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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not pay twice for the teachers present?

136 replies

christmasturkey · 13/12/2011 07:00

The class mum has informed me that I have not paid towards the teachers christmas present "as I have not signed the card". But I paid the day after she asked and did not sign a card because she didn't have one then. I feel so embarrassed as this woman is telling everyone i didn't pay but i really don't want to pay another 20 quid.
I asked her to check her money as maybe she is over but there is a chance she may have accidently spent it and so the money is not over?
Or shall I just pay again?

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 13/12/2011 12:12

tell her to go fuck herself

is she accusing you of being a liar? what a cunt

be brave and tell her where to go!!!!!!

porcamiseria · 13/12/2011 12:12

fucking £20!!!!!!! ridiculous

jeee · 13/12/2011 12:16

If the teacher is getting a gift worth hundreds, I hope that they declare it for tax purposes.

AKMD · 13/12/2011 12:23

What?! £20 per person? That is ridiculous and she is being a cow. Stand up for yourself!

Ragwort · 13/12/2011 15:03

Good point jeee; teachers consider themselves professionals but most professions have very strict rules about accepting gifts. Actually many public service employees are not allowed to accept gifts so I wonder why teachers are excempt ? (obviously I am not talking about a few homemade burnt biscuits Grin)

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 15:11

"teachers consider themselves professionals"

what do you consider them then?

LineRunnerCrouchingReindeer · 13/12/2011 15:58

It sounds like a very vulgar practice.

Ragwort · 13/12/2011 16:18

Quite right FolkGirl that was badly phrased and I apologise.

I guess the point I am trying to make is that in my opinion, it is very unprofessional to accept expensive gifts and I genuinely don't understand why it seems so common place to give teachers presents at the end of term.

It probably is an age thing though as several other posters have said, we never gave teachers presents in my day Grin.

As I always mention on these sorts of threads, I think it is far more appropriate to give (small) gifts/cards to the volunteers who do so much for our chidlren, ie: Brownie Leaders, Sports Coaches etc.

CaptainRex · 13/12/2011 16:33

Im also shocked at the £20 each too.

My child also goes to a private school with small classes, but the reps ask for £5 each from the 45 sets of parents and that gets spent between 3 teachers and TA's and they get very decent presents from it (including champagne one year) so what the hell are your teachers getting?

Id also be the one telling her that Id given it her and so she had better find it and stop spreading gossip

EssexGurl · 13/12/2011 16:35

We do £10 but that covers 2 teachers and 3 TA's! £10 is a rip off. BUT as a class rep myself, I do find people shoving money in my hand just as I am racing off to rescue DD from the climbing frame. Last week I had to rack my brains to remember who had given me the random tenner that was at the bottom of my bag. So, I suppose I am saying I don't disbelieve her when she says that she doesn't remember you giving her the money. But surely she should be able to know from the amounts given that you had already contributed? As others have said, stand your ground and get her to check her figures.

exoticfruits · 13/12/2011 19:00

No, I didn't read it. But I have been a teacher for 15 years, worked for 3 different LEAs, and they've all had a gift policy. But if Mumsnet says I'm wrong then I'll disregard it and watch the gift vouchers flood in

I was a teacher for a lot longer than 15yrs and for more than 3 different LEAs and I have never heard of a gift policy.
I would say that £20 was far too much-it must be a rich area.

irregularegular · 13/12/2011 19:06

Blimey. I'm a class rep and I suggested £3 per parent! Most of that went to the main class teacher, but I got tokens for four other TAs and part-time teachers too. It's a state school, but a pretty affluent village so most people could easily afford more, but that's not the point. It's just supposed to be a nice gesture. We also make cards from little pictures/messages from each of the children.

Like everyone said - tell her to check her totals carefully!

Esta3GG · 13/12/2011 19:20

Am I the only person meany that doesnt buy presents for teachers?

Nope. I don't either.
I think it is an age thing. I am in my 40s.
I would have died if my mother had given my teachers anything.
The only time there was a collection was when someone was leaving/retiring.
I still feel that most of this gift giving is inappropriate brown-nosing and arselickeyness.
Incredible how easily people cave in to peer pressure.

exoticfruits · 13/12/2011 19:35

I don't think that it is peer pressure. I am older than 40 and we only gave the top junior teacher a present because we were old enough to collect among ourselves, because parents didn't organise it in those days. I remember we did the whole thing and got the infant teacher to buy it for us. DCs like it.
I have always got mine to take something in-they wouldn't at secondary but they loved in the primary stage.

MissM · 13/12/2011 20:32

Blimey, I should get me a teaching job in a private school. If this is a Christmas present, how much do they get spent on them at the end of the year?!

twolittlemonkeys · 13/12/2011 20:43

DS2's kindergarten is in a fairly posh area (about a third of the kids go to prep schools afterwards) and one of the pushy mums sends round an email asking for £35 per child to be split between the 6 staff members there. I just ignore, ignore, ignore and give homemade cookies/jam/truffles.

jewelledsky · 13/12/2011 20:58

I can't believe parents are being asked to give £20 each. That is outrageous. I am a teacher. I do not expect to receive any gift at xmas or any other time; I get paid a salary for the work I do. However, I do receive gifts - but I get embarrassed - last year I received a gift worth about £12 quid. I thought it was too much and said i couldn't possibly accept - I only ended up upsetting the child and causing offense to the parent. I wish there was a blanket policy saying 'Thank you for the thought but please don't buy the teachers gifts.'

skybluepearl · 13/12/2011 22:53

just say ' can i sign the card now. don't you remember i gave you the 20 pounds on xx date but you didn't have the card to sign'

Thruaglassdarkly · 14/12/2011 02:51

Why do you even give a shit? OP, that's an insane amount of cash. You paid it, now stand your ground and take the excellent advice of many on here. And next year, try to avoid that competitive private school mum bollocks and do/don't do your own thing.

pigletmania · 14/12/2011 07:38

Even in a private school I would never give that much, you are paying through the nose for your child being there, they are only doing their job. Even if others have done it before, I am sure that there are those who have refused to contribute, I would have said thanks but I am doing my own.

Floggingmolly · 14/12/2011 11:03

She should not be collecting money for any purposes whatsoever without keeping a list and ticking off names, surely? For her own sake, in case of any allegations of anything dodgy. Because it's your word against hers, you know you paid, if she hasn't kept "accounts" as such she can't prove it and if she's handling a large amount of money this puts her in a very bad light. Worse than it does you in fact. Ask loudly why she hasn't marked it down on the list, you may not be the only be that slipped through the net.

oldmerryolesoul · 14/12/2011 11:21

Turn the converstion back on her. Tell her loudly you HAVE given her the money, what have you done with it ? and stare at her

letmehelp · 14/12/2011 11:24

I have nothing to say except £20 Shock

My Dc's teachers are getting 89p boxes of shortbread and TBH that's only so DC don't feel left out Blush

Does the "class mum" not have a list she checks off as she collects?

blueballoon79 · 14/12/2011 11:33

I second oldmerryolesoul's advice.

QuintessentiallyFestive · 14/12/2011 11:41

The issue here is the poor record keeping (and memory) of the person who organized this, and you should bring this to the attention of somebody. Here they make a note of everybody paying. She is also spreading rumours, to cover for her own lack of organizational skills! Outrageous!