011 07:49

Exactly diabolo! I personally would have told her no, I am doing my own thanks!

Ragwort · 13/12/2011 07:51

Why on earth do you each pay £20 - it is an outrageous amount to spend on anyone's a teacher gift - what sort of school is this?

usualsuspect · 13/12/2011 07:52

£20 are you having a laugh ?

I wouldn't have paid it the first time,let alone think about paying it again

KinkyDoritoWithFairyLightsOn · 13/12/2011 07:54

I want to be a teacher at your school .

ChildofIsis · 13/12/2011 07:54

I won't be getting DD's teacher anything this year as I'm skint due to xh leaving. DD will make something.

£20 is what I've spent on DD's main present.
It's ludicrous to suggest every mum in a class of 25 give £20.
DD's school would get very upset if that amount was being spent.
I'm sure it must be embarrassing for the teachers.

TheOriginalFAB · 13/12/2011 07:59

Do not pay again.

Get the card off her and sign it.

Tell her to stop slandering you.

Learn to say no.

aldiwhore · 13/12/2011 08:00

I was Class Rep for 4 years (argh) and NEVER asked for more than a fiver off anyone who wanted to put in... I never once put in, my son usually makes cookies, or I buy something myself. I hate the en masse gift giving trend, I like gift giving, but £20 per person? Its silly.

A gift to a teacher in my opinion should be from the child or parent to say thank you, not a desperate collection so teach can go buy a new coat.

I'm not ungrateful, quite the opposite.

Standyour ground OP, hold your nerve, say NO. Most teachers at my school find it all pretty weird.... though of course they never refuse their £200+ gift voucher (neither would I).

Original poster

christmasturkey · 13/12/2011 08:11

I know the amount is stupid - but it is a private school and the class size is small but nevertheless they do still get alot of money really.
I know what you are all saying and do agree 20 is alot but I am definitely not saying anything now or they'll all think I really didn't pay :0)

OP posts:

Callisto · 13/12/2011 08:12

I would have refused to pay £20 in the first place (or any amount as but I don't believe I should have to tip teachers for doing their job). As for being 'put in my place'? Jesus how old are you lot?

clam · 13/12/2011 08:13

£20????!!!! Each??

VirtuallyHere · 13/12/2011 08:16

Twenty pounds is a lot. We did eight pounds at our school with 2 classes of 16. I thought this was a lot but we did then buy gifts for 3 teachers, 6 teaching assistants and a couple of other staff so it went a long way.

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