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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not pay twice for the teachers present?

136 replies

christmasturkey · 13/12/2011 07:00

The class mum has informed me that I have not paid towards the teachers christmas present "as I have not signed the card". But I paid the day after she asked and did not sign a card because she didn't have one then. I feel so embarrassed as this woman is telling everyone i didn't pay but i really don't want to pay another 20 quid.
I asked her to check her money as maybe she is over but there is a chance she may have accidently spent it and so the money is not over?
Or shall I just pay again?

OP posts:
HelloShitty · 13/12/2011 08:25

This is obviously not a local authority as teachers are not allowed to accept gifts with a value higher than (I think) £3. I should imagine other schools have policies in place too. It seems very strange (and a little corrupt) to spend that much on a teacher, no matter how much you appreciate them. I wouldn't donate at all, and I'm a teacher.

exoticfruits · 13/12/2011 08:32

You obviously haven't read the other thread HelloShitty, started by crabapple. LEAs do not have such a policy.(Crabapple was proved wrong by everyone)
However £20 is utter madness. I don't spend that much on nephews and neices!
Luckily we have never had collections. If you have paid just tell her that you are going to sign. Next year you can do your own thing and don't get involved. You can get something for around £3 that is perfectly decent.

diddl · 13/12/2011 08:34

We usually give 50cts, sometimes 1?.

That´s per child per teacher.

They both have 2 form teachers so that´s never more that 2? per child.

There are times when living in Germany has it´s upsidesXmas Grin

echt · 13/12/2011 08:41

HelloShitty love your name.

Apart from that, in response to whoever said it, the very idea of saying how much should be given is anathema to me. I say whatever you'd like, and don't look as someone donates.

If I detest them, I say 10 dollars.:o

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 13/12/2011 08:44

I thought teachers had to fill out all kinds of forms if they got a gift of over a certain amount.
Is this a private school with a small class?
It cant possibly be a state school with 30 kids?
£20 a pop.

£600! Xmas Shock

(please God I added that up properly or the MNers will get me)

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 13/12/2011 08:45

oh ok they dont.

But still - Fecking hell!

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 13/12/2011 08:47

Am I the only person meany that doesnt buy presents for teachers?

Its not that I dont appreciate teachers, I really, really do.
I dont get all the present buying.
Is it because I am old Xmas Sad

OriginalChristmasPoster · 13/12/2011 08:49

Me too, Mrs DeVere

No problem with others who want to do it, though.

OriginalChristmasPoster · 13/12/2011 08:50

I am also old, so that might be it. My mum certainly never gave the teachers anything.

echt · 13/12/2011 08:54

I am old. And a teacher. I expect no pressies or cards from parents or students.

I receive them at times, and it's always pleasant, but the collection smacks of a gift for job you should be doing anyway.

daveywarbeck · 13/12/2011 08:55

This must be a private school in a very affluent area then. We are all too crippled by fees to be spaffing £20 on a present for the teacher. Actually I have no intention of buying DS's teacher a present at all.

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 08:57

I am a teacher. I don't buy presents for teachers or contribute to gift kitties. I write a nice note in the card to let them know how much I appreciate them and, if I can, find something to say about my child that is directly linked to their efforts.

The standard is between £10 and £20 in to the teacher's present kitty at our DD's school too.

It's shared out amongst the teachers and TAs in the year group.

So potentially that is £10 x 60 families = £600

or £20 x 60 families = £1200 at the upper limit!!!!

Divided between 2 teachers and 2 TAs - means somewhere between £150 and £300 per person!!!! The mums in charge then get John Lewis vouchers. I think I've been working in the wrong schools!

My friend 'only' contributed £10 last year. She felt really guilty when she found out that everyone else she spoke to had put in £20 Hmm so this year she has done the same Shock

I've never heard of a £3 cap or a policy. I have received gifts of over £3 and never filled in a form.

wonkylegs · 13/12/2011 08:59

That's how much I've spent on my niece and I'm related to her!

