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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not pay twice for the teachers present?

136 replies

christmasturkey · 13/12/2011 07:00

The class mum has informed me that I have not paid towards the teachers christmas present "as I have not signed the card". But I paid the day after she asked and did not sign a card because she didn't have one then. I feel so embarrassed as this woman is telling everyone i didn't pay but i really don't want to pay another 20 quid.
I asked her to check her money as maybe she is over but there is a chance she may have accidently spent it and so the money is not over?
Or shall I just pay again?

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 14/12/2011 17:48

In reply to Greeensleeves

reelingintheyears · 14/12/2011 17:49

So if you have 30 children in your class you can expect a present worth £600....fucking

diabolo · 14/12/2011 17:50

This competitiveness over presents to teachers isn't just limited to the private sector either - I work in a school in a fairly rough area, but some of the better off parents there buy presents for every teacher, not just their own DC's. Why? Why? Why?

At DS's old state primary, there was a section of Mum's, (mostly the PTA) who just had to be top of the tree, very obviously carrying bottles and bottles of gift wrapped champagne in on the last day of term with that air of importance and smugness that sadly some mummies have.

Drives me mad. Come on OP, rebel, and you can change this awful system!

reelingintheyears · 14/12/2011 17:51

What utter bollocks.

exoticfruits · 14/12/2011 18:01

I wondered how long before the PTA got their usual kicking-I really don't know why they bother.

exoticfruits · 14/12/2011 18:02

You do not have to buy a present-lots of DCs don't. It isn't held against them!!!

diabolo · 14/12/2011 18:18

exotic this particular PTA were ghastly. The PTA at DS's current school are lovely.

HintofBream · 14/12/2011 18:28

I think £20 per pupil is an inspired idea. My DH is head of a school with 1,000
plus students. £20,000. Yes please!

Xales · 14/12/2011 18:37

At DS's school someone once asked all of us to contribute £20 or so each to a flight for one of the teacher to go home to see his wife and children in Africa as he had not seen them for a couple of years. Lovely idea...

A letter soon came out from the head saying this was completely unsupported by the school etc I think a couple of parents must have got in touch and gone WTF!

exoticfruits · 14/12/2011 19:27

I will forgive you diabolo.

JaneBirkin · 14/12/2011 19:38

oh this sounds awful. OP, I hope you sort it. In fact ask for your contribution BACK. She sounds nuts.

I've been asked to give a fiver for our teacher as she's leaving, temporarily, but I've refused as I don't like her. Thankfully I'm not the only one.

The mum collecting donations understood and put no pressure on me at all though tbh in this sort of scheme I think a lot of people feel it's something they 'ought' to toe the line on, as they will feel like renegades if they don't.

So it's implicit pressure. I hate it. We bought a tiny present worth 2.99 for the teacher we LIKE, as we wanted to show how much we appreciated the work and effort she has put in. The horrible one is getting nothing from us, because that sends entirely the wrong message, ie you can be a rubbish teacher (on balance) and get away with it.

I think competitive gifting is what's going on in many of these places and it's just terrible.

Mutt · 14/12/2011 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GetDownNesbitt · 14/12/2011 20:20

Twenty quid?

Blimey. I must very unpopular. I get bog all.

mumblecrumble · 14/12/2011 20:24

Good.

Lord.

WHat dot hey do with all the money then whenm its collected?

My 4 year olds teacher and the assistant is being sent a snall homemade fruit cake with icing and a star on.....

My class of 17 year olds will get me nowt but told me they had learnt loads of cool stuff this term and liked some classical music.... thats enough for me...

Though Id love a chocolete orange.....

cheekeyiownitmonkey · 14/12/2011 20:37

Oh my dear God!

BleurghUna · 14/12/2011 20:46

£20! It sounds as if this woman is not trustworthy to handle other people's money! She should keep a record of who has paid and how much. And she should be discreet and not gossip about who has given what.
Definitely don't give any more but do sign the card.

GobHoblin · 14/12/2011 20:46

Confront her back, publicly.
£20 is bloody ridiculous IMO
I have ended up collecting money for a joint present by accident, i spoke to a friend who talked with a mum that she knew and we decided to club together. It snowballed. I told people weeks ago if they wanted to partake , let me know, if not, no worries. Those that wanted to had the money bag thrust at them, they put in whatever they wanted, took what change they wanted... i have no idea who put in £1 or £10. In my opinion its more practical than 20 boxes of chocolate and 10 mugs with Best teacher on.
I'm off tomorro to get some Boots gift cards.
I buy a gift as i'm delighted with how well my daughter has been settled in her first year at school. I want to show appreciation to a great bunch of staff.
My daughter has made a card. I'm perfectly happy with that.

Everlong · 14/12/2011 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WillowFae · 14/12/2011 21:05

We broke up for Christmas today and as a form tutor I did get presents from my form. Probably about half of them got me something. To be honest I don't expect anything, though of course it is nice. In previous years it has mainly been boxes of chocolates which get shared out among the family on Christmas day. I teach in a private school but £20 each is ridiculous!

silverfrog · 14/12/2011 21:49

dd2 is at private school (well, so is dd1, but a SN school and things are done a bit differently there due to high staff numbers).

I pay £10 per year subs (voluntary, but everyone pays)

this covers:

cost of coffee mornings (2 or 3 a term)
all staff presents - Christmas, birthdays, end of year for teachers and TAs
anything else that crops up (eg bunch of flowers for a family recently bereaved)

I can't believe anyone thinks that £20 just for a single present is acceptable. it's insane.

mumeeee · 14/12/2011 21:54

|Do not pay again and next year don't put $20 inthats way to much. My parents can onlt afford around £15 to £20 each for thier grandchildren,

1111211331 · 14/12/2011 22:17

She is MEAN, she should do what everyone I know does. Give the card to sign, along with an envelope to collect money. Walk off for 2 minutes...... That way, people who don't have the money don't have to put any (or much) in and anyone ese can put what they feel is appropriate. That way, the teacher will have a card full of names and personal messages (which is the best bit anyway, I think so, and I'm a teacher) and there'll be a present which no one's had to feel uncomfortable/ bankrupt themselves over (always a bonus!).

p.s. Callisto, if anyone wants to give a little bit more to a teacher that's fab, you can bet your bottom dollar they're doing above and beyond for your DC's!!

Sarraburd · 14/12/2011 22:40

I just heard of teacher's Christmas collection where each person was asked to give 60 quid (but maybe my friend was teasing me. I do hope so)

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/12/2011 10:10

Any update christmasturkey?

Have you wrestled the harridan to the floor in an armlock until she cried 'uncle' gently reminded the class mum of how you've given her the £20 already?

JinglePosyPerkin · 15/12/2011 10:16

I'm with KinkyDorito. How do we get to be teachers at this school. Do the teachers get to choose their £600 present?

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