To be pissed off that step - SIL is expecting DC7?

[mothersdaughter]

Just returned from the in laws for the pre Xmas meet up.

DH's step Sister was there. She proudly announced she is pregnant with DC7. She is 28, has never worked since leaving school. Her DP does not live with her, but they are together. He is the father of all the children. He does not work either, so they are essentially living off the state. She has no plans to consider long term contraception.

This week DH and I came to the conclusion that there would be no DC3. We cannot afford for me to have another lot of Maternity leave, and also childcare fees.

DH works full time, I work almost full time and both DC's are in nursery. He are not near the breadline, but have to be very careful and things like holidays etc are just not possible. Therefore it is more than sensible to not have a DC3. I have felt a little sad this week, I do sort of feel that I'd love another one, but its just not workable.

So AIBU to be totally pissed of that step SIL can bang out kid after kid with no thought or consequence? Funnily enough she just could not fathom out why having another DC would cost us money, when for her its just increases her income.

YANBU - it is people like her that have governments making plans to pay child benefit to only the first 2 children. Punishing those who are out working or not living off the state who have more than the "quota".

Universal credit will probably leave people like her alone but is going to absolutely crush actual lone parents who are at least *trying to provide for their dcs. Her kind has ruined the entire system for everyone with their lack of social responsibility!

YANBU - it is people like her that have governments making plans to pay child benefit to only the first 2 children. Punishing those who are out working or not living off the state who have more than the "quota".

Universal credit will probably leave people like her alone but is going to absolutely crush actual lone parents who are at least *trying to provide for their dcs. Her kind has ruined the entire system for everyone with their lack of social responsibility!

TwoIfBySea is right.

you do know it is possible to have 3dcs in a 2 up, 2 down? the dcs dont actually need there own room?

i have 3 dcs in a 2 up, 2 down.

its your choice.

I think it's highly irresponsible for her to have seven children knowing that the state will pay for them. How many more will she have if she's only 28?

However, as galling as it must be, you cannot connect it to your situation. You are being socially responsible for your family and it will pay off in the long run, when both children are in full time school and finances ease for you.

I cannot imagine seven children is easy though. There are many easier ways of earning money than this surely.

YANBU.

How on earth is she looking after so many children?? Like ReindeerBollocks said, there must be easier ways of earning money surely?!

if you have 5 children you will have 1700 disposable income(rent etc is all paid) so for 7 she won't be doing badley at all.
I think it's a disgrace,yanbu, at least you have good values.

Don't worry about what other people do. You wouldn't want her life. Keep your eyes on your own paper.

YANBU. I agree with Twoif on this.

YANBU. I was recently at a wedding where I met a woman with 6 kids. She was smugly telling me how she pities my children as their dad has to work, and her husband is a much better father as he's never worked a day so he can spend lots of time with them. Spitting feathers doesn't cover it.....

If it bothers you that much she can have as many kids as she wants and you can't - abandon your principles and have 7 kids on the State, otherwise just be glad that you DO have principles and understand that in reality - she is worse off than you because she and her partner have no sense of responsibility or the satisfaction that they have done their best for their children.
Many many people have to give up their desire for more children.

Folkgirl The morning-after pill can act as a contraceptive by stopping ovulation and therefore preventing fertilisation. It may also alter the motility of sperm in the fallopian tube and prevent it from meeting the egg. The morning-after pill can also act as an early abortifacient. It attacks the womb's lining, so that if fertilisation has already taken place the newly-created embryo is unable to implant.
see link
www.spuc.org.uk/youthactivity/student_info_on_abortion/map

YABU. You have made your choice, she has made hers. Enjoy your family.

usualsuspect I love you

However, I do care a teensy bit and even though I don't think your decision not to have DC3 is anything to do with her decision to have no.7, if I was you I'd be miffed as well.

YANBU I think it's wrong for people like that to sponge off the governement when if they actually had jobs too there is no way they could have so many kids. Sorry, but that makes me mad. I'm sure her life is no picnic, but taxpayers should have to fund her having a football team!

I loathe people who have children they cannot afford and expect the taxpayers to pick up the tab. Ihave two children and in a few years will have a third, i would have a third now but truthfully cannot afford it, so i'm happy to wait till we can. I don't understand how people milk the system like that. We get CB and that is it, my dh works full time and i work part time in order to afford the finer things in life. I can't afford to work fulltime as childcare would be too expensive. We have a reasonable mortage, but we bought an ex council house, (for value for money) and it annoys me when i see people living in the same style house as ours and paying sod all to live there whilst turning out kids they can't afford to keep and seem to think they are entitled to that house and that they "own" it, (iIhad one woman on our street moan to me because the council wouldn't pay to put an extentsion on "her" house) when in fact they don't the goverment does.

sorry rant over lol

Hully!

OP, you should pity your SIL. What a dreadfully sad, hopeless, pointless existence for her and probably her children too. This has nothing to do with money - 7 kids by the age of 28 is a life-sentence to poverty.

Do you really imagine she enjoys motherhood?

I think I loves Hully

To all those defending this kind of behaviour-you do realise that it is because of people like this that those in genuine need-for examply those with disabled dcs-are going to be facing cuts to their benefits?

Op I wouldnt worry about it-this country can no longer afford to subsidise a lifestyle choice of not working. The gravy train is coming to an end for your sil.

Personally I think that you have as many as you can afford (i.e. do not follow your heart, emotions don't allow you to think logically). That's the crux of it for most who are responsible members of society. I have two, it's a nice number and financially do-able for many couples out there too.

Bet you're glad your step SIL doesn't live in China...

FWIW I understand you OP. I know why it's getting to you. I'd feel the same if someone in my family was constantly up the duff with child after child after child. I'd imagine she's not thinking highly of herself if she just wants to get pregnant like this with no thought for the children she's already brought into this world who you claim are 'unkept' looking.

In theory, I'd be taking a trip to the local family planning clinic and loading up a trolley with condoms, femdoms, anything you can get your hands on (birth control-wise) and put a lovely red bow on top, and show up at your step SIL's doorstep and say 'MERRY CHRISTMAS!'. She may take the hint...

Is she claiming as a single mum when her partner is around? I think that's illegal..

I love the Daily mail sound bites on this thread