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 09:01

I live in a nice area. Some very affluent people, some not so, but it's a very petit-bourgeois so everyone's very concerned with 'doing the right thing' so I suspect that people are contributing this amount so that they are not viewed as not being able to afford to contribute that amount. Whether they can actually afford to or not!

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 09:01

Exactly wonkylegs. It's more than I spend on some members of my own family!

clam · 13/12/2011 09:06

How on earth would it work to fill out a bloody form for any gifts worth over £3? How would you even know? Some boxes of chocolates might be more than that. What about 3 for 2 offers from Boots? What about something that was reduced in a sale or from TKMaxx? Or secondhand?
Could never work.

clam · 13/12/2011 09:08

And if the class rep really is mouthing off to other mums that you haven't paid, then it's all the more important that you put your side and say emphatically that you absolutely have and that she must be mistaken. Don't let her 'diss' your name like that.

HelloShitty · 13/12/2011 09:09

exoticfruits You obviously haven't read the other thread HelloShitty, started by crabapple. LEAs do not have such a policy.(Crabapple was proved wrong by everyone)

No, I didn't read it. But I have been a teacher for 15 years, worked for 3 different LEAs, and they've all had a gift policy. But if Mumsnet says I'm wrong then I'll disregard it and watch the gift vouchers flood in.

I have a teacher friend in South Korea who gets mega presents off her parents - designer handbags, expensive perfume, large wads of cash, etc. It's all unfortunately a sweetener to ensure their kids get good grades.

wonkylegs · 13/12/2011 09:15

As a private school there is actually a possibility that it should consider a cap or at least a gift register (open for anyone to view) as it would ensure that they (as a private institution ) do not fall foul of the bribery act. Although this is not a necessity it is best practice as it avoids any claims of impropriety - some LEA's, most public organisations and large companies actually do this for this very reason. Although prosecution under the new act is unlikely organisations find it easier to do it in the first place rather than deal with an accusation further down the line. In my company we are allowed to accept gifts up to £20 after that we must register them in a company register or refuse them.

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 09:19

wonky I've only worked in 2 different LAs and 3 different schools, but I've never herd of a cap!

You need to find a new LA!!!! And I need to find schools in better areas.

Actually, perhaps they only have caps in areas where the parents could afford to pay for a new extension for the teacher's house if little Jimmy gets a level 5 in his SATS.... Grin

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 09:20

Sorry wonky that was for HelloShitty Blush

HelloShitty · 13/12/2011 09:27

FolkGirl You need to find a new LA!!!!

I definitely do! Or just move into the private sector.

Principality · 13/12/2011 09:28

Christmasturkey

Is your school a prep school in Herts, "down the lanes" :O

I think it may be my son's school...

I refused to cough up £20. We struggle to send him there and go without a lot in order to do so. Ihave spend £15 on DS2 main present I am not spending £20 on DS1's (very nice) teacher!

I am still hiding from the class rep

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/12/2011 10:00

OP - I think you should speak to the class Mum very publically about this - say that you paid her before she'd got the card, and don't appreciate either being asked to pay again or the fact that she is badmouthing you in the playground. I would mention asking for a receipt next time. Tbh, I would be extremely cross about this.

Did any other mums pay her at the same time as you - so there would be other mums who could back you up on the fact that some of you paid before she got the card?

I've actually been the person responsible for collecting the money for a teacher's leaving present, and there is no way in hell I would have accused anyone of not paying if they told me they had. And at the same time as we collected money for a gift (and certainly nothing like £20 a head either), we also got the children to draw a picture of themselves, and we put them all in a nice scrapbook for the teacher, as a reminder of her last class - and I think she liked that as much as the gift, if not more.

Original poster
christmasturkey · 13/12/2011 11:05

No nobody saw me give it to her - it was in passing but I do remember what she had on so may mention that and see if it jogs her memory.
I knew we couldn't be the only school with such a "policy" - as no not in herts. and seems to be going on for years and every class in the school pays the same amount although would you believe lots of mum's pay more this is considered the minimum to pay TBH.
It's interesting that eveyone is pretty outraged as I do think its a bit mad but have just done it for yearsXmas Blush.

OP posts:
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