Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that step - SIL is expecting DC7?

225 replies

mothersdaughter · 12/12/2011 21:08

Just returned from the in laws for the pre Xmas meet up.

DH's step Sister was there. She proudly announced she is pregnant with DC7. She is 28, has never worked since leaving school. Her DP does not live with her, but they are together. He is the father of all the children. He does not work either, so they are essentially living off the state. She has no plans to consider long term contraception.

This week DH and I came to the conclusion that there would be no DC3. We cannot afford for me to have another lot of Maternity leave, and also childcare fees.

DH works full time, I work almost full time and both DC's are in nursery. He are not near the breadline, but have to be very careful and things like holidays etc are just not possible. Therefore it is more than sensible to not have a DC3. I have felt a little sad this week, I do sort of feel that I'd love another one, but its just not workable.

So AIBU to be totally pissed of that step SIL can bang out kid after kid with no thought or consequence? Funnily enough she just could not fathom out why having another DC would cost us money, when for her its just increases her income.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 12/12/2011 21:10

YANBU, she would not be doing this, if she had to pay for it herself! She is being very selfish and foolish not using any contraception. She sounds like a sponger.

flicktheswitch · 12/12/2011 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 12/12/2011 21:11

and should be on Jeremy Vile

Angel786 · 12/12/2011 21:12

Yabu.

If you wanted to be a benefits scrounger you too could live like your SiL... Personally wouldnt want to but it's her life and her choice.

Unfortunately those of us that work have to pay tax for people like that. I just think of it as charity.

overmydeadbody · 12/12/2011 21:13

Yeah buy God, imagine how messy her house is with 7 dc, and how much washing there'd be, and how much cooking, you'd never get a minute's peace!

Far nicer to just have two Smile

I know that's not the point, but think of the positives!

Yuuule · 12/12/2011 21:13

Would you like her life or do you prefer your own life? Would you want your children to grow up in the environment she is arranging for hers? If you do, then do as she does, otherwise you already have what you prefer.

tralalala · 12/12/2011 21:14

feel more sorry for her kids than you or her. TBH how you look after that many small children well is beyond me.

overmydeadbody · 12/12/2011 21:14

And at least you have more security than her. There is no gaurantee that we will always have a state that has such good benefits for people out of work with children. Our government could change, benefits could change, and then she'll be up sh*t creek without a paddle.

bushymcbush · 12/12/2011 21:15

Yanbu.

It makes me feel like a terrible snob to agree with you.

But I do.

pigletmania · 12/12/2011 21:16

How can you feel sorry for her when she has brought it on herself. Nobdy has forced her to have that many kids. She certainly would not be banging out children if she had to support her, unfortunately this system supports people like her to be able to do that and take no responsibiity for her actions.

Familydilemma · 12/12/2011 21:16

The only thing that is at all questionable is linking your decision not to have dc3 with hers to have dc7 although it's hard not to.

Original poster
mothersdaughter · 12/12/2011 21:18

Actually that's the thing that gets my goat the most.

The fact that she appears to have no concerns that her DC's live in a mess, they always look unkempt etc. They don't go out much as she cannot control 6 DC's at once.

Yes, the issue of my taxes are support this does sting somewhat, especially when we are working so hard just to make ends meet. But its this 'so what, I'll have as many as I like attitude' that really gets me.

OP posts:
tethersjinglebellend · 12/12/2011 21:18

Oh yes, I'm sure she's off on holiday all the time...

Look. She is not the reason you're struggling. If you believe that she is, then she's the least of your problems.

soverylucky · 12/12/2011 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnotherMincepie · 12/12/2011 21:19

YABU. It's none of your business and it's in no way related to your own decision about whether to try for a DC3.

tethersjinglebellend · 12/12/2011 21:22

If you are concerned about the children's welfare, contact social services.

Word of warning though; it costs a great deal more taxpayers' money to keep seven children in care than to pay their mother benefits, so you may want to think twice.

usualsuspect · 12/12/2011 21:22

I don't care

soverylucky · 12/12/2011 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WinkyWinkola · 12/12/2011 21:23

Well, it's not strictly true it's none of the op's business. If a source other than yourself is paying for your lifestyle, then I'm afraid it is other people's business and judgement can be expected.

Op, you can't get all upset about how someone else chooses to live their lives.

But have you thought about that your dcs won't always be in nursery so perhaps you could have another in a couple of years?

Original poster
mothersdaughter · 12/12/2011 21:23

No, she is not the reason we are struggling I agree.

But you do have to question why we are in a position where we are choosing not to have more DC's despite both working etc, and yet she can produce 7 DC's. She openly admits that having more increases her income.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 12/12/2011 21:24

I take the view that anyone who chooses to get pregnant, whilst on a benefit subsidised life, has no intention of working is bleeding the rest of us dry.

I have however seen posters encourage women to fulfil their hormonal urges - and the poster has laid it out that they have no (regular) man, no job, no private income, no hopes of achieving anything in liffe at all - and encouraged to have a baby "if thats what she wants".

You have what you can afford to have. Contraception is free. Even if you are neglectful and have a wa*hay evening, there is the MOP.

No one ever begrudges the welfare state as "help" ~ that's what it was intended for ~ but 99% begrudge it as a life style choice.

TheSecondComing · 12/12/2011 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 12/12/2011 21:25

It is everybodies business when they are not supporting themselves, and taxpayers are.

FabbyChic · 12/12/2011 21:25

Well everything will change for them with the new welfare reform. No family will be able to get more than £500 in benefits that includes housing and council tax benefit so her income from the state should reduce dramatically.

JeremyVile · 12/12/2011 21:25

Usual - I am SO stealing that!